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for Time Immemorial

2/23/2010 c4 4Brian William Barry
The roommate change is good, it does makes sense. Now I like what you're doing the story is taking shape very nicely, you have a very smooth blend of normal and paranormal. I can see where it's going now. I couldn't before. This chapter has a good theme of friendship and I like it. The chapter as a whole could have been longer however, you could explain a few more things. I mean in a smaller chapter it would be beneficial to delve into the details of the group that has been organized and what kind of business they conduct y'know? Like, why are they so concerned what Roy knows? But I am beginning to like Roy a lot more. It's doing very well so far, keep going.
2/23/2010 c3 Brian William Barry
You are very good at capturing human emotion in your work. Such as Roy's reaction to what he'd just seen, who wouldn't be freaked out? It was very believable. And the empathy displayed by the narrator is very likable. Even though she's extraordinary she still likes the ordinary things and that is appealing.
2/22/2010 c2 Brian William Barry
Great job on the dialouge. And furthermore, the characterization in this chapter is much improved from the first one. And I think I've figured something out about the story but I wont say anything for now. I loved the part with the rejection and the embarrassment you've really captured that emotion very well. The transition between "homes" was very smooth and I enjoyed it. Keep going it's going very well so far.
2/22/2010 c1 Brian William Barry
Now from the beginning of this one I noticed a wonderful humanity in the main character. She's a normal girl, who's concerned by things normal people are concerned with but there's a lingering sense of this girl being extraordinary. The scene where the other girls were beating her up was brutal, the imagery was just so gruesome. I could imagine every hit. And when she encountered Nadi'tra I breathed a sigh of relief because I knew the character would be alright. I was at first thrown off by the third person-first person transition. But of course I realized after I read through. I cant wait to keep reading, I wanna know where this goes. Oh and by the way I really connected with the "intrusive thoughts" line we all have those and it really connected me with the character.
5/18/2009 c1 Mneme's Requiem
It took me forever to get to this story, just cause I had to refresh so many times. But here I am. Also, I was reading the past reviews, and I have come to the conclusion that Catie and AnnMarie, together, would be the best editing team this world has ever seen.

Anyways, this seems like an awesome start! You can make your characters so alive, ya know that? I love Nadi'tra, and how she's all /Join my pack/ and everything to Syntyche. Plus her name's pretty. So ya, I can't wait to see more of this. Number...71 on your summer to do list should be top priority. Definitely.
5/5/2009 c2 9Callie McRea

so Nadi'tra is like the principal?

am i on the right track?

please tell me i am so i don't feel so gosh dang stupid!


any who i again have to rave about the distinct voice you have in all your storys!

ugh sweets you are prob the most interesting writer on this net so far!

next chap...NOW!

please of course. :)
5/3/2009 c1 Callie McRea
yes please explain cause i am thoroughly lost.

i was on your path untill the end, which is were i fell off and into the world if total confusion!

help me i need guidance...or just the next chap would surfice as well! lol

so great job!

yes i can see that you will become qite poPular around here!

and guesS what i can finnaly say...I AM THE FIST ONE TO COMMENT! HAHAHAHAHA!

loved it! love it! and i'm NOT just saying that couse ur my friend and soon to be partner in literary crime!HA!

It is truthfuly due to your outstanding ability!

love ya!

and hurry with the next chap!


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