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9/4/2009 c1 lymli
it's sweet and cool, I like the whole thing about the dream.
8/10/2009 c1 painted eyes
Heh I liked this, all the way through I tried to figure out what was going on.. so I liked the end, especially the last line. It was kind of ambiguous which I liked, but by always changing between tenses I felt it became rather confusing. But that's just a wee thing.

Keep up the good work.

~painted
7/4/2009 c1 45deefective
Hmm, well so far I like this little snippet of a chapter. It was pretty short but very well written. One small thing I noticed though is that at some points you switched between tenses. For example:

"I'd walk to the open window, and [my eyes feast] on the beautiful world as the gentle wind blow towards me..."

If you're going to keep the story with the tense you started with it should be:

"and my eyes [would] feast on the..."

Little writing mistakes like that take away from the writing itself, and in this case it's a shame. Other than that, nicely done.

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