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for Me? A hero? Are you on drugs?

12/19/2010 c2 27Writerandreader
I can see y people love this story:)
2/20/2010 c2 35deadliving
6/19/2009 c1 Kalfazar
To be blunt, this story (or prologue) is too confusing to be intriguing. The English and punctuation need work, there are a lot of dropped words and poor sentence structures, and talking about how the story will be confusing is not an excuse for bad story-telling.

The actual concept is not bad. The self-hating hero is well-trod ground, but there's no such thing as a new story, so your take on it may well be worth exploring. However, if you want, as I often do, to make a point of taking a swipe at standard story motifs or standard phrases, you need to do it in a way that flows better than a paragraph of going over several at a time. Yes, we know you're telling an anti-happy ending story, but if you spend to much time pointing it out, it gets tiresome.

I don't think you need to spend time fixing up this prologue because it's not the real story. Instead, I think you need to start the real story, make it something that doesn't really need this prologue, and then come back and re-write it if you still want to have it around.
6/19/2009 c1 2Velvet Liquor
My God, you are certainly off to a good start, aren't you? I love how straight-to-the-point she is. Your writing style is very intriguing, and I certainly look forward to reading more of this little gem.
6/19/2009 c1 35deadliving
Well I can't wait to see what happens next!

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