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for Evil people Evil world

9/24/2009 c1 Zombiefied
I like this poem, too. It flows really nicely, it has a good beat. You could almost make it into a cool song. There were a few typos and a few grammatical errors, but other than that, everything seemed fine.

Example : "Her hair is a brown, tangled mess her mind confused and she is breathless" Maybe it would sound better if it were, "Her hair is brown, a tangled mess..." I also think that there should be a semicolon after 'tangled mess' to separate the two phrases.

Also, (I'm sure this is something you already know, just didn't do) when writing a poem, the first letter of every line should be capitalized.
5/2/2009 c1 14Masochistic.Vampiree
Not dissing you or anything, but, that was hardly scary lol. I can see how some people might get a bit freaked by this. Especially squirmish people. But yeah, not me :) lol.

I really liked this though because, like, the blood and stuff XD Yeah i noticed how somethings were rhyming and other werent. I liked the rhyming parts, it created an atmosphere - i suppose. Well, good job on this poem-story type thing. :)

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