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7/15/2009 c1 9Sakina the Fallen Angel
Oh, your writing is so vivid, and your descriptions so beautiful! Please update this because I must have moar!

~ Sakina x
7/14/2009 c1 82Solemn Coyote
Hi. I ran across a post of yours on the roadhouse forums and figured you might want a review. Here it is, numbered for convenience.

1) First and foremost, I like the characters. I don't think I've ever run across a cecaelia other than Ursula in fiction, and Caspian makes for a nice contrast with the cackling Disney villain. Fabian seems a little bland in this chapter, but that blandness doesn't come from her being a flat character. Instead, it's simply a factor of her not being as outlandish as the lady-kraken.

2) Your style is very ornate. This makes for some really pretty passages ("concentration scoring ravines across her brow as she frowned"), but it also makes for slow reading. Your dialogue does a good job of naturally breaking this up, but you might also want to consider mixing some simple description with your more complex prose. Sometimes one or two short sentences can make a long, flowing paragraph stand out all the more.

3) "Their eyes met, sombre and silent. Caspian broke the surface." A very cinematic moment. I could picture it vividly.

4) This is a solid start, and well worth continuing. I hope you keep writing.

-sc
7/6/2009 c1 Reigh
I love the way your details all flow together so beautifully! This story looks promising, that is...if you're planning to continue it. Better subscribe to it just in case. *hits button* Update soon!

~Reigh~ (From the Roadhouse with Love!)
7/6/2009 c1 9saintsinnerlady
this is reallt good. its most certainly different. i hope you plan to continue this.

xo saint

(from the roadhouse with love)
7/5/2009 c1 19S. M. Saves
I love the imagery you painted at the beginning! It set the scene up real nicely. Definitely another story for the story alert. I can't wait to read more!
6/7/2009 c1 1Pig In A Dollhouse
She's not based on the Sea witch From the Little Mermaid, everyone, just for future reference! ^^ Ursula did provoke me to look more in cecaelia, though. I saw some of Sophie Dahl's early modelling shots (Naked Vanity Fair shoot FTW) and she inspired the whole voluptuous body image.
6/4/2009 c1 6SimplySheree
This is really good Emme :)

The language is a bit dense but it sounds so you :P and plus the atmosphere speaks for its self :)

Just out of interest, the cecaelia based on the sea witch from little mermaid?
5/19/2009 c1 2ALiiCiiA D4 G0FF
a lesbine ocotpuss?

wierd

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