
5/30/2009 c1
9Noir Schist
Hi~
Well, you certainly can describe well. The descriptions reinforce the image that you wanted to create for the reader. Although I found that repetitions of the word "still" and some lines being suddenly long in the middle of short lines decrease the impact, it's still a good poem. Your style prefers short, meaningful lines, and I don't find it very appealing when some lines become too long. (I hope this helps you!)

Hi~
Well, you certainly can describe well. The descriptions reinforce the image that you wanted to create for the reader. Although I found that repetitions of the word "still" and some lines being suddenly long in the middle of short lines decrease the impact, it's still a good poem. Your style prefers short, meaningful lines, and I don't find it very appealing when some lines become too long. (I hope this helps you!)
5/25/2009 c1 Eloquent-Marionette
Oh, wow! This is haunting! I could read it over and over and it would never get old! Is this written based off a character from a movie? This sounds like it could come straight out of a Tim Burton film. It's lovely! It paints a beautiful, dark picture in my mind and I can see this poem playing out detail for detail. I really love it! ^_^ Please keep writing! I can't wait to see more soon!
Much love,
~Davida
Oh, wow! This is haunting! I could read it over and over and it would never get old! Is this written based off a character from a movie? This sounds like it could come straight out of a Tim Burton film. It's lovely! It paints a beautiful, dark picture in my mind and I can see this poem playing out detail for detail. I really love it! ^_^ Please keep writing! I can't wait to see more soon!
Much love,
~Davida
4/30/2009 c1
3Kristina Suko
I love it! It's so sad, and beautiful. It was a little choppy here and there, around when you ended the line with "with" or something else that was kind of mid-sentence. But overall, bravo! I loved it.
~Mara

I love it! It's so sad, and beautiful. It was a little choppy here and there, around when you ended the line with "with" or something else that was kind of mid-sentence. But overall, bravo! I loved it.
~Mara