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8/19/2009 c5 12TorgoTheWhite
There is a nice nostalgic touch to this chapter and it is a pretty good break from the technology dominated world of near future.
8/15/2009 c8 549Jave Harron
Nice to have some description about the characters more. I did notice you called the character 'Virga' first time in chapter. You certainly seem to write with some knowledge about being a pilot and flight.
8/15/2009 c7 Jave Harron
Okay, seemed like a rather slow chapter, but I did notice an error: "I’d heard it from John on the way down." I presume you just left an h there. Looking forward to the pilot's story!
8/2/2009 c6 Jave Harron
That sounds like quite a fun game. Though wouldn't all astronauts need to do daily exercise to prevent physical degradation? And Jon is a former special forces operative, or does SEAL stand for something different?
8/1/2009 c5 Jave Harron
So, Han and friends were playing a game of water tag, despite being grown people? Could just be a habit of theirs, or is it some foreshadowing for tactics later? I did notice one minor thing: obelisque should be "obelisk."
7/30/2009 c2 12TorgoTheWhite
Ok. Some stylistic departure from chapter 1. I loved how you introduced the future with so much attention to details. The allusion to Zheng He (spoilers: am I sensing that colonization is going to be a failed effort?) There is one thing, however, that bothered me slightly. You seemed to want to cram a lot of technological details into one chapter and that detracted from the general plot and could make it hard for certain readers to follow the story. Other wise, the chapter was SUPERB!
7/29/2009 c4 549Jave Harron
A nice first person chapter, but never mention who's speaking. I guess it's Han or Jon?
7/28/2009 c1 12TorgoTheWhite
Wow. Finished chapter one and was astounded by the quality and attention to detail of this story. Great piece of hard sci-fi! The scene in chapter one of the main character's arrival on the space station reminded me of Dr. Flloyd's trip in 2001: A Space Odyssey. Keep updating, you've got me hooked!
7/27/2009 c2 549Jave Harron
Pretty interesting setting so far. The tech and political situation is fairly well developed, and I can see some good research was put into this. Keep it up!

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