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for Gabriel and Fatima

8/15/2009 c11 this wild abyss
Darn it. Somehow I hoped that everything would be okay, but I guess not. The end was really sweet though I likes it. And if you don't mind, I think I'm going to add this to my c2. Contact me if you have any objections.
8/15/2009 c10 this wild abyss
Wow, that's even worse than before.

:reads on:
8/15/2009 c9 this wild abyss
Oh no! that's terrible. But, I should have been expecting it, you know. This being Romeo and Juliet. Anyway, great job.

:reads on:
8/10/2009 c12 Chancee
I think you did a masterful job at this even through what you call stumbling. There are many lessons throughout this work and maybe the mature side of me can pick them out more so then younger folks, but this was powerful in a none forceful way.

The two were truly a modern day R&J and there are so many out there that suffer like they did in many other ways too. Not just this sort of controversy.

Your political views and all did not overshadow anything and you did a wonderful job of giving us the characters and what they believed very clearly, IMO.

Beautiful job luv and I can't wait to see what else you give to us.

Momo - Beer Run of the Roadhouse
8/10/2009 c11 Chancee
I am sitting here crying my d* eyes out. I mean the last chapter was the most powerful affect ever. Oh the terrible things that they suffered in realizing the adults of their time could not just lay aside there differences and seek shalom.

Oh God this was gripping and so real I was about to Google the da** story to find out what I could. This was such a well thought out and meaningful piece that I am so glad that you brought it to our attention to keep us thinking about what others go through in countries that are not as free as ours.

Masterful work...

Momo - Beer Run of the Roadhouse
8/10/2009 c10 Chancee

That's all I can actually say...
8/10/2009 c9 Chancee
Okay I did not see that coming so GREAT! He lives through this chapter...**Sighs relief**

But he's in prison for two murders he did not commit. Now as for the grenade blasts these must be some really weak grenades or am I too use to the sensationalism of hollywood? Possibly.

I was nervous when the uncle came out...seriously so you handled this chapter really well and the intensity and drama is still at an all time high. You never fail in making us read at the edge of our seats and this work is going along marvelously.

On to the next chapter to see Fatima's reaction.

Momo - Beer run of the Roadhouse
8/10/2009 c8 Chancee
By GOD GIRL! I'm literally sitting here shedding tear of the unknown and all that could go wrong from this point...I mean I felt that when I read she sent a letter I actually said 'No you idiot...why?' Yeah I was scolding her and then i got mad at her folks. Of course I know what it is to be in a home full of prejudice people their prejudice is also fueled by some of their religious teachings and it just truly angered me.

Great job with evoking so much emotion and this story is so much a slice of life I truly adore it!

I have to see if my hunches are right...And if they are I'm shaking my fist and tissue at you in advance.

Momo - Beer Run of the Roadhouse
8/10/2009 c7 Chancee
*Squeals in utter delight**

Oh I haven't read a good romance in awhile and this is my cup of tea. That warm fuzzy ness that tugs at your navel is driving me nuts.

I so love how he was able to brush off the alcoholic slut and stay true to his new love interest. I think Yael has some thing up her sleeve though. I also keep thinking to myself, 'Why the heck are thy getting away with so many parties? Are the neighbors just that oblivious?'

Okay now the little kissing action was so realistic and I covered my mouth to give out an 'Aw.' When she kissed him back. This is so very cute so On to the next chapter...

Momo - Beer Run of the Roadhouse
8/10/2009 c6 Chancee
Oh the budding romance is so so, intense but sweet. The notion that it is fashioned after a tragedy makes me ache for the couple even more. I swear that getting closer to each other is such a wonderful feeling and the fact they are from opposite worlds almost makes it that more enticing. I love how this is going so gradually and they are becoming like friends first.

This is how the relationship will really solidify the love of these two and I can't wait to get to more...

I am so loving this!

momo - Beer Run of the Roadhouse
8/10/2009 c5 Chancee
oh this was a good chapter indeed. I truly liked how you showed the wantingness of the young couple but honestly I thought the girl was going to get blown up...sorry.

I like how you had things happen instead. I also think it was paced fast enough that you did not drag out the horniness and the rejection was sort of flippant and so I could feel the pain in his heart of thinking that he was just a tool for satisfaction.

I was really interested to see that he cried, but there again people forget that men cry just like women. They are just often trained not to. I like seeing his weakness and Fatima's need to comfort.

Very good chapter!

Momo - Beer Run of the Roadhouse
8/10/2009 c4 Chancee
Sounds like this will be a build up to a really good cat fight. Oh Fatima is so jealous and Gabriel is still very saucy indeed. I love how the parents are noticing a bit but are truely cluelss as to the 'depth' of the relationship at the table.

The tension is very subtle here and I like it too. It adds to the characters since they are being deceitful on so many levels with a Rabbi there. Thanks for keeping them real and human.

This is so interesting too...

Got to keep going.

Momo - Beer Run of the Roadhouse
8/10/2009 c3 Chancee
OH so Gab is a closet freak hunh? I loved that! He is so the total guy type and the little bathroom romance so smexy! J.D...**Lifts Eyebrow** Didn't know you were into such little snippets of writing sexy things...Heh..heh...

I like how you continue to tell the story with both accounts overlapping some and I see that Fatima is more infatuated then Gabriel which is really good.

I think the description of the 'carpet matching the curtains' was witty and sexy cool. Great job with this J.D. and I need to get on to the next chapter...

Momo - Beer Run of the Roadhouse
8/10/2009 c2 Chancee
OH my God this is so good and so up to date and real! I love the tension and the action and everything is falling into place very nicely. It really is a modern day Romeo and Juliet and I think you have a winner in this.

Now you can add just a tad more tension in your descriptions of how everyone is doing with her being around just because it is not a biography but a story but other than that it still is an exciting read.

On to the next chapter.

Momo - Beer Run of the Roadhouse
8/10/2009 c1 Chancee
OH my goodness you have entranced me with something that is probably going to rival some movies. I am already keyed up to see how Fatimah and Gabriel's lives will possibly intertwine or just parallel.

I think this is going to be a magnificent ride into the horrible fighting and I like the fact you are writing something of this depth and controversy. This is going to be an epic story I believe and I will have to get going to see what happens next.

Oh yes and the idea of writing a diary is very well done.

Momo - Beer Run of the Roadhouse
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