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for Murder in the Kingdom of Hier

6/29/2009 c1 41Venz0r
Wait a minute. I thought there would be more to it! She just kills him and kills herself after doing some things correctly? It seemed to happen too fast, unless the real story is supposed to happen after?

I liked the setup, but there was a lack of development past Sophie's introduction. I got a sense of her, but she suddenly decides to be queen and it all comes down like a waterfall.

I think you should revise it, separate some parts into chapters, and develop her character a bit more. That's just my opinion, though. If it was meant to be this way, that's perfectly fine.

You don't seem to have problems in any other area that I can see at first glance, which is a good sign!

Oh, one thing. "Sixteen years later... The year was 1350"-the second sentence sounds redundant, since you told us it was 1334 before~

Hope this helps.
6/28/2009 c1 67moongazer7
Wait, should she not be horrified that she killed her father? Also aren’t the people going to punish her for killing her father?

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