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8/28/2010 c33 5I Can Breathe
The length of this chapter was perfect - nothing felt out of place and it flowed well. The tension is really prominent.
8/28/2010 c33 7KuroKage1717
I'm glad you threw in Skeller's spies - if you hadn't, the whole situation would make much sense. Sending a bunch of kids in alone to pull off a mission? Without any supervision?

Anyways, great to see that Caine's still human. And that little scuffle with Nick was probably the highlight of the chapter.

Good stuff.
8/11/2010 c30 1Blitz Attack
Ohh... My... Goodness... I was rolling on the floor, laughing my butt off. Well, actually I was doubled up in my chair cracking up, but eh **shrugs** details. = ) Zomgah, I adore this story so much! Usually, I wait until the last chapter that's written to write a review, but this one was so amazing that I simply HAD to write one now! I love everything about this story, the action, the wit, the plot, the characters, the drama, everything. This is so well written, and well thought out; I absolutely adore it; and I'm a bit of a picky reader. = ) I also enjoyed all of the songs; I knew them all so I was able to sing along with Ryan. = ) I love it!
7/27/2010 c32 5I Can Breathe
I really like the scene with Audrey at the end. She and Caine would make a good couple - she's not as annoying as other girls and Caine wouldn't have to act normal since she knows what he's like already. I'm not sure how this story will end - happy or sad - so I would like to see Caine lighten up for at least a few minutes - he always has these walls up and it would be nice to see another side of him. I really like this story and all of your stories in general - I'll be looking forward to the untitled story.
6/29/2010 c30 3The Awesome One
Ah, I absolutely LOVE this story! Your plot line, sentence structure and everything were absolutely amazing (especially the plot line ;P)

I know this is incredibly pointless, but: please try to update soon! I'm DYING to know what happens to Squad # (wait hold on, gotta check the number) 2426891 :D
4/22/2010 c29 7KuroKage1717
Wow, nice long chapter. And full of losta excitement. Nice one! I've just kinda been enjoying how the main character is slowly changing throughout the story. Before, he was the average nice guy, but now he's more arrogant, confident with a bit of cockiness. More of a fun read, because he's not afraid to do what he wants.
4/18/2010 c28 KuroKage1717
" I don't like your uniform." Really, the best line in the whole chapter. It cracked me up - now I'm looking forward to see how they fair against the other squad.
4/15/2010 c27 KuroKage1717
Huh. Sounds like he's becoming quite the little monster (in a good way.) It'll be fun to see how this little competition plays out. :)
4/12/2010 c25 KuroKage1717
Wow. Looks like things are getting worse for him, although I can't tell which side is which in his little mental battle. Is there even a good side? Both sound pretty crazy to me. :D
4/11/2010 c24 KuroKage1717
Hey! Nice to see an update!

This chapter was certainly different from the others. It had a creepy overtone, especially near the end. I'm a little scared to find out just what exactly is happening inside Caine's head, though it's all bit confusing. It seems like the bad guys are trying to break him down into a pile of quivering mush, both mentally and physically.

One thing: the flow of words seemed a bit rough in this chapter, and you used the the word "pain" so many times it got almost annoying. Just try to use more synonyms.

Overall, I'm happy to see an update. I think this story is very intriguing, and deserving of more reviews. Try visiting the General Forum, The Roadhouse, on this site. They'll give awesome reviews if you ask for it. :D
3/19/2010 c23 KuroKage1717
Hn... a little surprised at the ending of this last chapter, but it'll be interesting to see what happens next. One small complaint though - Caine taking on seventy highly-trained fighters and being able to walk out with minor injuries and exhaustion seems to be stretching it just a little. It's fiction, so I can forgive the stretching of reality, but personally, I like things to be kept fairly realistic.

In any case, nice chapter. :)
3/18/2010 c1 4OKatie
Love it! I'll have to find time to read more of it. I like your writing style and the character. Good stuff. :)

-Katie from TG. (got an account here just for kicks...I might not use it much though)
3/15/2010 c22 7KuroKage1717
Uh oh. Don't tell me...his nightmare is going to become reality? That would be one hideous punishment. Please tell me I'm wrong!
3/14/2010 c20 KuroKage1717
Really. He's gonna get himself killed one of these days if he keeps on doing things like that. *shakes head sadly*

And. . .I get the feeling that he's turning into one of them. Except for the being freaky evil part.
3/14/2010 c19 KuroKage1717
Another awesome update - what else can I say?

Just one thing I've noticed:

When you write your action-type scenes, your sentences are mostly long, compound sentences. Try shortening them up. It'll help the action flow better, as well as create impact and suspense.



Like:

"I planted my feet on the ground, which I could see by someone shining their light at me. I pulled myself in a crouch under the fire of the gun. Then nailed a solid punch to the guy blocking my exit's face."

Instead of:

"I planted my feet on the ground, which I could see by someone shining their light at me, pulled myself in a crouch under the fire of the gun, and nailed a solid punch to the guy blocking my exit's face."

I just find it works better for me, and it's a whole lot easier on the reader. :D
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