for Clementine12/20/2011 c1 Jessie
Sooooo beautiful!
Sooooo beautiful!
8/10/2009 c1 Isca
"She’s got smiles for Daddy and a little soft hand for me." There's something so profoundly endearing about this line - it's such a sweet moment.
"All my days grown sunshine flowers." I liked the way in which you phrased this line - its simplicity and uniqueness make the connection between time and the sun that much more vivid and apparent.
"Playing hide and seek in the stairways." Stunning imagery. Wow. The subtle sense of 'danger' here (i.e. playing on the stairs) ties well into the theme of childhood - the reader is reminded that 'growing up' is often a lot more painful than we thought it would be when we were young and naive.
I liked the fantastical and mythological allusions that you included in the third stanza (i.e. "Fay" and "Lithe"). Both of these references added depth to the light-hearted imagery.
I also really liked the 'chamomile nights' part and the entire 'you are the one' stanza - these sections were truly vibrant and moving.
"She’s got smiles for Daddy and a little soft hand for me." There's something so profoundly endearing about this line - it's such a sweet moment.
"All my days grown sunshine flowers." I liked the way in which you phrased this line - its simplicity and uniqueness make the connection between time and the sun that much more vivid and apparent.
"Playing hide and seek in the stairways." Stunning imagery. Wow. The subtle sense of 'danger' here (i.e. playing on the stairs) ties well into the theme of childhood - the reader is reminded that 'growing up' is often a lot more painful than we thought it would be when we were young and naive.
I liked the fantastical and mythological allusions that you included in the third stanza (i.e. "Fay" and "Lithe"). Both of these references added depth to the light-hearted imagery.
I also really liked the 'chamomile nights' part and the entire 'you are the one' stanza - these sections were truly vibrant and moving.
8/6/2009 c1 
1k+Faithless Juliet
There’s a lot of personality in this piece, and it has a completely different voice then the previous one that I read, and I believe that’s because of the personal nature of the subject.
Having said that, it kind makes it hard to review, because that’s like saying, well that moment in your life could have been a little better; you know what I mean.
I enjoyed the imagery of the stairs and the rooms, in one of the stanzas. For some reason, that one detail stood out the most for me.
The few verses about circling the tree, and the fathers arms was a little cookie-cutter (not really a bad thing, maybe just the themes are not to my taste pallet) It’s obvious that you and your family are close, and it’s hard for me to say what, if any of this is romanticism, or real life….
I don’t know what I’m trying to say, I enjoyed the piece, I think it has your usual flare for construction, and imagery. Good job, pay no attention to me, Keep up the good work.
Much love,
Juliet.
1k+Faithless JulietThere’s a lot of personality in this piece, and it has a completely different voice then the previous one that I read, and I believe that’s because of the personal nature of the subject.
Having said that, it kind makes it hard to review, because that’s like saying, well that moment in your life could have been a little better; you know what I mean.
I enjoyed the imagery of the stairs and the rooms, in one of the stanzas. For some reason, that one detail stood out the most for me.
The few verses about circling the tree, and the fathers arms was a little cookie-cutter (not really a bad thing, maybe just the themes are not to my taste pallet) It’s obvious that you and your family are close, and it’s hard for me to say what, if any of this is romanticism, or real life….
I don’t know what I’m trying to say, I enjoyed the piece, I think it has your usual flare for construction, and imagery. Good job, pay no attention to me, Keep up the good work.
Much love,
Juliet.