for Ravenwood7/29/2009 c1 
1xenolith
I agree with your other reviewer in that, by the end it was a little disapointing that nothing had happened. I mean your summary is so great but by the time I was half way through I had forgotten what this was supposed to be about.
That said, I think your style of writing and your character development (well so far) is superb. The voice of your narrator is kindof, dare I say, a little bland, but that could be because of the move, or just who she is. I don't think it's a bad thing.
Anyway, I like this. I'll be interested to see what it actually is about and what happens next XD
1xenolithI agree with your other reviewer in that, by the end it was a little disapointing that nothing had happened. I mean your summary is so great but by the time I was half way through I had forgotten what this was supposed to be about.
That said, I think your style of writing and your character development (well so far) is superb. The voice of your narrator is kindof, dare I say, a little bland, but that could be because of the move, or just who she is. I don't think it's a bad thing.
Anyway, I like this. I'll be interested to see what it actually is about and what happens next XD
7/29/2009 c1 4A. J. Manders
I like this. I think you have a nice start to a story here. The characters seem real and believable enough, and you described the house as if it has pontential of being its own character as well. Non-alive characters always make interesting ones. :)
I do have a breif suggestion though, and although I feel bad for saying it, I think it might help bring your story along. There needs to be more action of some sort, I believe. It was good reading the beginning and seeing what was happening to the characters and finding out a little bit more about them, but by the end, I was waiting for something important to happen- like a ghost to jump out from one of the rooms- for Serena to discover that the beach ISN'T really there- that perhaps Ravenwood is more unique than they once thought.
Sometimes, the less description in the first chapter, the more interesting the story becomes because you have all these questions to answer in the continuing chapters. Just food for thought. Might help the story go along a little easier and grab your readers interest. ^^
4A. J. MandersI like this. I think you have a nice start to a story here. The characters seem real and believable enough, and you described the house as if it has pontential of being its own character as well. Non-alive characters always make interesting ones. :)
I do have a breif suggestion though, and although I feel bad for saying it, I think it might help bring your story along. There needs to be more action of some sort, I believe. It was good reading the beginning and seeing what was happening to the characters and finding out a little bit more about them, but by the end, I was waiting for something important to happen- like a ghost to jump out from one of the rooms- for Serena to discover that the beach ISN'T really there- that perhaps Ravenwood is more unique than they once thought.
Sometimes, the less description in the first chapter, the more interesting the story becomes because you have all these questions to answer in the continuing chapters. Just food for thought. Might help the story go along a little easier and grab your readers interest. ^^
7/29/2009 c1 Chancel Jordan
Interesting start. I wonder what they're running away from, and what they'll find here. Please update soon!
Interesting start. I wonder what they're running away from, and what they'll find here. Please update soon!