for Pictures at an Exhibition10/12/2011 c7 Jaja
Whaaat...? Why must it be over? This is one of the best settings and overall plots of the fantasy stories I've read on fictionpress, and if there were to be more of it, the world could well be a better place.
Whaaat...? Why must it be over? This is one of the best settings and overall plots of the fantasy stories I've read on fictionpress, and if there were to be more of it, the world could well be a better place.
5/5/2011 c7 
2NormaJean Beausoleil
cute story. i wish you would draw out the last chapter a bit more, though.
great detail and very entrancingly imaginative. bravo!
2NormaJean Beausoleilcute story. i wish you would draw out the last chapter a bit more, though.
great detail and very entrancingly imaginative. bravo!
5/2/2009 c3 6the sacred night
Whoa, it's like Narnia!
I do want to point out one thing, though. I think part of the chapter is missing. Here is the section that makes me think so:
"Madness, he thought, was perhaps contagious, as he trailed along after h
They paced along the wall, Tourmaline keeping a weather eye out for drones while Sister Aster consulted her pendulum. He’d inquired what the ring on a string was in aid of but became lost somewhere in the lengthy reply."
I don't know how much is missing, but I think at the very least a few letters got cut off.
6the sacred nightWhoa, it's like Narnia!
I do want to point out one thing, though. I think part of the chapter is missing. Here is the section that makes me think so:
"Madness, he thought, was perhaps contagious, as he trailed along after h
They paced along the wall, Tourmaline keeping a weather eye out for drones while Sister Aster consulted her pendulum. He’d inquired what the ring on a string was in aid of but became lost somewhere in the lengthy reply."
I don't know how much is missing, but I think at the very least a few letters got cut off.
5/2/2009 c1 the sacred night
I like the setting and characters. Main character with an eye patch, intriguing choice. I like your trademark mixing between old world fantasy and high tech sci fi. Overall, neato. I think it could benefit from a generous sprinkling of commas, since the dialogue seems kind of stiff with phrases and clauses all running into one another, but otherwise quite, quite good.
I like the setting and characters. Main character with an eye patch, intriguing choice. I like your trademark mixing between old world fantasy and high tech sci fi. Overall, neato. I think it could benefit from a generous sprinkling of commas, since the dialogue seems kind of stiff with phrases and clauses all running into one another, but otherwise quite, quite good.