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for Within Flippant Epiphany

8/10/2009 c1 Isca
"Some souls are born of summer. Flippancy engraved into their limbs." These opening lines are very striking and lush. Your use of the word 'flippancy' connects nicely to the idea that romance is often at its most frivolous stage during the summer holidays.

I also like the fact that the vivid colour imagery in this poem (e.g. "cornflower blue" and "ivory home") helps to heighten the theme of wanton sexuality.

"My skin blooms." Excellent. I love it when a writer connects life/death to spring/growth.

"And our nature reflected the mysteries of our hearts when the world was still unknown." There's something very beautiful and ethereal about this line - as if the speaker remembers the time before vices existed, where all that dwelled inside of humans was virtue and sublimeness.

"Latticed glass." Nice word choice.

"As long as Death holds its jurisdiction over man, fantasy reigns eternal." This is a very powerful way in which to end the poem. The personification of Death here makes the message of the poem relatable to everyone. I think it's interesting that the speaker connotes that 'eternal fantasy' is a negative thing - this leads me to believe that the speaker of this poem is a realist.

Good luck in the WCC this month. Keep up the great work. :)
8/6/2009 c1 1k+Faithless Juliet
[Hey, long time no post… ]As you state in the beginning there is a bit of flippancy throughout this. In a good way of course, I think you were molding the themes of things that are serious, with things that are perhaps a little not so serious - the first stanza you compared floating out of windows, with corn flower blue - almost as if the narrator were in some strange purple-haze moment of having danger stare them in the face, but rather then being scared they notice the exact shade of the sky. It’s a strong comparison, and a lot of strong imagines entailing.

The middle section was a little ramble, I kind of lost track of where you were going with it, and “Science is a thief in that/That all possibilities” the use of the two THAT’s felt a little shaky to me, I think just one would make it sound better.

The ending was very well done, you bring about the ideas formally presented in the beginning, and I especially loved your closing. You’re also going back to your fertility/women & child imagery, that I’ve been seeing so much of from you lately. Are you with child, young lady? Either way, a nice piece, and a worthy contender for this months WCC. Keep up the good work.

Much love,


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