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for Remake: To my Disappointment

8/17/2009 c1 45deefective
Ahh, well, from what I understand you re-wrote this because the first one was full of mistakes and what-not. No offense, but this one is full of them too. Right from the beginning I could tell that this was going to be full of serious grammar/spelling problems. And it wasn't little ones that you could just ignore and read on. You had mistakes in here that made some parts of this story make no sense at all and I had to re-read a lot of sentences. Also, I didn't like the dialogue in this. It felt very vague and kind of useless sometimes. In this piece you had very little dialogue compared to the amount of narration so naturally the dialogue should hold some kind of meaning but I felt that you just put it in there for the hell of it.

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