for Ravenwood8/15/2009 c5 painted eyes
Oh! This is good. Throwing in the small scene with the girl 'talking' to the raven was good. I can't wait to find out more!
~painted
Oh! This is good. Throwing in the small scene with the girl 'talking' to the raven was good. I can't wait to find out more!
~painted
8/13/2009 c1 
1Opalsongbird
This is a very good story, I couldn't get enough of it even when I finished the last chapter. You need to finish it! It has a few grammatical and spelling errors in it, but that's ok. Check your chapters and read them slowly so you catch all the errors. Just because you know what it's meant to say doesn't mean everyone else does. I like how you have two seperate stories going on, it adds a texture most authors don't have. Please finish the story, it's captivating. Your description and tid-bits are really good, the put a clear picture in my head.
Keep writing!
Waiting Writer
1OpalsongbirdThis is a very good story, I couldn't get enough of it even when I finished the last chapter. You need to finish it! It has a few grammatical and spelling errors in it, but that's ok. Check your chapters and read them slowly so you catch all the errors. Just because you know what it's meant to say doesn't mean everyone else does. I like how you have two seperate stories going on, it adds a texture most authors don't have. Please finish the story, it's captivating. Your description and tid-bits are really good, the put a clear picture in my head.
Keep writing!
Waiting Writer
8/13/2009 c5 2Jordan Baines
Another great chapter. Lots of birds here, too. The last section is intriguing and it's starting to form real suspense with the rest of the story. Please update soon.
2Jordan BainesAnother great chapter. Lots of birds here, too. The last section is intriguing and it's starting to form real suspense with the rest of the story. Please update soon.
8/11/2009 c1 4King of Kings
Great beginning. I like how you have set things up, with the family and the setting. It seems perfect, but there's a just noticeable sinister undertone to it all.
My interest is piqued. I'm eager to see how things transpire from here. ;)
4King of KingsGreat beginning. I like how you have set things up, with the family and the setting. It seems perfect, but there's a just noticeable sinister undertone to it all.
My interest is piqued. I'm eager to see how things transpire from here. ;)
8/9/2009 c4 painted eyes
Oh this is interesting, really get to learn more about how Serena thinks. Curious to find out who Ian is, and more so to find out about Rebecca!
~painted
Oh this is interesting, really get to learn more about how Serena thinks. Curious to find out who Ian is, and more so to find out about Rebecca!
~painted
8/7/2009 c4 Kimi492
Hi!
So, this was an interesting chapter. Its cool you've added a lighthouse to the story, which i've always thought of as kind of mysterious. as well as that shack, I wonder what's in there? I'm really intrigued about how the girls reacted when serena told them where she lives. I'm guessing it has something to do with rebecca, and maybe she's dead? ( the funeral talk?)but IDK. Anyways, I'm anxious to see where you're going to go with this. So, keep up the good work and please update soon!
-Kimi
Hi!
So, this was an interesting chapter. Its cool you've added a lighthouse to the story, which i've always thought of as kind of mysterious. as well as that shack, I wonder what's in there? I'm really intrigued about how the girls reacted when serena told them where she lives. I'm guessing it has something to do with rebecca, and maybe she's dead? ( the funeral talk?)but IDK. Anyways, I'm anxious to see where you're going to go with this. So, keep up the good work and please update soon!
-Kimi
8/7/2009 c4 1xenolith
Interesting chapter. I enjoyed your description of the lighthouse, it was lovely. And I liked: "Let's not go feral in the hallway," haha I think Wesley is probably my favourite character. I think the way you write your dialouge is fantastic, its very easy to follow and you mix it up with a lot of detail, which is great. I look forward to your next update and am very much enjoying reading this.
1xenolithInteresting chapter. I enjoyed your description of the lighthouse, it was lovely. And I liked: "Let's not go feral in the hallway," haha I think Wesley is probably my favourite character. I think the way you write your dialouge is fantastic, its very easy to follow and you mix it up with a lot of detail, which is great. I look forward to your next update and am very much enjoying reading this.
8/6/2009 c3 painted eyes
This is interesting, and very easy to read. I'm curious as to what all the flashbacks or 'italic moments' are. I will keep reading on, definetly.
Urm, nothing really to criticise, but a few typos, like missing out letters, and I think at one point a word. But all is well really apart from that.
*Goes off to read the rest*
~painted
This is interesting, and very easy to read. I'm curious as to what all the flashbacks or 'italic moments' are. I will keep reading on, definetly.
Urm, nothing really to criticise, but a few typos, like missing out letters, and I think at one point a word. But all is well really apart from that.
*Goes off to read the rest*
~painted
8/6/2009 c4 sunsetting
the dialogue is interesting (even though they talk kinda weirdly) but it reveals quite a bit about the characters imo, which is always a good thing :) like the thing with emily. &serena's first uh input into the conversation was so awkward, but that's ohk - i'm guessing that was intentional? and anabel has past! ooh that sounds ominous. well i'm going to assume rebecca's dead because of all the funeral talk before &anabel is obvs convicted of something that's related. am i right ;) but anyways. characters again. serena's that typical careful, good girl. she's very (overtly) mature about things &it seems like she only wants to do things that are right.. well, based on thoughts &body language &dialogue, at least. but i think i'm right. but does she like them? "crazy Emily" &"goofball Sarah".. huh.
character sketch aside, i love that bit with the lighthouse. it's going to have significance later too, i bet. personally i never really liked lighthouses, all those winding stairs &such. but good for serena, i guess. or, well, bad for her. i bet something's going to happen there. and is carving supposed to be significant? haha i'm like psychoanalyzing like a loser, but dang i always thought carving was hard. i'm more of a 2d media kind of artist. &zodiac animals, too. huh. that's interesting.
