for Shadowdance1/14/2010 c7 
3aPondInTime
I'm so glad that you're posting this story again :D I love it. Looking forward to the next part of the chapter... can't wait to read it. Please please please write lots more of this story.
3aPondInTimeI'm so glad that you're posting this story again :D I love it. Looking forward to the next part of the chapter... can't wait to read it. Please please please write lots more of this story.
1/3/2010 c7 2Astarel
Hmm, interesting! However, I found it a bit strange that Moranya would have so much emotional attachment to a daughter she hasn't seen in sixteen years.
2AstarelHmm, interesting! However, I found it a bit strange that Moranya would have so much emotional attachment to a daughter she hasn't seen in sixteen years.
12/30/2009 c6 5Cammi Bookaholic
Going really well so far- love the cliffhanger endings to chapters. don't want to sound patronising but this is especilly good considering you're only fourteen- way better than anything I was trying to write at that age in any case!
update soon!
5Cammi BookaholicGoing really well so far- love the cliffhanger endings to chapters. don't want to sound patronising but this is especilly good considering you're only fourteen- way better than anything I was trying to write at that age in any case!
update soon!
8/4/2009 c3 2Rhyno
This was very well written. I like your descriptions and word choices. It's easy for me to picture the setting of the story. You have a good hook at the end as well, and the plot is very mysterious.
I noticed a couple other reviews about you getting this published. If you do, I wish the best of luck!
Keep up the good work!
P.S.
I'm new to this site, and this is my first review. Hopefully that makes you feel special!
2RhynoThis was very well written. I like your descriptions and word choices. It's easy for me to picture the setting of the story. You have a good hook at the end as well, and the plot is very mysterious.
I noticed a couple other reviews about you getting this published. If you do, I wish the best of luck!
Keep up the good work!
P.S.
I'm new to this site, and this is my first review. Hopefully that makes you feel special!
8/4/2009 c6 PDAH-DARN FF wont let me reply
so. THAT is why i'm using an anonymous reviewy thing again.
and.
EVILL! ... EVIL! HOW COULD YOU? YOU EVIL EVIL THING! EVIL CLIFFHANGER! now, if you updated JUST TO UPDATE, and NOT continue... WELL. BASICALLY you are dead. yup. count the hours if thats the case. BECAUSE -just.. UUGH! come ON! SERIOUSLY. if you AREN'T planning on continuing (as you haven't specified you would..) AT LEAST TELL US WHAT THE FISHIN' IDEA IS. BUT, of couse that advice above is ONLY FOR THOSE WHO VALUE THEIR LIFE, so no big..
so. THAT is why i'm using an anonymous reviewy thing again.
and.
EVILL! ... EVIL! HOW COULD YOU? YOU EVIL EVIL THING! EVIL CLIFFHANGER! now, if you updated JUST TO UPDATE, and NOT continue... WELL. BASICALLY you are dead. yup. count the hours if thats the case. BECAUSE -just.. UUGH! come ON! SERIOUSLY. if you AREN'T planning on continuing (as you haven't specified you would..) AT LEAST TELL US WHAT THE FISHIN' IDEA IS. BUT, of couse that advice above is ONLY FOR THOSE WHO VALUE THEIR LIFE, so no big..
8/4/2009 c1 pdah
yeah, THAT§S RIGHT, I didnůt feel like logging in. i§m also using cyech kezboard which is whz the z and y§s are switched along with punctuation marks that i have no interest in actuallz searching for 8insert exclamation point8 ZAZ11 THIS IS MZ FAVORITE STORZ OF ZOURS SO I§M EXCITED TO READ1 .. BUT ZOU should also put this notez at chap 6, because i didn§t think to look back here, until i realiyed that that all the previous logs weren§t there anzmore1
yeah, THAT§S RIGHT, I didnůt feel like logging in. i§m also using cyech kezboard which is whz the z and y§s are switched along with punctuation marks that i have no interest in actuallz searching for 8insert exclamation point8 ZAZ11 THIS IS MZ FAVORITE STORZ OF ZOURS SO I§M EXCITED TO READ1 .. BUT ZOU should also put this notez at chap 6, because i didn§t think to look back here, until i realiyed that that all the previous logs weren§t there anzmore1
7/1/2009 c6 54Indefinite
so i suppose a log would be nice... BUT I WANT TO READ TE REAL THING *cries* haha, no, i GUESS it is understandstandable taking it down.. now.. about this signed copy... do we still have to pay for it?.. (yes, that is the bargain woman talking)
yay! yoi are 5/25 or 1/5 done! or !/% or %/@% ('cause i'm a geeky freak like that.. )
54Indefiniteso i suppose a log would be nice... BUT I WANT TO READ TE REAL THING *cries* haha, no, i GUESS it is understandstandable taking it down.. now.. about this signed copy... do we still have to pay for it?.. (yes, that is the bargain woman talking)
yay! yoi are 5/25 or 1/5 done! or !/% or %/@% ('cause i'm a geeky freak like that.. )
6/30/2009 c6 2Astarel
Heh, I'm your editor, I know everything that goes on! But yes, for the benefit of these lesser mortals, you should keep a log.
