for Mafia Runner7/9/2009 c4 rgrimes89
Aw you so have so many reviews already and you deserve every single one :D. I wouldn't have known that was painful writing for you!
The big question is: next chapter? This is the story on FP that I wanna see updated the most... and if you saw how many stories I follow you'd know that I love this big time :)
Some quick comments to make the review half-way interesting...
I LOVE the mafia! Well... not the mafia. Just these guys and the theme, they are seriously sinister and Romano is brilliantly evil and cunning. Also, I love the names you've given to each of your characters, they fit well and don't seem cliched. I was shocked that they found the boys so fast, but then again, it makes things look evem more hopeless for Afton, if they can catch up so quickly.
I love Tony - usually I hate the 'sidekick' character, but he really stands on his own. And usually I don't care about the best friend, but I'm really worried about the way Romano asked about the boy's relationship... please don't let him hurt poor Tony!
It was this chapter Tony mooned the mafia in, wasn't it? (I read the chap earlier and came back to review, because I love it so much). Funny, but would he do that since he's rather less innocent in comparison to Afton when it comes to the mafia, right? Surely he knows that's a bit too risky? Also, I'm not sure Tony could have slipped past two mafia men so easily. I'm not complaining, because both parts made entertaining reading :)
Afton won't fall for this guy easily, will he? I hope not!
And you might not send review replies since you have so many reviews, but if you do, I should warn you that this is my friend Ryan's account... I hijack his email anyway, so it's cool, but just to warn you to avoid confusion.
Love this to bits and yay for long reviews
H xx
Aw you so have so many reviews already and you deserve every single one :D. I wouldn't have known that was painful writing for you!
The big question is: next chapter? This is the story on FP that I wanna see updated the most... and if you saw how many stories I follow you'd know that I love this big time :)
Some quick comments to make the review half-way interesting...
I LOVE the mafia! Well... not the mafia. Just these guys and the theme, they are seriously sinister and Romano is brilliantly evil and cunning. Also, I love the names you've given to each of your characters, they fit well and don't seem cliched. I was shocked that they found the boys so fast, but then again, it makes things look evem more hopeless for Afton, if they can catch up so quickly.
I love Tony - usually I hate the 'sidekick' character, but he really stands on his own. And usually I don't care about the best friend, but I'm really worried about the way Romano asked about the boy's relationship... please don't let him hurt poor Tony!
It was this chapter Tony mooned the mafia in, wasn't it? (I read the chap earlier and came back to review, because I love it so much). Funny, but would he do that since he's rather less innocent in comparison to Afton when it comes to the mafia, right? Surely he knows that's a bit too risky? Also, I'm not sure Tony could have slipped past two mafia men so easily. I'm not complaining, because both parts made entertaining reading :)
Afton won't fall for this guy easily, will he? I hope not!
And you might not send review replies since you have so many reviews, but if you do, I should warn you that this is my friend Ryan's account... I hijack his email anyway, so it's cool, but just to warn you to avoid confusion.
Love this to bits and yay for long reviews
H xx
7/9/2009 c4 
2Ominous Rain
aw Poor Tony. At least Afton wasn't scared. Now i wonder how Romano will act...
2Ominous Rainaw Poor Tony. At least Afton wasn't scared. Now i wonder how Romano will act...
7/9/2009 c4 the cow on the box
Poor Afton ! He can't even enjoy himself a little !
Can't wait to see Lucian's reaction
Poor Afton ! He can't even enjoy himself a little !
Can't wait to see Lucian's reaction
7/9/2009 c4 Le1chi
lol well I don't think Romano was actually even hiding the fact that he was in the mafia. With all those people following him! xD
lol well I don't think Romano was actually even hiding the fact that he was in the mafia. With all those people following him! xD
7/8/2009 c4 Marrs
I love this story, i re-read it with every new chapter. Can't wait for the next one. Not gonna lie though i'm hoping for some nick/afton drama.
I love this story, i re-read it with every new chapter. Can't wait for the next one. Not gonna lie though i'm hoping for some nick/afton drama.
7/8/2009 c4 piriperi
So far I love this story! It is well written and I find the characters very interesting. Can't wait for the next chapter :)
So far I love this story! It is well written and I find the characters very interesting. Can't wait for the next chapter :)
7/8/2009 c4 11dreamercrys
Hehehe... I love it! I wish I could see Lucian's face when Afton asked him that...buit alas I can't...*sigh* Can't wait to see his reaction though...
11dreamercrysHehehe... I love it! I wish I could see Lucian's face when Afton asked him that...buit alas I can't...*sigh* Can't wait to see his reaction though...
7/8/2009 c4 ricemidget
I hope Tony doesn't die... 8O
Loving the story more and more!
I hope Tony doesn't die... 8O
Loving the story more and more!
7/8/2009 c4 Gwengwel
Ho, it's was not a long run. Sad, but the *moon* was funny loll.
I really want to know Romano answer about Afton question. Well, I can understand the why but Afton don't know Romano motive and to have the mafia want you... it's can be frightening.
