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8/12/2009 c1 1silent-anthem
it looks like you have a pretty good story going on here and yes i did detect some similarities in your story to Silent Hill but no big. if you don't mind there are some suggestions that may help you.

1) don't worry if the chapter is too long or not, you want to have all the same information on the same page. This chapter you called Trepidation so if you create a chapter that contains all the storytelling about this chapter put it all in one chapter and not in two.

2) i did detect some minor mistakes in your story like: Things changed so much after his unexpected departure- you put a period when it would be a coma. Just minor little things like that.

3)last one i promise: proofread it. It is good to proofread your work so you know where your mistakes are and also you can add or take out anything that you wish.

if you have read all this i hope this was helpful for you in your future chapters or stories. i really didn't mean anything against you and good story

silent-anthem
7/30/2009 c2 12xXxilovesquirtxXx
yeah I understand the 'novice' thing I am too I like it keep it up.

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