2AstarelHeh, I'm your editor, I know everything that goes on! But yes, for the benefit of these lesser mortals, you should keep a log.
6/4/2009 c5 3aPondInTime
:'( AAH! Can't you PM your chapters to me?... I really like this story and I promise promise promise that I won't steal any ideas or copy it... promise. :'(
3aPondInTime:'( AAH! Can't you PM your chapters to me?... I really like this story and I promise promise promise that I won't steal any ideas or copy it... promise. :'(
6/4/2009 c5 Lana Sky
I totaly understand your fears. I would hate for any story of mine to be stolen.
Good luck with getting it published, and I hope you'll let us know when you do! :D
~nicola
I totaly understand your fears. I would hate for any story of mine to be stolen.
Good luck with getting it published, and I hope you'll let us know when you do! :D
~nicola
6/1/2009 c4 LOTFL
Oh hey, would you look at that, I can get to FictionPress on the school computers ^^
Nice chapter, Lissa seems very annoying XD I can't be bothered writing a proper review seeing as I actually read this chapter like two days ago and can't remember the small details...too lazy to reread it now... -_-;;
(I do remember that I enjoyed reading it though :D)
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Oh hey, would you look at that, I can get to FictionPress on the school computers ^^
Nice chapter, Lissa seems very annoying XD I can't be bothered writing a proper review seeing as I actually read this chapter like two days ago and can't remember the small details...too lazy to reread it now... -_-;;
(I do remember that I enjoyed reading it though :D)
Looking forward to the next chapter!
6/1/2009 c4 aPondInTime
I think you get definitely try to get this published. It's a really good story, and after it's edited, it'll be even better.
Just an idea, you can ignore it if you want, but I think that the bit where Lliira learns magic should be described in a bit more detail, maybe explain how she feels to use it or her own personal experience of it. As I said, just an idea, you don't have to do it. Otherwise, another wonderful chapter, looking forward to the next one. :D
I think you get definitely try to get this published. It's a really good story, and after it's edited, it'll be even better.
Just an idea, you can ignore it if you want, but I think that the bit where Lliira learns magic should be described in a bit more detail, maybe explain how she feels to use it or her own personal experience of it. As I said, just an idea, you don't have to do it. Otherwise, another wonderful chapter, looking forward to the next one. :D
5/31/2009 c2 Lana Sky
Great start!
But I did pick out some things.
First, this sentence seems weird to me, you should go back and fix it up.
That word in itself shall create part of the foundation of your buildings were identical, shapeless lumps of concrete locked within a huge grid formed by narrow roads.
Also,
The caretakersoverlooked it, as the children managed to bully them into submission as well.
You forgot the space between "Caretakers" and "overlooked"
Other than that, Brilliantly done!
~nicola
Nice cliffhanger at the end. ;D
Great start!
But I did pick out some things.
First, this sentence seems weird to me, you should go back and fix it up.
That word in itself shall create part of the foundation of your buildings were identical, shapeless lumps of concrete locked within a huge grid formed by narrow roads.
Also,
The caretakersoverlooked it, as the children managed to bully them into submission as well.
You forgot the space between "Caretakers" and "overlooked"
Other than that, Brilliantly done!
~nicola
Nice cliffhanger at the end. ;D
5/31/2009 c3 aPondInTime
Wow! Awesome story! Please write the next chapter quickly. I want to know what's outside the window.
Wow! Awesome story! Please write the next chapter quickly. I want to know what's outside the window.