for Alone7/29/2012 c1 
18Bushwah
We are one pain, INADVISABLE!
Or rather, "We are one nation, indivisible!" (the first speech of Emperor Palpatine... yes, HIM.)
18BushwahWe are one pain, INADVISABLE!
Or rather, "We are one nation, indivisible!" (the first speech of Emperor Palpatine... yes, HIM.)
2/27/2011 c1 1Splash Where Tear Drops
I've got a lot of friends, but they aren't. I don't have anyone to connect with, anyone to spill my heart out to. I did have one friend, but God took her away from my life. Ever since, I've never had a friend like her.
Good poem just a few things.
= - it doesn't mean anything.
mixed - do you mean 'mixed'?
Close your eyes[;] acknowledge our existence, our sorrow, for us, for you[,] - ';' means 'the same' put a comma there instead. the comma at the end is just hanging there. take it out.
Anyways, other than that, it was a good poem.
Happy writing!
Splash
P.S. Don't think I'm flaming you or following you and taking out every detail that's wrong in all your stories. Don't think that I think they suck.
Otherwise...why review? Why would I waste my valuable time on you? Because you've got potential. I like everything I've read so far. There are just some things I feel need to be corrected. I would like you to use what I've told you. There aren't many people on the internet that say more than "It was good." or "I like it. Keep going!" be gratful that someone who wants writing to get better has come to you and suggested things. Don't take my advice, go ahead. You aren't hurting me: You're hurting yourself.
Still, I am going to review every story and chapter you have. I love this poem. I can relate to it. At least I think you can improve.
1Splash Where Tear DropsI've got a lot of friends, but they aren't. I don't have anyone to connect with, anyone to spill my heart out to. I did have one friend, but God took her away from my life. Ever since, I've never had a friend like her.
Good poem just a few things.
= - it doesn't mean anything.
mixed - do you mean 'mixed'?
Close your eyes[;] acknowledge our existence, our sorrow, for us, for you[,] - ';' means 'the same' put a comma there instead. the comma at the end is just hanging there. take it out.
Anyways, other than that, it was a good poem.
Happy writing!
Splash
P.S. Don't think I'm flaming you or following you and taking out every detail that's wrong in all your stories. Don't think that I think they suck.
Otherwise...why review? Why would I waste my valuable time on you? Because you've got potential. I like everything I've read so far. There are just some things I feel need to be corrected. I would like you to use what I've told you. There aren't many people on the internet that say more than "It was good." or "I like it. Keep going!" be gratful that someone who wants writing to get better has come to you and suggested things. Don't take my advice, go ahead. You aren't hurting me: You're hurting yourself.
Still, I am going to review every story and chapter you have. I love this poem. I can relate to it. At least I think you can improve.
10/30/2010 c1 75thewhimsicalbard
Thanks for your review on "A Poem for My Wenis". I took your advice on the rating.
Your poem is actually pretty good. I have to admit, it did touch me. As simple and unedited as it is, it is very powerful. It comes across with a very personal touch.
That said, as a poet, EVERYTHING you do in a poem - the words you choose, the lines you break, what you say, what you DON'T say - should all be there for a reason. Otherwise, your poem doesn't say as much as it could.
I found the three equals signs unnecessary and a little off-putting. Otherwise, you have a pretty solid poem here!
Keep up the good work, and keep doing some of the non-zombie stuff. I like what you have here, and would like to see more.
-thewhimsicalbard
75thewhimsicalbardThanks for your review on "A Poem for My Wenis". I took your advice on the rating.
Your poem is actually pretty good. I have to admit, it did touch me. As simple and unedited as it is, it is very powerful. It comes across with a very personal touch.
That said, as a poet, EVERYTHING you do in a poem - the words you choose, the lines you break, what you say, what you DON'T say - should all be there for a reason. Otherwise, your poem doesn't say as much as it could.
I found the three equals signs unnecessary and a little off-putting. Otherwise, you have a pretty solid poem here!
Keep up the good work, and keep doing some of the non-zombie stuff. I like what you have here, and would like to see more.
-thewhimsicalbard
6/26/2010 c1 22PoetryMagic12
Yeah there are spelling mistakes but heck I make them too. I thought it was a nice poem. My favorite line would have to be
"Thousands of us are out here,
We just have to find the right hearts.
We're all beside you," LOVE THAT
22PoetryMagic12Yeah there are spelling mistakes but heck I make them too. I thought it was a nice poem. My favorite line would have to be
"Thousands of us are out here,
We just have to find the right hearts.
We're all beside you," LOVE THAT
9/30/2009 c1 dean mckeane
i love this thank you
i love this thank you
5/18/2009 c1 11tea101
Compared to yours, mine is all about me and my pain. Yours reaches out to others to comfort them. It helps to know.
11tea101Compared to yours, mine is all about me and my pain. Yours reaches out to others to comfort them. It helps to know.
5/9/2009 c1 30Althea Dreamer
I am one of those thousands. I could really connect with this poem. Good job.
30Althea DreamerI am one of those thousands. I could really connect with this poem. Good job.
5/9/2009 c1 298Moon-Chaser
I like your writting style and your use of repitition. You are right there are so many of us out there.
Keep it up.
Thanks for all your reviews!
298Moon-ChaserI like your writting style and your use of repitition. You are right there are so many of us out there.
Keep it up.
Thanks for all your reviews!
5/8/2009 c1 20he ate my soul
I like the repetition, though I do hate the word 'cuz'. Other than that matter of personal taste, I liked it.
20he ate my soulI like the repetition, though I do hate the word 'cuz'. Other than that matter of personal taste, I liked it.