
6/22/2010 c2
1Triizore
This is really good so far. However, you might want to look into varying your sentance structure more (google it if you must, I don't really have the space to explain it in detail in 10,0 characters, even if that is alot.
You're characters are very well developed so shortly in the story, which is really good, you know who the characters are in only two chapters.
I hope to encourage you to keep writing (this story and in general).

This is really good so far. However, you might want to look into varying your sentance structure more (google it if you must, I don't really have the space to explain it in detail in 10,0 characters, even if that is alot.
You're characters are very well developed so shortly in the story, which is really good, you know who the characters are in only two chapters.
I hope to encourage you to keep writing (this story and in general).
1/21/2010 c2
53Nick Ransom
Ah, you're finally back! yay!
As always, great, and as always, DAMN IT ENDS TO SOON!
I do hope you continue this one

Ah, you're finally back! yay!
As always, great, and as always, DAMN IT ENDS TO SOON!
I do hope you continue this one
1/18/2010 c2
7Sunshine Bear
There is like seriously something wrong with how much I love you...
I'm sick. I need help.
I kind of want to stalk you and watch you type.
LIKE A WEIRDO.
Okay. All of that was a lie.
I'm a badpersonthough.

There is like seriously something wrong with how much I love you...
I'm sick. I need help.
I kind of want to stalk you and watch you type.
LIKE A WEIRDO.
Okay. All of that was a lie.
I'm a badpersonthough.
9/6/2009 c1
9Lerene
I'm kind of curious what he did that his parents kicked him out. Also curious about Cain.

I'm kind of curious what he did that his parents kicked him out. Also curious about Cain.
9/1/2009 c1 AnnaG.Luv
I don't know why you're nervous about posting this, I thought it was great. An insight to the characters we'll be seeing without giving too much away, which always leads to intrigue! Can't wait for the next chapter.
I don't know why you're nervous about posting this, I thought it was great. An insight to the characters we'll be seeing without giving too much away, which always leads to intrigue! Can't wait for the next chapter.
8/31/2009 c1 ImaginaryxWords
Yep. So, you're officially a-mazing and I love you! Even though this was written in freaking April, I hope you update soon!
Yep. So, you're officially a-mazing and I love you! Even though this was written in freaking April, I hope you update soon!
8/27/2009 c1
23plumblossom
Nice, chiully, uncomfortable beginning. Mysteries and suggestions and a main character who clearly has a long journey in front of him.
Just found the story today and 'm looking forward to more of it.

Nice, chiully, uncomfortable beginning. Mysteries and suggestions and a main character who clearly has a long journey in front of him.
Just found the story today and 'm looking forward to more of it.
4/27/2009 c1
6Zyril
OMG, Donut! This story started out beautifully! I like it! ^_^ I love how you just threw us into the story without much explanation. It just leaves the reader impatient for the next chapter! XP As always, awesome writing! You rock!
Happy writing,
Zampie

OMG, Donut! This story started out beautifully! I like it! ^_^ I love how you just threw us into the story without much explanation. It just leaves the reader impatient for the next chapter! XP As always, awesome writing! You rock!
Happy writing,
Zampie
4/27/2009 c1 Feel The Waltz
You just can't wrie crap stories, eh? I think you pulled off this serious writing stuff great, i hope you continue this. :)
You just can't wrie crap stories, eh? I think you pulled off this serious writing stuff great, i hope you continue this. :)
4/26/2009 c1
7Sunshine Bear
I want to eat your brain.
I am not even joking when I say I love you. I love you so much it kills... something cute and junk.
Green bears moo at the moon.
Say that five times fast. I'm watching Lord of the Rings (Three) because I'm a nerd and I actually like them.

I want to eat your brain.
I am not even joking when I say I love you. I love you so much it kills... something cute and junk.
Green bears moo at the moon.
Say that five times fast. I'm watching Lord of the Rings (Three) because I'm a nerd and I actually like them.
4/26/2009 c1
53Nick Ransom
Whoa buddy...I can't wait to see how this one turns out.
I really like how you've gotten it set down right in the middle of a situation. And Mason's got some serious balls, haha..Good stuff, man. Very nicely written.

Whoa buddy...I can't wait to see how this one turns out.
I really like how you've gotten it set down right in the middle of a situation. And Mason's got some serious balls, haha..Good stuff, man. Very nicely written.