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for Angel of the Lord

3/18/2010 c3 ellen.blash
He was dressed in knee-high leather boots and wore white breeches with a deep brown leather belt, which was finished off with as sheathed sword with a gleaming silver hand engraved with swirling patterns. =too much for one sentence, try to break it up.

medieval-looking tee shirt= it's called a tunic.

golden orb form= again with the repeat; its okay to use one and it

some puncuation errors.

I like the twist with the wife. However, there needs to be more emotion building. ex: Memories danced in my head of the lost woman. Her laugh echoed across time, haunting me with things rather left forgotten.

Make us feel for Rane.

Overall good :) I would ad moredescription but that's personal preference. Remember that a reader has to connect to the situation and the character. Without that, its not reaching its potential as a story.

That's all I'm doing for today.

3/18/2010 c1 ellen.blash
nice blurb!

It makes a reader interested.

PS my keys stick so if your reviews are missing letters or there are spelling errors, that's why and sorry.

3/18/2010 c2 ellen.blash
Hey, Ben-Jamin'! :)

So this is really good. There are a few thins hat kinda take away from it though.

First, i notice tat you have a tenency to repeat yoursef a bit. ex: I walked through the pure whiteness of HEAVEN, admiring the beautiful houses of the humans that had lived faithful, virtuous lives and were therefore rewarded with the beauty and grace of Heaven. I let out a longing sigh, wishing for the peace that humans had up here in HEAVEN. You see HEAVEN isn't a wonderful place for angels like it is for humans.

That's three sentences in a row. It happns wih God's palace, and weather control too.

I guess spending a lot of time with old angels like Sayz rubs off on you. Anyways. But, of course They, as in the Great Six, which used to be the Great Seven. = I'm not sure anyways fits.

It's good, but i also think there is more room for description.

I'm very impressed.

2/4/2010 c11 9Emidee
This is really good! But, I would also like to ask you to read my story called my guardian angel. NOBODY REVIEWS IT! ohh... I just sounded like a freak... o_0
8/25/2009 c9 20Lonzo
Well, good luck with that!
7/10/2009 c8 Lonzo
blade35353 ?

Anyway, we may be going to hell, but at least I'm driving there!
6/20/2009 c7 Lonzo
HA! That was the funniest thing I've read to date!
6/18/2009 c6 Lonzo
I can almost guarantee that was Aurora! At least, it would be quite random if it wasn't... What? I'm an author, too! I just happen to have an overactive imagination...
6/10/2009 c5 Lonzo
Well, a very cool story, but it is very fast paced. I just couldn't get it into movie form... but still, Snuff Snuff is an idiot. That was frikkin' funny.
5/8/2009 c2 Indicates
I think someone was trying to make this story too funny and it fails at times. I really wanted to like this story, considering it's actually pretty fun once you try to stomach the foreceful 'funny' dialogue.

Continue soon.

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