for Faux5/25/2010 c1 eiyuang999
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10/26/2009 c1 Veriria
I just wanted to say that I really like this story so far. I'm eagerly awaiting to see where it is headed!
I just wanted to say that I really like this story so far. I'm eagerly awaiting to see where it is headed!
10/19/2009 c6 J.E.Wyatt
Aw...I wish there was more dialogue between Michael and Dawn...But, as much as I long for it, the way you seem to be holding off on any major romantic development is heightening the suspense. I am absolutely entranced by this story. I can see it turning into a movie-I think I mentioned this before, but the premise of this story is so original. And the whole "not being able to feel" is very interesting-and it can be used with a romantic twist to it. Something I noticed in this chapter where Dawn sees Michael asleep. She can feel him then but not when he's awake. I don't know. But maybe he can be the first person to make her feel something...? Ah, I don't know where I'm going with this. I'll leave it to you. Can't wait to read the next chapter!
xxJH
Aw...I wish there was more dialogue between Michael and Dawn...But, as much as I long for it, the way you seem to be holding off on any major romantic development is heightening the suspense. I am absolutely entranced by this story. I can see it turning into a movie-I think I mentioned this before, but the premise of this story is so original. And the whole "not being able to feel" is very interesting-and it can be used with a romantic twist to it. Something I noticed in this chapter where Dawn sees Michael asleep. She can feel him then but not when he's awake. I don't know. But maybe he can be the first person to make her feel something...? Ah, I don't know where I'm going with this. I'll leave it to you. Can't wait to read the next chapter!
xxJH
10/19/2009 c5 J.E.Wyatt
I love the mood you've created with this chapter and the ones before. It's consistant. Dark, mysterious, quirky. And the dialogues are amazing. I only wish you could describe the atmosphere a bit more, time to time. I find myself wanting to know how their world looks like. But that's just me. I have this obsession for scenery descriptions.
xxJH
I love the mood you've created with this chapter and the ones before. It's consistant. Dark, mysterious, quirky. And the dialogues are amazing. I only wish you could describe the atmosphere a bit more, time to time. I find myself wanting to know how their world looks like. But that's just me. I have this obsession for scenery descriptions.
xxJH
8/20/2009 c4 J.E.Wyatt
Beautiful, beautiful chapter! This story is becoming more and more fascinating. I can't imagine what'll happen next!
Update soon!
June
Beautiful, beautiful chapter! This story is becoming more and more fascinating. I can't imagine what'll happen next!
Update soon!
June
8/7/2009 c3 J.E.Wyatt
This was a great chapters. I'm so curious as to what she's going to the michael...! Everything was very well written, nicely descriptive. One thing I had a little problem with was the POV switch. The switch occured after the word "meanwhile..." and I had no idea who the narrator was. So, maybe you could indicate somehow who the narrator is, if you plan to do a lot of these switchings. I don't know. This is your story! Anyway, I really enjoyed this chapter and am at the edge of my seat wondering what will happen next.
This was a great chapters. I'm so curious as to what she's going to the michael...! Everything was very well written, nicely descriptive. One thing I had a little problem with was the POV switch. The switch occured after the word "meanwhile..." and I had no idea who the narrator was. So, maybe you could indicate somehow who the narrator is, if you plan to do a lot of these switchings. I don't know. This is your story! Anyway, I really enjoyed this chapter and am at the edge of my seat wondering what will happen next.
8/7/2009 c2 J.E.Wyatt
I love the title. There's something so-eerie about it. I don't know. Anyway, I have to say, I'm most intrigued by this story. This is one of my favorites among your other fictions. I like how you introduce the potential romance early on-this "fairly good-looking" guy is the hero, right? I hope so. I like him. The way you describe him is just so sexy!
I'd also like to say that I'm intrigued by this whole idea of yours, based on "feelings." It's a very fascinating premise. I can't imagine how you came up with this idea though!
Your two chapters were well written also. It flowed effortlessly. The pacing was nice. And you used an elegent variety of vocabs. I hope you'll be continuing this story. Can't wait to read some more.
Regards.
June
I love the title. There's something so-eerie about it. I don't know. Anyway, I have to say, I'm most intrigued by this story. This is one of my favorites among your other fictions. I like how you introduce the potential romance early on-this "fairly good-looking" guy is the hero, right? I hope so. I like him. The way you describe him is just so sexy!
I'd also like to say that I'm intrigued by this whole idea of yours, based on "feelings." It's a very fascinating premise. I can't imagine how you came up with this idea though!
Your two chapters were well written also. It flowed effortlessly. The pacing was nice. And you used an elegent variety of vocabs. I hope you'll be continuing this story. Can't wait to read some more.
Regards.
June
7/16/2009 c1 
1Grate Oracle Lewot
I quite like this so far. There were only very minimal grammatical errors, and few of them at that; anyway, it also makes me want to read more, so I hope you'll continue. You did a good job of showing what it would be like to experience everyday emotions and mundane physical sensations for the first time. It's classified as sci-fi, but the first chapter was basically composed of more realistic stuff, nevertheless, it kept me reading, so you must be doing something correctly, because if something is both realistic and badly written, I can't get past more than a few paragraphs.
1Grate Oracle LewotI quite like this so far. There were only very minimal grammatical errors, and few of them at that; anyway, it also makes me want to read more, so I hope you'll continue. You did a good job of showing what it would be like to experience everyday emotions and mundane physical sensations for the first time. It's classified as sci-fi, but the first chapter was basically composed of more realistic stuff, nevertheless, it kept me reading, so you must be doing something correctly, because if something is both realistic and badly written, I can't get past more than a few paragraphs.
7/15/2009 c1 4chel bel
Wow, this is really good so far! I've been looking for a good Sci-Fi story to read on here, and I think this just might be it. The first chapter was really interesting and it left me with a lot of questions. I can't wait to learn more about Dawn's past and who this stranger is. I couldn't really find anything to critique on either, so good job on that. I'll be adding this to my alerts so I hope you update soon! :)
4chel belWow, this is really good so far! I've been looking for a good Sci-Fi story to read on here, and I think this just might be it. The first chapter was really interesting and it left me with a lot of questions. I can't wait to learn more about Dawn's past and who this stranger is. I couldn't really find anything to critique on either, so good job on that. I'll be adding this to my alerts so I hope you update soon! :)