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5/25/2010 c1 eiyuang999
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11/17/2009 c3 Tawny Owl
Dexter wakes up in a house in a comfy bed and immediately presumes a nefarious person put her there. I’m not sure whether that makes her unduly harsh or healthily sensible.

I enjoyed the description of the house – it sounded loved, despite the roughness round the edges, and the use of the wind tied it into the landscape a bit more. The bird taking flight was like that as well.

The ‘Drink Me’ label gave me Alice in Wonderland flash backs. You change it to Drink It further down though.

I enjoyed the confrontation between her and St. John. The way Dexter used the gun and her reaction to seeing the saddle laid wrong added to their personalities. And he does seem….strange rather than crazy. I think like a man who’s used to having his own way. Or that he’s used to being on his own and doesn’t conform to societies niceties. Especially when he just decided to go to sleep and leave Dexter to her own devices.
11/5/2009 c2 Tawny Owl
It was nice to see more of Iverwilde. Even if it did then get burned down. I liked Louis too. He has that sort of bizarre innocence that made me think that even if Dexter went off and married someone else and had loads of kids he wouldn’t mind because it wouldn’t occur to him to be hurt. He’d just be happy loving her anyway.

I liked the bit when she hugged him and realised that if felt nice, but that was all. It made it more than just another unrequited love thing. Does that make sense?

The mood shift was really strong in this chapter. It’s been kind of light hearted and funny up to this point and then went really sinister (although the run in with Corland was unpleasant too.) I really liked how you spun it round so quick though.

The description of the storm in the gulley was good too. I could hear the lightening almost. It’s like you can pick out little things and use those to make the picture bigger.
11/5/2009 c1 Tawny Owl
First of I love that the heroine is called Dexter and the angel is St John Edward Until Sunday I. You give your characters such quirky names which was one of the things I really enjoyed about the Mirror of Dysfunctional Hearts. It was good that you pointed out Dexter was a daughter fairly early on though.

Missy holding court with all the spoiled brats was fun to read, and the idea that there are fugitive angels running around and that Dexter can ‘call’ fire adds a tantalising magical element to what appears to be a sort of wild west town in the sticks. I may have got that wrong. I think it was all the dust references that made me think of that, and sheriffs and old woman whoever. Ok, there were more things than I thought.

St. John running off without paying made me laugh.

You did seem to jump around locations a bit though. It seemed that Dexter arrived in the tavern, and then back at the general store rather quick. It wasn’t confusing though. Just a bit abrupt. I expected the emissary to turn up in fall pomp and ceremony though, but the first time we saw him it looked like he’d left them outside.

There was great details in this though, like her Uncle Mic being scared of mice and that Missy’s parents only waltzed into town five years ago. I’m enjoying Dexter’s voice as well, she doesn’t seem weak at all, but still human and relatable enough to be put off stride by Greasy Corland.

You are not entirely unattractive? B*rstard.
10/28/2009 c4 fairy Eva
Holy crapsicles... I started reading this by accident and discovered a fantabulous story. See? You even have me making up new words! I hope you'll finish this one... it really is a super cool read. The grammar police in me has noticed a few mistakes, but the overall story has sunk its claws into me! SO GOD! Please update soon!
7/19/2009 c4 5Said Author
First of all, including hardcore sex turns me away... ;)

Second of all, I AM SORRY FOR THIS LATE REVIEW. The alert for this went in my span, stupid Yahoo. D:


Lightening flashed again ["Lightening" = "Lightning".]

how frantic is was ["is" = "it".]

lighting flashed again [It's LIGHTNING, woman! :P]

you all of that.” He said [use a comma, lowercase "He"]

I think the start was slow-paced but when the goat action kicked in, it got more interesting. ;P

That scene was very chaotic and I kept imagining water everywhere, lightning in the sky, loud overbearing thunder, and the screaming of St. Hon shouting "No!" all the time... not sure if that's what you were going for, though.

Whoa, he started a fire like some kind of mind force? or was it Dex? :brain fart: I like that that affected how Johnny boy [yes I'm calling him that for now :P] saw Dex's 'brave move'. Haha. Sometimes being impulsive isn't too good [and I love you're able to give me her personality/characterization like that! Her leaving town for revenge... impulsive! :D].

Aw, I find it nice that Johnny boy loves his goats. XD

Magic people become pets? D: This reminds me of Planet of the Apes for some reason... :P

Wow... the way they treated those people. And little kids had to see executions? Part of the brain washing of being encouraged to hate them, huh?

Oh... THAT kind of... "Pet". That's awful. Very creative though. :)

Ooh. I was wondering when Dex would realize she had to go back home. That part and throughout really stuck my eyes to the screen... and now it looks like Dex may have magic? Calling out to Johnny boy?

Well, now I need to know if her books are waiting for her and if her father isn't dead, so...

7/15/2009 c4 Della Can't Login On This Comp
Yes, this is Della and my username is sadly true. My work computer refuses to let me login. I am not lazy, merely oppressed. :O To make up for it, I’m writing you a very long and egotistical review wherein I pretend I actually know something and use a whole lot of (parentheses).

First off, fantastic chapter! I'm really loving what you're doing with your chapter titles. They get better and better. Ha-ha "potato". I do love it. But seriously, this story is pretty damn imaginative and I like your style.

I have but one lowly criticism that makes me feel really self conscious to say because I hate telling people stuff like this, even though I know it’s good for them in the long run. D: Just like booster shots. With the goat scene, to be honest, at first I was like "lol i dunno wats goin on". But the thing is, I couldn’t figure out /why/ it didn’t completely make sense. The writing was fine—-none too vague—-but in all honesty it was a really new situation where the character understood and reacted faster than the audience (or just me, I am quite dense). In my professional opinion, I think the problem is exactly what your author note is saying. It IS scary to write a chapter without action. And yet...


