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for Typical Her

7/7/2013 c1 27indigo3mb3r
"Now you're the type of guy I should've fallen in love with,"
I KNOOOOOOOW. XD that is exactly how i feel about someone right now. the problem is, i just don't feel that way... it makes so much sense for him and me to be together but it's not like i can force myself to fall for him. :( ohgod i'm ranting. sorry. hahaha it's a great piece!
8/28/2012 c1 2AmericanBeauty-AmericanPsycho
It's very short. I think you could improve this by adding more. (I see now that you have an edited version.) When it's this short I feel like there's nothing to go on. And I'm slightly upset that I don't get to read on... :P
I do like the beginning line. It's solid and holds a lot of potential. It makes people want to read on. I like how simple it is too. Adding names to these people would have ruined the simplicity.

(This review was brought to you because you won the review marathon!)
8/12/2012 c2 76yWrite
I love how accurately this nameless character describes a typical person's confusion and anticipation when viewing mixed signs from a loved one or a crush. Intriguing, yet written in a way that most guys and girls can relate to. Or at least, I can!
9/1/2011 c2 madin456
i really like the edited version! there's a lot more description and you understand his feeling much better! a really inspiring one-shot!
3/27/2011 c1 3Cedrick Towe
Very intriguing! I guess it all depends on her expression when she spoke, right? Typical her! :) I read both chapters, and liked the first one slightly more. Sometimes, less detail gives us more freedom to fill-in-the-blanks. Well that's my preference anyways. But you're definitely on to something and have wonderful talent, won't you try another soon?
3/22/2011 c2 4Iva Hartnet
I'm in love with your writing now! :D

Brilliance! Love it! And it's all so simple. That's the best part :) Amazing work. Never stop writing!
2/20/2011 c1 70PoetryQueen
I really like this. It is short and sweet. My only critism is that the tone is mature until the last sentence, I would leave it at thousands instead of going on to billions. That makes it seem childish.

Other than that, this is really good!

Thanks for the reviews and keep writing!
11/29/2010 c2 Indigo Masquerade
I like both versions, but the extra details in the second version make it better overall, I think.

However, I liked the simplicity of the first one. But you've captured the emotion in both pieces very well. I think not giving them names was a good idea, it would have bogged down such a brief piece.

The edited version is like a poem. I'm not crazy about the last paragrph though, I think you could have left that out.
7/27/2010 c2 14Renana
This short really speaks but leaves us thinking. I like the edited one better because the details fill in the gaps though still keeping that simplistic beauty. My favourite line is

"He repeats them in his head, analyzing the tone of each syllable over and over and over again until he finally ascertains there was no flirtatiousness" :)

But I also like the idea of this too, it's clear and relatable.

4/28/2010 c1 donxcat
I am not good at reviewing poetry. Usually I either like it or not. This poem seems to have more of a clear "story" than most poems. I will try to review some more of your work.

you have talent. Don

ps I am 76, a retired math teacher, reading/reviewing at FP for 8 years.
3/9/2010 c2 56Luna Turner
I like both of your versions equally.

I like the first for it's impacting simplicity, but I like the second for the missing details you added in. It's somewhat of a favor contradiction, but you know.

It seems almost like a cliche scene, but I enjoyed it.

Yours truly,

Luna Turner
2/20/2010 c2 30sophiesix
Hi from the Review Marathon! (link in my profile)

I like different thing's about each chapter. The first one was succinct, to the point, paced well, nice flow. Personally I like shorter hooks. The second felt a little stagnant in comparison, though i appreciated some of the extra detail, like "Sometimes she’d think it was perfect, but small sip, she’d shake her head and walk over to the soda fountain without saying a word."

But, there's a mystery in the first line that, all though at first its intriguing and ointeresting, wanes the longer it doesn't get addressed. It creates tension, but the tension can't string out forever. If you don't want to solve the mystery yet, have someone else interrupt or something, so that there is something else, something fresh, to focus on for a bit?

but yeah the unrequited love aspect is always a rich seam to mine, i'm taken by this guys passion and her basically complete insouciance in return. :)
2/3/2010 c2 52godsandstars
The edited version is better, the details really add to the picture youve created. Great job(:
2/3/2010 c1 godsandstars
This is very nice, for as short as it is. The shorter something is, the more important each word is, at least in my opinion. I liked it. (:
12/19/2009 c1 8Adrenalin
I'm not a fan of the 'not meaning anything, just stating' thing. It has been used and abused; plus, it means nothing. People don't state this sort of things, I think, it's too... uh, embarassing, I guess?

But you managed to convey a lot of things in such a short piece, especially about the characters. I feel a lot of things has been said about each of them, when in fact, it hasn't really. A beautiful example of the 'show don't tell' rule, I think.

For the review marathon (link in my profile)
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