for My Suicidal Teddy Bear4/24/2009 c1 
2Abbigail Cross
Interesting. Could probably do with another chapter, too. I think it could be a bit more... descriptive in areas. (I'm not a hypocrite, but my work isn't all that sescriptive) I like it, though.
-Insane
2Abbigail CrossInteresting. Could probably do with another chapter, too. I think it could be a bit more... descriptive in areas. (I'm not a hypocrite, but my work isn't all that sescriptive) I like it, though.
-Insane
4/22/2009 c1 1paperbullet
Cool concept. Haven't seen anything like this before, 'cept from Goosebumps. I will be here, as I always am, honest instead of nice.
Pros: As above, it's an original concept, and I can't predict what will happen next (which is more than can be said for half of FictionPress). 95% of the people who would write a story like this would've made it a HOMICIDAL teddy bear, which isn't half so interesting as a suicidal one. The dialogue works fine, and the teddy bear, despite speaking only three sentences, already has a character. You've resisted the urge to rant about the main character for the first chapeter, and you thoughtfully introduced characters that aren't relevant to the story yet.
Cons: You have the honor of being the first person I've put more pros than cons for. The only problem I had with this story was that the first line doesn't seem to say anything about the story at large. That's not a huge problem, exactly, but it always adds to a story's rereadability, if you care about that.
Suggestions: If you aren't already, keep a list of what you've revealed about characters and places. That'll keep your facts straight.
Right on! I've subscribed. To you as well as "My Suicidal Teddy Bear". Give your beta a cookie.
1paperbulletCool concept. Haven't seen anything like this before, 'cept from Goosebumps. I will be here, as I always am, honest instead of nice.
Pros: As above, it's an original concept, and I can't predict what will happen next (which is more than can be said for half of FictionPress). 95% of the people who would write a story like this would've made it a HOMICIDAL teddy bear, which isn't half so interesting as a suicidal one. The dialogue works fine, and the teddy bear, despite speaking only three sentences, already has a character. You've resisted the urge to rant about the main character for the first chapeter, and you thoughtfully introduced characters that aren't relevant to the story yet.
Cons: You have the honor of being the first person I've put more pros than cons for. The only problem I had with this story was that the first line doesn't seem to say anything about the story at large. That's not a huge problem, exactly, but it always adds to a story's rereadability, if you care about that.
Suggestions: If you aren't already, keep a list of what you've revealed about characters and places. That'll keep your facts straight.
Right on! I've subscribed. To you as well as "My Suicidal Teddy Bear". Give your beta a cookie.