Ho, it's was not a long run. Sad, but the *moon* was funny loll.
I really want to know Romano answer about Afton question. Well, I can understand the why but Afton don't know Romano motive and to have the mafia want you... it's can be frightening.
7/8/2009 c4 2That Day Is Mine
Hullo again! I come with a new name this time, but I'm the same person, yeah. xD
Hmm, the chapter was okay. I suppose you have to build up the story a bit for the reader to sink their teeth into it. I'm still very excited to see where you take this but I won't lie, the bit where Tony and Afton attempt to run away from Lucian was rather lacking in action. There should have been a bit more of a spark in the getaway. Actually the whole getting away could have done with more action, or a little more, I guess spontaneousness? I hope you don't think I'm being rude or anything. I just found the chapter a little boring and you're not a bad writer. I love the idea you've got going and Lucian's speech mannerisms improved. You really cleaned up his dialogue, and I was very happy with that.
Otherwise, Nick kinda bothered me. I dunno why, really but he did. I guess I just found him a little annoying but that's okay. All the characters don't have to be lovable. xD
You did have one error: forgot the space between 'this' and 'strange' at the end of the second scene. I'm not really a grammar person, so sorry I can't be of any help technically.
I look forward to the next chapter!
T.D. Is Mine
P.S. I reviewed last time as An Eccentric Caffeine Addict.
2That Day Is MineHullo again! I come with a new name this time, but I'm the same person, yeah. xD
Hmm, the chapter was okay. I suppose you have to build up the story a bit for the reader to sink their teeth into it. I'm still very excited to see where you take this but I won't lie, the bit where Tony and Afton attempt to run away from Lucian was rather lacking in action. There should have been a bit more of a spark in the getaway. Actually the whole getting away could have done with more action, or a little more, I guess spontaneousness? I hope you don't think I'm being rude or anything. I just found the chapter a little boring and you're not a bad writer. I love the idea you've got going and Lucian's speech mannerisms improved. You really cleaned up his dialogue, and I was very happy with that.
Otherwise, Nick kinda bothered me. I dunno why, really but he did. I guess I just found him a little annoying but that's okay. All the characters don't have to be lovable. xD
You did have one error: forgot the space between 'this' and 'strange' at the end of the second scene. I'm not really a grammar person, so sorry I can't be of any help technically.
I look forward to the next chapter!
T.D. Is Mine
P.S. I reviewed last time as An Eccentric Caffeine Addict.
7/6/2009 c3 rgrimes89
Arrg! Don't you hate it when you write a review and your signal cuts out as you press send?
So yes. Freakin' awesome story. One of the best stories on FP. I love it. Your two main characters and the dynamic between them is fantastic. I love the mafia theme meets slash story - already this has a plot to die for. All the other characters and the writing in general are pretty damn flawless.
If you don't update this I will go mafia on you and chase you till you do update! :P
But seriously. I'm dying to find out what happens. The whole notion of the impending chase is crazy exciting. Pulleese update!
Arrg! Don't you hate it when you write a review and your signal cuts out as you press send?
So yes. Freakin' awesome story. One of the best stories on FP. I love it. Your two main characters and the dynamic between them is fantastic. I love the mafia theme meets slash story - already this has a plot to die for. All the other characters and the writing in general are pretty damn flawless.
If you don't update this I will go mafia on you and chase you till you do update! :P
But seriously. I'm dying to find out what happens. The whole notion of the impending chase is crazy exciting. Pulleese update!
7/4/2009 c3 greengarbage
I was going to wait to review but then you updated so fast. Love your characters, and I love that Afton isn't a victim. Where'd THAT name come from btw? Makes him sound like a snack cake; "let's go into the dining room for dinner and Afters!"
Oh well. Seems like there were some minor mechanics problems in ch1 & 2 but nothing major. Just distracting. Ch3 I think the line "either has my parents." should have been "neither have my parents." Made my eye tick a little and I kept going back to it. Out of curiousity, any chacne this story will be condenced when you finish, or when you get farther along? It gets so annoying to click through chapters when I decide to reread (and I have no doubt I will this one). Or there are websites that do it for you like WWOMB. I'm being annoying now so I'll be quiet, but I'm looking forward to your next chapter.
I was going to wait to review but then you updated so fast. Love your characters, and I love that Afton isn't a victim. Where'd THAT name come from btw? Makes him sound like a snack cake; "let's go into the dining room for dinner and Afters!"
Oh well. Seems like there were some minor mechanics problems in ch1 & 2 but nothing major. Just distracting. Ch3 I think the line "either has my parents." should have been "neither have my parents." Made my eye tick a little and I kept going back to it. Out of curiousity, any chacne this story will be condenced when you finish, or when you get farther along? It gets so annoying to click through chapters when I decide to reread (and I have no doubt I will this one). Or there are websites that do it for you like WWOMB. I'm being annoying now so I'll be quiet, but I'm looking forward to your next chapter.