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for White Man's Burden

7/4/2009 c1 22lipleaf
I like the meaning you have behind this piece- nothing can change human nature. The brutality and hopelessness of our mindset and actions is tangible in this poem. The flow felt a bit odd though, as the punctuation caused it too be a bit choppy.

It's all kinda abstract and vague, but its ambiguity works out okay. Not bad.
7/4/2009 c1 1k+Faithless Juliet
The conclusion was very strong, indeed the whole piece had a lot of strength to it. I found the imagery of the man crying beside the wall of the dead very powerful; that he is not ashamed to wipe his eyes - it shows the fragility of love, and indeed the fragility of strength. It’s a different level of emotion when you go through war, as it is encountering others who have lived through it. The notion that nothing changes was very solid. America, or any modern neo-colonialism nation can and more then likely will fall like Rome, it’s just a matter of time. The world is continually changing. Keep up the good work.

Much love,

7/4/2009 c1 115ArekuKawaii
'American history is a tragedy

just like the ones Shakespeare wrote'

Out of your poem I liked these two lines because they seem true to what I have heard. And they are written so simply yet can bring out so much.

The rest of the poem however wasn't to my liking. I am not American, so this poem doesn't really effect me. (sorry, just my opinion...)

It was well written, just not my style is what I am trying to say.

I like how you wrote this like you were talking to someone because it makes this seem more mocking to what has been happening, but also it makes it seem like someone's opinion being belted out for all to hear.


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