...those are my favorite kinds! Chapters chopped full of CHARACTER BUILDING are like kittens to me! I can’t get enough of them.

“But wait!” you (hypothetically) say. “Why is that?”

During my leave of absence in the whole writing biz (I say biz but I mean hobby) I've been reading so much more than I used to and it all makes sense. All of it. People (not you, I’m really just rambling in order to come to some sort of point) think of plot ideas and vivid teenaged fantasies (that last one pertaining to all the harry potter and twilight fan fictions where they change the names and the minute details and call it original) and then glue in recycled and possibly cardboard characters to fulfill the story. Nay! I spit on this practice!

And fortunately you don’t suffer from this! However, your concern about readers not liking slower chapters has brought me to my point: like the Chinese proberb says, "You can't let the plot control your characters. Let the characters control the plot and therefore the story. Viva la fiction!"

In conclusion, too much plot is like a television series. Exciting and awesome, but rather shallow and lacking in most cases. However with the right amount of characterization/plot goodness balance, you have a movie and—voila!—a freaking Oscar!

So, now that I have informed you of the wise ways of which you already probably know, my vote is to have as many slower, action-less chapters as you need to fully convey the lovely Dexter and the cute-N’-grumpy St. John. ^_^ Go for the gold!

I’m nervous about WtWTA (lame abbreviation, I know) too! The trailer looks pretty good though. I loves Arcade Fire. I have faith it will be good, I just don’t know why they ('they' INDEED being those shady, suit-clad corporate movie executives, most of which have terrible personal hygiene) would want to make a movie off of a beloved children’s book that consists of four lines. I mean, okay, it’s a great concept so I /do/ see why they would do it but it gets me all jittery and grandpa-like anyway because they’re going to be messing with the simplicity of it all and that's a really bad idea. Anyway.

The final word of Della who talks too much: where’s Louis? I miss him already.
7/8/2009 c4 RandomActs
Makes me want goats(again). I was fine until I read your comments and now I can't help but see Ceasar in my head as well. As of this chapter there is no comparison between Louis and St. John. I do hope he takes her back into town to help her deal with whatever awaits...I really liked this chapter, you really built their characters in this one. Keep it up!
6/29/2009 c3 Said Author
Frogs? Frogs! :D

:cough: Anyway... I'm really thirsty now, thanks. All because of those "magical" foodstuffs St. John gave Dexter. :P At first when he was saying Dex's name I thought his name was ALSO Dexter! And then when he was Edward I almost forgot who he was... and then I beat Dexter by thinking he was St. John before Dex could say so. Mwahaha.

Oh, and frogs. I really liked that kid story... and St. John sounds like a semi-crazy dude. Keep it up! :}
6/26/2009 c3 Dellarose
NAY! I love long chapters. Like, a lot and I beseech thee for more of them. =D

So 'Detta' is what I'm officially and arrogantly considering the Olde English version of Della. Ye Olde Horse Detta. Even if this story does not come anywhere near the middle ages. Teheheh.

I liked the The Adventures of Coromitus and the Frogs detail a hella lot. It reminds me of Where the Wild Things Are and The Little Prince, all rolled in one! Such goodness! And St. John's characterization is certainly shaping up well. The slightly brooding, slightly strange young man is always a good choice, but I think ECCENTRIC is always a nice dash of flavor. Who knows, perhaps an odd collection of match boxes or a pair of coke bottle glasses or a fascination with scabs would be cool. Tehehe, actually none of those would, but youse gets what I means.

Which brings me to my last point, yes, Louis gets the Della stamp of nerdy cutenes. Hehe, I guess that's just my area of expertise/enthrallment. So now I do really want to know what's up with the praying thing. UPDATE GRRL. :D
6/26/2009 c3 MARXistPark
Not bad, I liked theproper intro to his character. The storieswere a nice touch to.the drink me part reminded me of alice in wonderland was that supposed to?

Good job.
6/26/2009 c3 3That One Dork Stacey
Pft! Are you crazy? I love your ridiculously long chapters :[

They should be longer! Longer I say! :D

Hahah. I'm just happy you're writing again. This story is already interesting to me. Another great one to add to the favorites. :]

6/26/2009 c3 RandomActs
Oy, I wish someone would pick up my chin and tell me I need more sleep. There is something about a man whose animals stay with him when they don't have to and whose bed has multiple quilts. I really haven't found him to be scary yet, or even superhuman. It will be interesting to see how his story develops. Can't wait for more!
6/26/2009 c2 RandomActs
I loved your description of the apothecary. Made me feel like I could smell all the smells. Also, I like Louis. I think she should give him a chance. After all, dweebs can make the most loyal of men, if you let them. I am also feeling more of what the town is like and that makes me less anxious as I read. I look forward to more...
6/23/2009 c2 Dellarose
:3 LOVE IT! Especially Louis! Ep, -fangirl lurch-!

Wowza, some serious action in this chapter, eh? I liked it, but especially the way it ended with her sort of praying for help, resulting in a prayer for St. John. Mhahah, I wonder how the next chapter will begin. ^-^ tehehe

I know exactly what you mean about strange names inspiring stories. I believe it's the basis for half of my crud.

ILU, NOW UPDATE? I'm sorry it took me a while to review, I did not notice it had been updated! But I'm putting this story on extra alert to all my precious email accounts. Whee!
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