8/14/2009 c1 5R.D.Palmgren
I love the first paragraph! Strong start! Makes me want to keep going.

Each had sword of power rather invincible sword

the 3rd paragraph was random, you slow down the momentum. make the 3rd paragraph 2nd and reword it

I think you need to look at the order of the story. Slow down, take your time with the story.

Gray? I think u can come up with a better name. come up with a stronger name.

After the story, describe the surrounding bit more, I want to picture it more.

Overall, chapter one was done well.

Chapter 2 not so well, you seem to be in a hurry and dont know what to write. U need to tell me how she does fire, does she look and say a word or uses her hand and how does gray try to grow a plent? Slow down, writing takes time, have fun with it. It might take you 5 times to rewrite a chapter, its okay.