for Strangle4/26/2009 c5 
36Kate Marshall
The double-spaces are kind of blah for this. They spread out the words too much and look bland.
The ending as a 'only in your dreams' was a wee bit disappointing. I liked it, because of the realistic feel to it, but I was expecting something different. Something with... more closure?
-Peach
36Kate MarshallThe double-spaces are kind of blah for this. They spread out the words too much and look bland.
The ending as a 'only in your dreams' was a wee bit disappointing. I liked it, because of the realistic feel to it, but I was expecting something different. Something with... more closure?
-Peach
4/26/2009 c4 Kate Marshall
I really like how you developed what you thought when you were a boy. You revealed it as you went on; I liked how it built up. :) Made for a good climax.
And the ending is great.
When I was a little boy,
When the world was unknown.
I like the mysterious tone to it and the wistful feelings in it. Because I guess we all look back on childhood and wonder where the days went, right?
Single-spaced stanzas would be good for this. Especially forming the stanzas; it would help distinguish the thoughts.
-Peach
I really like how you developed what you thought when you were a boy. You revealed it as you went on; I liked how it built up. :) Made for a good climax.
And the ending is great.
When I was a little boy,
When the world was unknown.
I like the mysterious tone to it and the wistful feelings in it. Because I guess we all look back on childhood and wonder where the days went, right?
Single-spaced stanzas would be good for this. Especially forming the stanzas; it would help distinguish the thoughts.
-Peach
4/26/2009 c3 Kate Marshall
I liked the use of colors in this for good imagery. It's an easy thing for your readers to imagine and was apparently, very helpful for the general theme of the poem.
Again, the whole thing doesn't need to be in bolds. What would be interesting is playing with bolds/italics/spacing to compliment the different lines about the different colors. That would be neat.
And I liked the idea of this. About being obscure and not being noticed. It's a very universally appealing thing to write about because it's so familiar to everyone.
-Peach
I liked the use of colors in this for good imagery. It's an easy thing for your readers to imagine and was apparently, very helpful for the general theme of the poem.
Again, the whole thing doesn't need to be in bolds. What would be interesting is playing with bolds/italics/spacing to compliment the different lines about the different colors. That would be neat.
And I liked the idea of this. About being obscure and not being noticed. It's a very universally appealing thing to write about because it's so familiar to everyone.
-Peach
4/26/2009 c2 Kate Marshall
As far as some of the grammar you used, you have to watch out for incorrect usage. In many spots you need to substitute "your" for "you're" and "all right" for "alright" and add a apostrophe before "cause" at the end (so it's the abbreviated "because" and not the verb "to cause something").
And some single-spaced stanzas would be much nicer for this. (Hold shift while pressing enter or backspace to single-space up or down.) It would tie everything in together and look more organized.
-Peach
As far as some of the grammar you used, you have to watch out for incorrect usage. In many spots you need to substitute "your" for "you're" and "all right" for "alright" and add a apostrophe before "cause" at the end (so it's the abbreviated "because" and not the verb "to cause something").
And some single-spaced stanzas would be much nicer for this. (Hold shift while pressing enter or backspace to single-space up or down.) It would tie everything in together and look more organized.
-Peach
4/26/2009 c1 Kate Marshall
Okay, this definitely doesn't need to be in bolds/underlines the whole way through. Bolds/italics should always be used sparingly because they distract from the words when overused.
But your rhymes I thought were really good. They sounded natural and they flowed together nicely.
-Peach, attack of the Review Marathon (link's in the profile!)
Okay, this definitely doesn't need to be in bolds/underlines the whole way through. Bolds/italics should always be used sparingly because they distract from the words when overused.
But your rhymes I thought were really good. They sounded natural and they flowed together nicely.
-Peach, attack of the Review Marathon (link's in the profile!)