for A Dear Alan Song7/9/2009 c1 
9Narq
Hey there, you started this formally, with a Dear someone. It gave an intimate feel to this story, as if you're drawing someone close telling a secret. As the 'story' revealed, I felt it was almost poetic, with the metaphores of Morphone and so on. You have very strong verb-driven sentences so this piece feels very very active and firm.
What I'd like to see is a letter-like ending. It would be a nice end to this story.
Great work!
Narq.
9NarqHey there, you started this formally, with a Dear someone. It gave an intimate feel to this story, as if you're drawing someone close telling a secret. As the 'story' revealed, I felt it was almost poetic, with the metaphores of Morphone and so on. You have very strong verb-driven sentences so this piece feels very very active and firm.
What I'd like to see is a letter-like ending. It would be a nice end to this story.
Great work!
Narq.