for Jeremy7/30/2009 c1 
15Mom's Mistake
wow this is one of my favourites. not much else to say. great job. I do wonder, though, where do you get your inspiration?
15Mom's Mistakewow this is one of my favourites. not much else to say. great job. I do wonder, though, where do you get your inspiration?
7/29/2009 c1 28howdylv08
That was so screwed up! (In a good way for the author, but not for the character :D) That made me so sad :( I wish someone would have visited Amelia... :( I noticed a few things:
-"...as to ease whatever it was that obviously upsetting her." Change 'upsetting' to 'upset'
-"...look into her chocolate orbs that tears were still clung to." Remove the 'were'
-"Well it seems that somehow or another managed to break out of a window..." Put 'she' between 'another' and 'managed'
But the rest was amazing! I really like the way you develop stories and relationships and characters. You do an amazing job. Maybe instead of getting all these little (actually, quite large) reviews, I could Beta-Read for you? Just to catch the little mistakes early... Just a thought...
Fantastic!
Sophie :3
28howdylv08That was so screwed up! (In a good way for the author, but not for the character :D) That made me so sad :( I wish someone would have visited Amelia... :( I noticed a few things:
-"...as to ease whatever it was that obviously upsetting her." Change 'upsetting' to 'upset'
-"...look into her chocolate orbs that tears were still clung to." Remove the 'were'
-"Well it seems that somehow or another managed to break out of a window..." Put 'she' between 'another' and 'managed'
But the rest was amazing! I really like the way you develop stories and relationships and characters. You do an amazing job. Maybe instead of getting all these little (actually, quite large) reviews, I could Beta-Read for you? Just to catch the little mistakes early... Just a thought...
Fantastic!
Sophie :3
7/28/2009 c1 2MartinIsMyGoldfish
Wow! I really loved this and I wish that you would expand it into a full story! This makes for a very creepy and very cool ending, but it could also make for an awesome beginning to a story . . . where does Amelia go? What does Anthony do about it?
I noticed a few grammatical things (sorry, can't help it):
"You're own brother said that?" - should be "YOUR own brother said that?"
*Commas are used before quotation marks, not periods:
"I know." he whispered admitting defeat in her. "But, I can get you out of here." he then offered.
- "I know," he whispered, admitting defeat in her. "But I can get you out of here," he then offered."
Also a few spelling errors, nothing major.
I would really like to see more of this, it's such a great start!
2MartinIsMyGoldfishWow! I really loved this and I wish that you would expand it into a full story! This makes for a very creepy and very cool ending, but it could also make for an awesome beginning to a story . . . where does Amelia go? What does Anthony do about it?
I noticed a few grammatical things (sorry, can't help it):
"You're own brother said that?" - should be "YOUR own brother said that?"
*Commas are used before quotation marks, not periods:
"I know." he whispered admitting defeat in her. "But, I can get you out of here." he then offered.
- "I know," he whispered, admitting defeat in her. "But I can get you out of here," he then offered."
Also a few spelling errors, nothing major.
I would really like to see more of this, it's such a great start!
7/28/2009 c1 12Broken-Angel-1994
If this is the end, then you should write the beginning! So, she's crazy? I'd like to read more if you post some!
12Broken-Angel-1994If this is the end, then you should write the beginning! So, she's crazy? I'd like to read more if you post some!
7/25/2009 c1 1VampireAcademyDB
I agree! you should make this into a story.. it's really sad :"( n i'd like to know anthony and amelia more
1VampireAcademyDBI agree! you should make this into a story.. it's really sad :"( n i'd like to know anthony and amelia more
7/25/2009 c1 6The Parisian Guanaco
Oh my gosh, that's awful! How sad. =( I feel terrible for Amelia... It was a really good passage, though. If this is only the very end, you should write the whole thing! It would be really good, I'm sure.
6The Parisian GuanacoOh my gosh, that's awful! How sad. =( I feel terrible for Amelia... It was a really good passage, though. If this is only the very end, you should write the whole thing! It would be really good, I'm sure.