your writing is very solid &the style/etc doesn't deviate. which is good. i wish i could learn that from you :x i'm thinking about the flashbacks from previous chapters.. oh man i want to see how this all links together as you get deeper into the story :)
the dialogue is interesting (even though they talk kinda weirdly) but it reveals quite a bit about the characters imo, which is always a good thing :) like the thing with emily. &serena's first uh input into the conversation was so awkward, but that's ohk - i'm guessing that was intentional? and anabel has past! ooh that sounds ominous. well i'm going to assume rebecca's dead because of all the funeral talk before &anabel is obvs convicted of something that's related. am i right ;) but anyways. characters again. serena's that typical careful, good girl. she's very (overtly) mature about things &it seems like she only wants to do things that are right.. well, based on thoughts &body language &dialogue, at least. but i think i'm right. but does she like them? "crazy Emily" &"goofball Sarah".. huh.
character sketch aside, i love that bit with the lighthouse. it's going to have significance later too, i bet. personally i never really liked lighthouses, all those winding stairs &such. but good for serena, i guess. or, well, bad for her. i bet something's going to happen there. and is carving supposed to be significant? haha i'm like psychoanalyzing like a loser, but dang i always thought carving was hard. i'm more of a 2d media kind of artist. &zodiac animals, too. huh. that's interesting.
your writing is very solid &the style/etc doesn't deviate. which is good. i wish i could learn that from you :x i'm thinking about the flashbacks from previous chapters.. oh man i want to see how this all links together as you get deeper into the story :)
8/6/2009 c4 2Becca88
The chitchat at the lunch table was funny, but the conversation Serena overheard in the hall at her locker was weird. Where does this new Rebecca fit in? Was Wesley really at detention or somewhere else? Update soon please, please!
2Becca88The chitchat at the lunch table was funny, but the conversation Serena overheard in the hall at her locker was weird. Where does this new Rebecca fit in? Was Wesley really at detention or somewhere else? Update soon please, please!
8/6/2009 c4 2Jordan Baines
I like the lighthouse already, as it adds mystery by just being there, especially since her parents didn't mention it. Hmm. Seems like her new friends have a sense of humor, but what was up with that exchange in the hall? Who's Rebecca?
Cute how Serena's nice to her little sister and not all touchy about letting Laura play with the miniatures she's carved.
Good chapter.
2Jordan BainesI like the lighthouse already, as it adds mystery by just being there, especially since her parents didn't mention it. Hmm. Seems like her new friends have a sense of humor, but what was up with that exchange in the hall? Who's Rebecca?
Cute how Serena's nice to her little sister and not all touchy about letting Laura play with the miniatures she's carved.
Good chapter.
8/5/2009 c1 2anabsenceofcreativity
This was good. It seems like the perfect 'everything is good' set-up with little indications like 'It kind of felt too good to be true' giving an ominous tone to it all. Your writing style is great, well-paced; a nice blend of dialogue, description and characterisation. I like the family dynamic they have what with the youngest, the younger and the not-so-young - you convey it very well.
Little mistakes I noticed:
"branches from trees on either side of the nearly touched each other" missing 'road'?
"I still stood by the care" car?
Anyways, keep up the good work.
~ aoc
2anabsenceofcreativityThis was good. It seems like the perfect 'everything is good' set-up with little indications like 'It kind of felt too good to be true' giving an ominous tone to it all. Your writing style is great, well-paced; a nice blend of dialogue, description and characterisation. I like the family dynamic they have what with the youngest, the younger and the not-so-young - you convey it very well.
Little mistakes I noticed:
"branches from trees on either side of the nearly touched each other" missing 'road'?
"I still stood by the care" car?
Anyways, keep up the good work.
~ aoc
8/5/2009 c2 China Sorrows
Heh, I'm sorry, I had no intention of making you nervous and I'm positive you won't fall short of any expectations anyone has, I think you could write about a pink polar bear that walks on it's hind legs and smokes a pipe, and it would still be a good read because your writing style is great :)
Just keep writing!
CS x
Heh, I'm sorry, I had no intention of making you nervous and I'm positive you won't fall short of any expectations anyone has, I think you could write about a pink polar bear that walks on it's hind legs and smokes a pipe, and it would still be a good read because your writing style is great :)
Just keep writing!
CS x
8/4/2009 c1 97rust phoenix
Hello, thank you for the reviews! I am really glad you enjoyed my writing. :)
I like your writing style. It's very fun to read, with the descriptions and character interactions so well done. You also have excellent grammar, which always helps. I was curious as to how old the characters were. I got the impression that the narrator was the oldest, then Jaymie, then Laura. Ravenwood sounds like a beautiful town. I like how you showed how different it is than what the characters are used to. I'm not sure how the quarter system works for schools, but that's not a problem with the story, it's just me being from Canada where we use a different system. It's not really an important detail, but I was just curious as to how it worked.
Your characters are very likable. The sibling interactions were cute. I have added you to author alerts. Keep writing and have a great day!
97rust phoenixHello, thank you for the reviews! I am really glad you enjoyed my writing. :)
I like your writing style. It's very fun to read, with the descriptions and character interactions so well done. You also have excellent grammar, which always helps. I was curious as to how old the characters were. I got the impression that the narrator was the oldest, then Jaymie, then Laura. Ravenwood sounds like a beautiful town. I like how you showed how different it is than what the characters are used to. I'm not sure how the quarter system works for schools, but that's not a problem with the story, it's just me being from Canada where we use a different system. It's not really an important detail, but I was just curious as to how it worked.
Your characters are very likable. The sibling interactions were cute. I have added you to author alerts. Keep writing and have a great day!