for Ravenwood8/3/2009 c1 China Sorrows
Thank you!
This is utterly refreshing in a genre that is stuffed with cookie cutter romances where everything is exaggerated - sort of "OMG I broke a fingernail! WA!"
I like the pace of your writing, this is the only story I've read on here so far that feels like it's really going somewhere. The character development is brilliant - I love the relationships between the sisters and Serena's acknowledgment of the gradual awareness of her younger siblings. I can sympathise with the difficulty of her situation, having to pretend that everything is OK. The most wonderful thing about her though, is that she doesn't complain. She's very likeable, and not BLAND. I can see that she has a great deal of potential as a character.
I've just got to thank you again for giving me a little hope that this website is worthwhile, and I'm definitely in for the long run :)
Can't wait for the update (oh jeez, that rhymes..).
Thank you!
This is utterly refreshing in a genre that is stuffed with cookie cutter romances where everything is exaggerated - sort of "OMG I broke a fingernail! WA!"
I like the pace of your writing, this is the only story I've read on here so far that feels like it's really going somewhere. The character development is brilliant - I love the relationships between the sisters and Serena's acknowledgment of the gradual awareness of her younger siblings. I can sympathise with the difficulty of her situation, having to pretend that everything is OK. The most wonderful thing about her though, is that she doesn't complain. She's very likeable, and not BLAND. I can see that she has a great deal of potential as a character.
I've just got to thank you again for giving me a little hope that this website is worthwhile, and I'm definitely in for the long run :)
Can't wait for the update (oh jeez, that rhymes..).
8/3/2009 c3 
1xenolith
Awesome. I loved the part at the end, your flashback scenes are just too intriguing! I'm starting to really appreciate your pace, and the flow of this story. You're doing an excellent job, keep it up!
1xenolithAwesome. I loved the part at the end, your flashback scenes are just too intriguing! I'm starting to really appreciate your pace, and the flow of this story. You're doing an excellent job, keep it up!
8/3/2009 c3 Kimi492
Hi!
I liked this chapter, more development on characters is always nice. The flashback scenes are interesting to me alot, especially since I'm interested on how they'll tie in with the couple of the story. ( don't quote me on this) because i may be completely off, but i'm pretty sure the guy by the bike stand is the child that played with her as a kid. I didn't really guess this because he was singled out, ( although in a lot of romance stories a character who we're not sure of is the one who is given a special or seperate scene w/ the main character) but because both characters have a tendency to put their hands in their pockets. Random? ^_^ maybe, but its a hunch. Anyway, good job with the chapter. I just wish they could be a bit longer. Please update soon!
-Kimi
Hi!
I liked this chapter, more development on characters is always nice. The flashback scenes are interesting to me alot, especially since I'm interested on how they'll tie in with the couple of the story. ( don't quote me on this) because i may be completely off, but i'm pretty sure the guy by the bike stand is the child that played with her as a kid. I didn't really guess this because he was singled out, ( although in a lot of romance stories a character who we're not sure of is the one who is given a special or seperate scene w/ the main character) but because both characters have a tendency to put their hands in their pockets. Random? ^_^ maybe, but its a hunch. Anyway, good job with the chapter. I just wish they could be a bit longer. Please update soon!
-Kimi
8/3/2009 c3 2Becca88
I like the idea of secret passages. I'm curious how the younger couple relates to the rest of the story. Next chapter soon?
2Becca88I like the idea of secret passages. I'm curious how the younger couple relates to the rest of the story. Next chapter soon?
8/3/2009 c3 2Jordan Baines
Good chapter. It looks like Serena is making friends, and these new lunchmates seem like they've got some interesting dynamics going. I'm still not too sure about some of the appearances of a few characters, so I'll be looking for some detail. Thanks for updating. :)
2Jordan BainesGood chapter. It looks like Serena is making friends, and these new lunchmates seem like they've got some interesting dynamics going. I'm still not too sure about some of the appearances of a few characters, so I'll be looking for some detail. Thanks for updating. :)
8/1/2009 c2 17pinkfairyfloss
this is a great start to the story. i particularly liked the flashback part at the end of the 2nd chapter; im intrigued to read where this goes. you have a great writing style and please update soon :)
17pinkfairyflossthis is a great start to the story. i particularly liked the flashback part at the end of the 2nd chapter; im intrigued to read where this goes. you have a great writing style and please update soon :)
8/1/2009 c2 Kimi492
Hello!
I just read both chapters and think your pace, unlike a few others, is fine. I can see your building up the story itself and to be honest, me personally, I hate when the action of the story is already moving in the 1st few chapters. I like it to gradually build. Anyways, i'm liking where this is going so far, so keep up the good work! Please update son.
-kimi
Hello!
I just read both chapters and think your pace, unlike a few others, is fine. I can see your building up the story itself and to be honest, me personally, I hate when the action of the story is already moving in the 1st few chapters. I like it to gradually build. Anyways, i'm liking where this is going so far, so keep up the good work! Please update son.
-kimi
7/30/2009 c2 2Becca88
Not much interaction with dear ol' Dad here. I see problems or the hangover of problems. I like the interaction with the sisters, not all sibling rivalry on 'roids.
The last part was cute between the boy and girl, and leaves me wondering a whole new set of questions.
