for Crash and Burnt11/11/2009 c5 Gen
I love this story! The characters are great too! Awesome job. I hope you update soon... I think i might be addicted to this story lol so don't keep me waiting too long. jk
I love this story! The characters are great too! Awesome job. I hope you update soon... I think i might be addicted to this story lol so don't keep me waiting too long. jk
11/10/2009 c5 XxSiennaxX
Loved the chapter, I'm surprised she managed to stay in the fruit bar if it reminded her so much of home.
Can't wait for another chapter, please update asap :)
Loved the chapter, I'm surprised she managed to stay in the fruit bar if it reminded her so much of home.
Can't wait for another chapter, please update asap :)
9/22/2009 c4 
1Sapphire Star328
yay! an update finally. thanks for posting this up
can't wait for more =)
1Sapphire Star328yay! an update finally. thanks for posting this up
can't wait for more =)
9/20/2009 c4 XxSiennaxX
I really love your story so far, I hope she eventually tells Chase the real reason she's uncomfortable around him and I'm glad someone knows what happened, she could really use the support.
Her aunt really doesn't seem to care about her, does she have any other family? you mentioned that it was a requirement of her aunt having custody that she go to these sessions, if she doesn't have any other family does that mean they'd place her in foster care if she doesn't follow the rules?
Can't wait to read more and see where you take this.
I really love your story so far, I hope she eventually tells Chase the real reason she's uncomfortable around him and I'm glad someone knows what happened, she could really use the support.
Her aunt really doesn't seem to care about her, does she have any other family? you mentioned that it was a requirement of her aunt having custody that she go to these sessions, if she doesn't have any other family does that mean they'd place her in foster care if she doesn't follow the rules?
Can't wait to read more and see where you take this.
7/30/2009 c3 6youbugme22
I really liked reading this! There hasn't been many interesting stories on FicPress lately, but this one sparked my fancy. I love it.
6youbugme22I really liked reading this! There hasn't been many interesting stories on FicPress lately, but this one sparked my fancy. I love it.
7/6/2009 c3 1Sapphire Star328
2 weeks! you're killing me here.
good chapter though. have fun at camp.
can't wait for the next chapter
1Sapphire Star3282 weeks! you're killing me here.
good chapter though. have fun at camp.
can't wait for the next chapter
7/2/2009 c2 Angel-Leigh Jones
Hiya
another good chapter. Some minor errors. If you want a beta, i will be happy to do it. I'm not on the beta list but if you message me, i will give you my email and we can go front there.
Angel
Hiya
another good chapter. Some minor errors. If you want a beta, i will be happy to do it. I'm not on the beta list but if you message me, i will give you my email and we can go front there.
Angel
7/2/2009 c1 Angel-Leigh Jones
hiya
Its really good, well written. A few mistakes maybe you could go back and edit it. Like reword some sentences so they make more sense. Add fullstops. Use words like i've instead of i have.
I would go over it again, then if you were still un-sure then get a beta to help you out.
But otherwise its all good. I like the story so far.
Here is some errors i found. They are in brackets
The first part of your story...
1. I knew exactly what was in each bag, and could rattle off the reasons for (brining) each one of... i think it should be bringing?
2. why did she need (to) cars? - it should be two
3. What’s wrong with just (on) car? - it should be one
The second part of your story...
4. she pointed (an ft finger) in the direction of a closed door - her finger?
5. I (ad) never seen a shrink before - had.
6. I heard (voice) coming from inside and I wondered if I had interrupted something important. - a voice or voices. i think voices
7. He must have (re thought) what he said because as I turned to - i think it should be re-though or use another word eg. He must've realized what he had said because as i turned to.
Great first chapter. Well done.
Angel
hiya
Its really good, well written. A few mistakes maybe you could go back and edit it. Like reword some sentences so they make more sense. Add fullstops. Use words like i've instead of i have.
I would go over it again, then if you were still un-sure then get a beta to help you out.
But otherwise its all good. I like the story so far.
Here is some errors i found. They are in brackets
The first part of your story...
1. I knew exactly what was in each bag, and could rattle off the reasons for (brining) each one of... i think it should be bringing?
2. why did she need (to) cars? - it should be two
3. What’s wrong with just (on) car? - it should be one
The second part of your story...
4. she pointed (an ft finger) in the direction of a closed door - her finger?
5. I (ad) never seen a shrink before - had.
6. I heard (voice) coming from inside and I wondered if I had interrupted something important. - a voice or voices. i think voices
7. He must have (re thought) what he said because as I turned to - i think it should be re-though or use another word eg. He must've realized what he had said because as i turned to.
Great first chapter. Well done.
Angel
6/9/2009 c2 2Nienna Bella
Aw, I love Zander! ;p Lol. But I have the feeling Chase isn't as jerky as he seems.
Keep updating! This was a marvelous second chapter!
-Nienna Bella
2Nienna BellaAw, I love Zander! ;p Lol. But I have the feeling Chase isn't as jerky as he seems.
Keep updating! This was a marvelous second chapter!
-Nienna Bella
6/9/2009 c1 Nienna Bella
Awesome first chapter! Sad but really good. The main character keeps my attention, and I love how she calls the doctor's son Abercrombie boy!
Keep up the good work!
-Nienna Bella
Awesome first chapter! Sad but really good. The main character keeps my attention, and I love how she calls the doctor's son Abercrombie boy!
Keep up the good work!
-Nienna Bella
5/24/2009 c2 1Sapphire Star328
i'm liking Zander already. love the name too, very original. did you make it up? can't wait to read his story.
like the intro to the other characters too.
competitions for what?
please update soon
1Sapphire Star328i'm liking Zander already. love the name too, very original. did you make it up? can't wait to read his story.
like the intro to the other characters too.
competitions for what?
please update soon
5/24/2009 c2 2MasqueradeAngel
Oh my! i love Zander already...is there going to be some tension in between the two guys? that would make things very interesting. And who would she pick if it came down to it?
2MasqueradeAngelOh my! i love Zander already...is there going to be some tension in between the two guys? that would make things very interesting. And who would she pick if it came down to it?