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8/9/2010 c1 2shutterbaby
jasmine62 sent me a message yesterday regarding one of my reviews on this story that concerned me considerably. She seemed to think that I was out to "trash" this story and make sure that you'd "never try again."

On the contrary, writing a flame review was far from my intentions; I apologize if, like her, you thought I was mindlessly attacking your story due to hate or boredom or whatever. My review was critical because I see room for genuine improvement in this story, and to me, the only real way to improve is by taking a long, hard look at what you've got. At any rate, I knew it was already complete, and I was simply pointing out stylistic things that I thought could be reworked should you consider a rewrite... I hope that I haven't offended you. The world just isn't divided into heartless bitches and people who like your writing.
8/9/2010 c20 2chapsticklips
Awe, poor Denny.. I feel so so so bad for him, I'm almost crying I feel sorry for him (or maybe it's just cause he's a fellow Aussie) I like that you didn't villainise him (at least at this stage) and didn't twist it to make it look like he is the bad guy. As much as I want Kellan and Kiera to become a fully-fledged couple I can't help but feel sad at what she is losing and how he's in the dark about all this betrayal. I found it kinda selfish of Kiera a few chapters back when she picked a fight with Denny about wanting to sleep with those two girls at the party, as she herself had already fucked Kellan twice. But hopefully this will be a learning curve for her, that she can grow from... Or something to that effect. Anyway I've been Reading this all day and it's so bloody addictive!
8/8/2010 c9 chapsticklips
Whoops, I've been trying to be a good girl and review each chapter but I keep getting sucked imto the storyline and I press next before I know it. I can't help but feel sorry for Denny, he really is a nice guy and I can't help but think he's going to get hurt badly in the process, and Kellan well of course I love him, and I find it quite fitting that they should have sex for a second time on the floor of an espresso cart considering Their shared love of coffee. Kellan seems quite broken at the moment, I hope he doesn't leave but if he does I hope it's not for long.
8/8/2010 c27 momo3069
Hey!

CanĀ“t say much! Just that I love this story! The storyline is so good! Great writing skils! Loved every second!
8/8/2010 c7 chapsticklips
I know, Ive been that blasted silent reader for the past few chapters, so I fiured I'd make it up to you now :)

poor Kellan, he looks like he had a rough night poor fella, I have a feeling that the reason he got off his face may have had something to do with her, doncha think? As much as I'm rooting for Kellan I still think Denny is quite sweet, I'm glad he came back.

I have to say that I think the love scene was a bit repetitive, I got the notion that you wanted it to be that way but at times it felt a little bit of an overkill with the repetition of 'his'. I appreciate it in the line 'his neck, his chest, his abdomen' etc but I think if you ended it with that it would have been powerful and conveyed the feeling that she was so consumed and had an almost added dimension to her mental state of being drunk off of him because of what his body was doing to her, rather than it being repeated throughout the paragraphs which made it hard to read as it made me want to find a thesaurus just so I could have some variables to add to the paragraphs.

However, I am enjoyed the story so far, I like that it's slow moving alot of the time and that you coveyed their tentative relationship really well. I cant wait to read more.
8/7/2010 c27 2SmilingSarcasm
I would like to let you know that only two stories have ever made me cry. Yours was number two. Anyway it was a great story!
8/7/2010 c27 jasmine62
I read your story at feedbooks and just wanted to tell you how great this story is. I'm not usually into love triangles but this one really got to me. keep up the great work! O and I read Collision too and it was so sad. I haven't cried like that in ages. Powerful stuff. You really need to get published!
8/7/2010 c10 2shutterbaby
As a retired SKoW judge, I would be the first to vouch for the quality of SKoW nominees. Yet when I was reading through the Best Het noms, this story UNDERWHELMED me astonishingly. I can't read any further than this chapter. I don't like fiction reading that I have to force myself to pay attention to.

Good fiction authors live by the mantra "show don't tell." This story goes more along the lines of "tell and never ever show."

If you are going to do a rewrite, I sincerely hope to see a more precise and vivid use of language. (Hint: last I heard, the generally accepted ratio of dialogue to description is about one line of dialogue out of every three lines.)
8/6/2010 c26 music to live for
honest to god, if you edit this or get someone to do a teensy weensy bit of editing; you could get this published. It has so much raw emotion in it, it overwhelmed me so much. It honest to god made me cry!
8/3/2010 c26 Sunsharmony
*kisses ur feet* :D u r the most specatacularly amazing writer in the history of forever im downloading it and keeping it forever :D even tho she was slow and stuff il probly only read the kellan parts but watevers ;)) okies goodnighty night :D dream of more amazing stories tht i will bawl over in the future ;DD please? :D
8/3/2010 c24 Sunsharmony
WHAT? WHY THE HECK DOES SHE NEED TO MOVE OUT? WHY M UST U RIP OUT MY HEART SO MANY TIMES T_T (please note ive only read half way thru the chapter :) ) BUT SERIOUSLY CMON! UGH U KEEP DONG THIS TO ME! D":
8/3/2010 c22 Sunsharmony
yes yes yes! :D FINALLY! geez i was waiting FOREVER for tht to happen im sorry but ur character is very slow . but i stil love it! :D
8/3/2010 c19 Sunsharmony
FINALLY :D thank u thank u thanku :D **kisses thous feet ;) **
8/2/2010 c17 Sunsharmony
no WTTH i was just thinking things would be ok! why must u rip out my heart T_T
8/2/2010 c16 Sunsharmony
no u were so close dont make her leave!
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