I like your writing style, especially since it isn't how every single instance is about the main character and how she feels about it and how she thinks it should be. It almost seems like something has happened or she's seen something that makes her take a longer look at things before she overreacts. Good flow to the story, not a bunch of cheap omg moments to move it along, but real story-telling.
Good stuff. Update soon. :)
2Becca88Not much interaction with dear ol' Dad here. I see problems or the hangover of problems. I like the interaction with the sisters, not all sibling rivalry on 'roids.
The last part was cute between the boy and girl, and leaves me wondering a whole new set of questions.
I like your writing style, especially since it isn't how every single instance is about the main character and how she feels about it and how she thinks it should be. It almost seems like something has happened or she's seen something that makes her take a longer look at things before she overreacts. Good flow to the story, not a bunch of cheap omg moments to move it along, but real story-telling.
Good stuff. Update soon. :)
7/30/2009 c2 1xenolith
Yay! The anticipation paid off, well done! That little tidbit at the end was more than enough to keep me interested. And again, your writing was excellent XD
1xenolithYay! The anticipation paid off, well done! That little tidbit at the end was more than enough to keep me interested. And again, your writing was excellent XD
7/30/2009 c2 2Jordan Baines
I really like the detail in this chapter, and the use of birds means ... something? Not much Dad around. Hmm. I espcially like the phrase about the pasta dishes. "Not my mom. But someone's mom, for sure." Great comment! We got a good look at a small town without it being all so-small-it-sucked. Good writing. Looking forward to more soon!
2Jordan BainesI really like the detail in this chapter, and the use of birds means ... something? Not much Dad around. Hmm. I espcially like the phrase about the pasta dishes. "Not my mom. But someone's mom, for sure." Great comment! We got a good look at a small town without it being all so-small-it-sucked. Good writing. Looking forward to more soon!
7/30/2009 c2 Ghost Reader
I have been a Ghost Reader on Fictionpress for five years. So when I actually review something; it means a lot. This story is ONE of the most well-written in this genre. Doesn't bore me, neither does it make me roll my eyes, or be ashamed that I am actually still reading this crap. I enjoyed that all the minor characters had something about them. Whether it was a emotional pre-teen or a Dad making empty promises. You weren't afraid to go there and make characters unlikeable (which made me like them). Like one of the reviewers above though (I can't remeber the name) said- I was still waiting for something to happen. I wasn't bored but I wanted something very small but somewhat omnious for her to notice but I get it, you're not trying to rush it and I can respect that. I'm curious about the summary and I am much more curious about "him" that was mentioned in said summary. Don't be discouraged on the lack of reviews because after five years on this site I've learned very quickly that just because a bunch of pre-teens review a story doesn't mean it's particulary good, sometimes they are but not all the time. . . Stay Positive . . .
Signed the Ghost Reader
I have been a Ghost Reader on Fictionpress for five years. So when I actually review something; it means a lot. This story is ONE of the most well-written in this genre. Doesn't bore me, neither does it make me roll my eyes, or be ashamed that I am actually still reading this crap. I enjoyed that all the minor characters had something about them. Whether it was a emotional pre-teen or a Dad making empty promises. You weren't afraid to go there and make characters unlikeable (which made me like them). Like one of the reviewers above though (I can't remeber the name) said- I was still waiting for something to happen. I wasn't bored but I wanted something very small but somewhat omnious for her to notice but I get it, you're not trying to rush it and I can respect that. I'm curious about the summary and I am much more curious about "him" that was mentioned in said summary. Don't be discouraged on the lack of reviews because after five years on this site I've learned very quickly that just because a bunch of pre-teens review a story doesn't mean it's particulary good, sometimes they are but not all the time. . . Stay Positive . . .
Signed the Ghost Reader
7/30/2009 c2 sunsetting
so you have a promising start to it, but it's kind of... bland? i guess. (i'm just talking about ch1 here) i'm going to assume that something's going to build up, though, considering the little raven flashback at the end &your summary so... all to you. oh, and yeah. the seashore/raven flashback was rather nice. i have some guesses, but i'll save it for another chapter haha so i don't feel like a complete idiot haha.
&the main character (ugh i'm really hoping you didn't mention what her name was, because i def didn't catch it) seems to be rather.. mature? bitter? ...well, aware, if anything. it adds perspective. &i liked how you subtly fleshed out the other characters too- jaymie, especially. it makes it more realistic... which is always a good thing.
this is a promising start &the new town concept offers so much potential, so... i guess it's up to the next few chapters ;)
so you have a promising start to it, but it's kind of... bland? i guess. (i'm just talking about ch1 here) i'm going to assume that something's going to build up, though, considering the little raven flashback at the end &your summary so... all to you. oh, and yeah. the seashore/raven flashback was rather nice. i have some guesses, but i'll save it for another chapter haha so i don't feel like a complete idiot haha.
&the main character (ugh i'm really hoping you didn't mention what her name was, because i def didn't catch it) seems to be rather.. mature? bitter? ...well, aware, if anything. it adds perspective. &i liked how you subtly fleshed out the other characters too- jaymie, especially. it makes it more realistic... which is always a good thing.
this is a promising start &the new town concept offers so much potential, so... i guess it's up to the next few chapters ;)