for In My Dying Breath10/7/2010 c15 grumpydaysleeper
Okay! I am hooked. I love the characters and where you are going with this story. I cannot wait to read more!
~grumpydaysleeper~
Okay! I am hooked. I love the characters and where you are going with this story. I cannot wait to read more!
~grumpydaysleeper~
3/2/2010 c14 Ray
Woah, that is a pretty awesome story! Usually, I don't like to read horror stuff, but your zombie story is one of the few that I enjoy.
Hmm one of the things that I like in your story is how you keep foreshadowing, and the narrator keeps getting side-tracked. It feels very much more personal that way. Also, you have a lot of details in your story, which makes it easier for readers to imagine the scene. But although your story has plenty of details, it's in neat paragraphs that are easy to read. I really appreciate that. (Long chunks of paragraph makes me dizzy)
Hmm I also like the fact that she's like writing a diary on a few scraps of paper... even if no one would read it. It kinda shows how desperate she is... And I can easily imagine the scene of a girl in grim and dust, scribbling her past life down...
The background information and the high school life, makes it seem more terrible when all the things in her life that you have described to us, are destroyed by the plague of zombies and stuff. The loss of her family also makes us feel pity for her.
Then, I also like how the character's actions and behavior are believable. It feels like it isn't a story of fiction, but a real-life autobiography or whatever it is called. (Though I think it would be pretty scary if it was true)
Hm tips to improve, huh? Hmm I'm not sure... I think that it would be great to have more dialogue in the story to spice it up a little, cause it seems a little ... how to say... 2D right now? *fails at describing* But then again, one is unlikely to write dialogue in a diary... So... yeah. No complains, really. XP
Overall, I just got to say well done, and that you're a fabulous writer, and you should continue with this story. (Like... the standard of your work makes me think that I'm reading a published bound book in paper and ink. Like, seriously. You could be a writer ^^)
Woah, that is a pretty awesome story! Usually, I don't like to read horror stuff, but your zombie story is one of the few that I enjoy.
Hmm one of the things that I like in your story is how you keep foreshadowing, and the narrator keeps getting side-tracked. It feels very much more personal that way. Also, you have a lot of details in your story, which makes it easier for readers to imagine the scene. But although your story has plenty of details, it's in neat paragraphs that are easy to read. I really appreciate that. (Long chunks of paragraph makes me dizzy)
Hmm I also like the fact that she's like writing a diary on a few scraps of paper... even if no one would read it. It kinda shows how desperate she is... And I can easily imagine the scene of a girl in grim and dust, scribbling her past life down...
The background information and the high school life, makes it seem more terrible when all the things in her life that you have described to us, are destroyed by the plague of zombies and stuff. The loss of her family also makes us feel pity for her.
Then, I also like how the character's actions and behavior are believable. It feels like it isn't a story of fiction, but a real-life autobiography or whatever it is called. (Though I think it would be pretty scary if it was true)
Hm tips to improve, huh? Hmm I'm not sure... I think that it would be great to have more dialogue in the story to spice it up a little, cause it seems a little ... how to say... 2D right now? *fails at describing* But then again, one is unlikely to write dialogue in a diary... So... yeah. No complains, really. XP
Overall, I just got to say well done, and that you're a fabulous writer, and you should continue with this story. (Like... the standard of your work makes me think that I'm reading a published bound book in paper and ink. Like, seriously. You could be a writer ^^)
2/22/2010 c14 
2FieryPhoenixDawn47
Wow. Just... wow. You are a phenominal writer. That's all I have to say, just WOW!
2FieryPhoenixDawn47Wow. Just... wow. You are a phenominal writer. That's all I have to say, just WOW!
1/9/2010 c13 Flytte
This story is the best! It feels so real and it is definitely in my favorites! :D
This story is the best! It feels so real and it is definitely in my favorites! :D
12/16/2009 c12 Jinx.S
Please write more, please?
THis is so good, I wanna read more!
Please write more, please?
THis is so good, I wanna read more!
12/13/2009 c12 Hannah
Good story...this is the first horror i've read on and it's really good
Good story...this is the first horror i've read on and it's really good
11/23/2009 c11 14Sputnik
Excellent. I can really get a sense of the impending danger gettign ever closer, and the fact you spent so long setting up these characters means I actually care about them being in danger
14SputnikExcellent. I can really get a sense of the impending danger gettign ever closer, and the fact you spent so long setting up these characters means I actually care about them being in danger
11/17/2009 c10 Nomad Princess
Avalbane was a good choice! I'm really enjoying this, which is nice because I usually don't like the whole zombie thing. The whole family dying was very sad, but Aelra's death was the worst to read about (for me). I look forward to the next chapter!
Avalbane was a good choice! I'm really enjoying this, which is nice because I usually don't like the whole zombie thing. The whole family dying was very sad, but Aelra's death was the worst to read about (for me). I look forward to the next chapter!
11/16/2009 c3 2Astarel
Good start. You might want to contrast between the then and now a bit more, though ^_^ *continues reading*
2AstarelGood start. You might want to contrast between the then and now a bit more, though ^_^ *continues reading*
11/14/2009 c3 14Sputnik
I like this. I particularly like the scattershot style which lends it a real personality
14SputnikI like this. I particularly like the scattershot style which lends it a real personality
11/13/2009 c9 8Shinoskunoichi
Wow, I am so transfixed on this story!
Yes there's a lot of stories out there about the zombie apocalypse, but it never gets, old, yet with your story, I love how you made the characters seem so real, that I can relate to.
You write incredible! With the details and the plot, you keep the story moving forward, and you keep readers, like me, hooked. You have an amazing talent, and I hope that you keep writing and do something with it. I absolutely love your story and you are a great storyteller, that I can't wait for the next chpater.
Keep writing!
-SK
8ShinoskunoichiWow, I am so transfixed on this story!
Yes there's a lot of stories out there about the zombie apocalypse, but it never gets, old, yet with your story, I love how you made the characters seem so real, that I can relate to.
You write incredible! With the details and the plot, you keep the story moving forward, and you keep readers, like me, hooked. You have an amazing talent, and I hope that you keep writing and do something with it. I absolutely love your story and you are a great storyteller, that I can't wait for the next chpater.
Keep writing!
-SK