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for The World Traveler

5/6/2010 c1 Canaletto
It's an interesting start. I’m looking forward to seeing where you go with this story. Though I haven’t seen much, it appears you have a fairly good idea where the plot is going. It's a shame that was less shown of the characters, but it was a sweet moment with the two. One point, Lexi and her grandmother both acted somewhat strange at the end. Lexi didn’t seem consistently distraught, and her grandmother had very little qualms about handing over such a massive responsibility to a twelve year old girl. Perhaps a bit more about the grandmother and the family will be revealed in the next chapter with the uncle’s arrival, hm? I’ll watch out for the next chapter.

8/10/2009 c1 6A Kiss in the Dreamhouse
That was very interesting. Seriously. I want to see how Lexi handles being a World Traveler! The Leukemia bit was sad as well...
7/5/2009 c1 4Aspiemor
I have to say your writing style has improved a lot since the last story written by you that I ahve read (not that the Puppetmaster was not good). I have foudn another good one and I can't wait to see more. Good luck.
7/4/2009 c1 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Heya. Me again if ya remember. :) Anyway, I think that this story has the potential to be a good story. For starters I can smell the scent of possible twists in character development alone since I think there's ton of stuff you can do for Lexi. But Ramona's refusal at being cured baffled me though. I suspect there's a legit reason behind this and whatever she has said here in this aspect was merely an excuse. At least a normal human being won't pass up a chance to be cured of a fatal disease. As for Lexi's uncle, is he going to be a vital character here? Anyway, this chapetr is a bit on the short side and my brain has gone bzt now, so I guess I'll stop at here. And yeah, in case you're wanting to review back, I hope you can have a shot in reviewing The Eternal Grail. Thanks and bye! :)
7/4/2009 c1 5TheLadyPendragon
The summary really intrigued me, LOL. In the summary, though, worst should be worse.

Poor Lexi. It's sad how she lost her grandmother, after losing everyone else in her life, too. Her young age is overdone, but the plot itself sounds very original and interesting. I like how they're not time travelers, but rather world travelers, only able to journey to the past. I think the grandmother's explanation could have flown a little better. It sounded kind of awkward. Not all of it, just the part where she says, "Plus, we’re traveling the world when we do so…so, World Traveler.” I think you can cut that part out, since it seems pretty self-explanatory. Other than that, this is a great start. I can't wait to see more soon. ^^
7/4/2009 c1 22lipleaf
Interesting start. I think the plot is moving too quickly, since it's only the first chapter, but... each to their own, I guess.

I find Lexi's reaction a bit odd, as her mother is dying and she would most likely want to be gentle with her in the last hour.

Not too bad of a first chapter, though.

CyneNoir- Pay it forward to the Roadhouse.
7/4/2009 c1 The Tragedian
Your description is extraordinary. You don't dwell on unnecessary details. I liked how you brought up the sense of the beginning of the situation in the second paragraph.

Although, in the second half, some of the dialogue seemed unnatural. I know Lexi's sad up her grandmother's disease, but some of her dialogue doesn't show it. Maybe show a little more distraught and depressed Lexi?

And also, perhaps you should change, 'Ramona Black, had been her last known living relative, and now that she was dead nobody would be able to take care of her,' in the first paragraph. Apparently, the grandmother told about her uncle so even after the grandmother's death, she's not technically alone and does have someone to take care of her. Maybe you should reword it.
7/4/2009 c1 Xx-Angel-of-Shadows-xX
Wow, I love Lexi! She is fiery, determined and thoroughly awesome!

Continue your fic soon please, I love it already! Great introduction, I can feel it coming to life!

The only thing I could pick up was in the last section.

"Ha that’s ironic considering you supposedly ‘fix’ the past. I’m only twelve years old, how can you do this to me!”

Should be

"Ha,that’s ironic considering you supposedly ‘fix’ the past. I’m only twelve years old, how could you do this to me?”

Apart from that, it is brilliant, please continue soon!


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