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for Green Eyed Monster

10/12/2010 c1 6anachronistic
This is... very real. Very real and honest. Probably one of the most honest things I've read. Wonderful job.

And yes. I'm stalking you.
6/30/2010 c1 1ArticulateParticulate
You know this is the most honest story I have read until now.

Its like you sat and watched the kids at my school for like a week and then wrote about it.

To say i identify with the girl is an understatement. Beautifully written.

Love it.
12/21/2009 c1 queenshinko
BRILLIANT

I loved it, especially the witty observations at the start. Great work :)
5/22/2009 c1 10closetninety
This was a bit diturbing piece.

I can feel the bitterness of the girl,

and also the sadness that basically

underlies over the whole piece.

It's not that she needs a man;

it's more that she wants to feel

that she is desired, instead of ostracized.

It's so sad.
5/8/2009 c1 3Alexis Grey
The opening was strong... "Resentment is... envy is..." I think I'd label that personification, but I'm not entirely sure...? Tiredness is steadily overcoming me :S.

'GEM' emphasises the contribution of sexuality and relationships to a sense of personal identity. It suggests that the collective adolescent psyche perceives relationships as a measure of self worth; "you're only as good as who you're with." This is reiterated in the character's silent maelstrom of uncertainty and desire, titling herself "The Other Girl" and a "modern gooseberry". In this way, 'GEM' also examines the impact of peer opinion and regard upon the fragile, still developing adolescent.

The reader is positioned to empathize with "The Other Girl" as the story progresses, showing the character confront several situations and present similar social masks, differing only slightly. The scene of masturbation was particularly confronting, however revealed the character's need for connection and desire.

Desire of several varieties can be seen in 'GEM', sexual desire being the most obvious, but an underlying and somehow greater desire is present... the desire to be desired, as famously sung "want you to want me... need you to need me."



I particularly enjoyed the repetition threaded throughout, such as:

“Four eyes.”

“Hey chubby!”

“Why do your tits sag so much?”

This incorporation of direct speech from her friends to support the more sensitive, subconscious Inner Critic we see in the above quote, was very well done. It illustrates the internal struggle of "The Other Girl", which might otherwise be underestimated. The repetition also serves to make these features function as a synecdoche.

The change in tone from envious resentment to despondent resignation is handled smoothly, a gradual progression almost resembling the stages of mourning.

Overall, a powerful, confronting piece.
4/30/2009 c1 10dreameratbang
You're welcome! :)

I thought the opening lines were great...the tone of the story resonates through every word. I like the fact that its very real and non peppermint coated. I liked the last few paragraphs about how she's above it and then the tone gets a little sadder, towards the end but the way you wraped it up with that last line was good. You write really well! :)

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