for Happy people in old photographs6/17/2009 c1 Wall Hanging
Did I ever tell you that I printed this one out and it is now double-sided taped to my wall. Right under my light. :) Every time I slip out of my door, my eyes always catch a sliver of it. A couple of words, never even a whole sentence, but it's beautiful and I'm never moving it.
Did I ever tell you that I printed this one out and it is now double-sided taped to my wall. Right under my light. :) Every time I slip out of my door, my eyes always catch a sliver of it. A couple of words, never even a whole sentence, but it's beautiful and I'm never moving it.
5/2/2009 c3 
25three.word.lies
haha! what a great way to look at the world. i agree with you so much.
"the ability to take twenty novels, twenty different worlds, and write “books” makes me feel godlike."
25three.word.lieshaha! what a great way to look at the world. i agree with you so much.
"the ability to take twenty novels, twenty different worlds, and write “books” makes me feel godlike."
4/29/2009 c3 1prick
i really have no clue what this is about. but it's really sort of gorgeous, and i really sort of love it.
1pricki really have no clue what this is about. but it's really sort of gorgeous, and i really sort of love it.
4/29/2009 c3 9Ladybugg13
The voice in this is really clear to me. In such a short piece, that's very impressive. The second to last paragraph feels like a different voice to me, though. It doesn't feel like the same character thinking; it feels like another character interjecting. You break out of the first person, the personal thoughts, and it becomes the author addressing the reader. Which is fine, and can be amazingly effective, but only if it's that way from the start. Changing povs in any place in any prose is a very, very difficult procedure, and it has to be done completely intentionally. I think your last two paragraphs could work just as effectively, or even more effectively, if they were personalized to fit in with the origional speaker in the story. Instead of you, the author, musing on life to the reader, make the character muse in his/her own life. The reader can and will make the connections to their own life.
9Ladybugg13The voice in this is really clear to me. In such a short piece, that's very impressive. The second to last paragraph feels like a different voice to me, though. It doesn't feel like the same character thinking; it feels like another character interjecting. You break out of the first person, the personal thoughts, and it becomes the author addressing the reader. Which is fine, and can be amazingly effective, but only if it's that way from the start. Changing povs in any place in any prose is a very, very difficult procedure, and it has to be done completely intentionally. I think your last two paragraphs could work just as effectively, or even more effectively, if they were personalized to fit in with the origional speaker in the story. Instead of you, the author, musing on life to the reader, make the character muse in his/her own life. The reader can and will make the connections to their own life.
4/29/2009 c2 Ladybugg13
I feel like you're saving the best for last in this one. The last sentence is perfect - really gorgeous. It makes you think. I wonder if this would be a more powerful piece if you started with that line, though. Maybe structure it the opposite way you do. Instead of describing him, and then getting to your point, your opinion, your thesis - start with your thesis. Explain him while you simultaneously put that beautiful last line in context. That's just an idea, of course. You could totally disagree with me. And in putting that sentence last, you let it resonate with the reader, which is a strong choice. It leaves you thinking, which is always good. But I feel like a sentence like that, which in my opinion is the strongest sentence in the entire drabble, shouldn't be buried at the end. It should be framed at the beginning.
I feel like you're saving the best for last in this one. The last sentence is perfect - really gorgeous. It makes you think. I wonder if this would be a more powerful piece if you started with that line, though. Maybe structure it the opposite way you do. Instead of describing him, and then getting to your point, your opinion, your thesis - start with your thesis. Explain him while you simultaneously put that beautiful last line in context. That's just an idea, of course. You could totally disagree with me. And in putting that sentence last, you let it resonate with the reader, which is a strong choice. It leaves you thinking, which is always good. But I feel like a sentence like that, which in my opinion is the strongest sentence in the entire drabble, shouldn't be buried at the end. It should be framed at the beginning.
4/29/2009 c1 Ladybugg13
I like this. It's always unsettling for me to look at old photographs, happy or unhappy, because the people in them are dead. I feel like you made generalizations about how your reader feels without really explaining why they're feeling that way, which is a tricky business. Some of the time I didn't agree, and I couldn't... get into the head space you wanted me in, I guess? I don't really understand your thesis in this - your first sentence is gold, I love it, but you veer off from that towards the end. The last paragraph, about Native Americans, is fascinating, but I can't find the connection. Your prose is concise, and interesting, but I'm having trouble figuring out what you were trying to *say*. Why are you writing this? Are you telling me a story, are you trying to get me to believe something? What's your purpose?
I like this. It's always unsettling for me to look at old photographs, happy or unhappy, because the people in them are dead. I feel like you made generalizations about how your reader feels without really explaining why they're feeling that way, which is a tricky business. Some of the time I didn't agree, and I couldn't... get into the head space you wanted me in, I guess? I don't really understand your thesis in this - your first sentence is gold, I love it, but you veer off from that towards the end. The last paragraph, about Native Americans, is fascinating, but I can't find the connection. Your prose is concise, and interesting, but I'm having trouble figuring out what you were trying to *say*. Why are you writing this? Are you telling me a story, are you trying to get me to believe something? What's your purpose?