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2/5/2016 c1 DreamPrisoner
DARN IT! This story is so brilliant. Why did it have to end so soon, not been updated till 2010? Such a pity, It's so unbelievably well written, PLEASE, continue it?
7/24/2012 c1 marshak
Eli sounds like Such a Worther's candy, you know, with the hard outer shell and a creamy-melty inside...and you just wanna fix him so he'll be yours forever, like that one stray dog who loved you forever since that one time you fed him.
Yeah, but as hot as he is, my favorite part was after Audrey gets done being...uuum...harrassed by Eli for the BnE on his locker and Robby asks what she found and she told him "Nothing of much use, no. Although he does collect shit." "What kind of shit?" "The normal kind. Brown and smelly."
2/29/2012 c1 2aimlessmuse
It's disappointing that you no longer post at FP, although it is understandable. Nonetheless, this is clearly very well-written. Vitelli is evidently shaping up to be a layered character, although the dog poop part was a bit off-putting.

In any case, it would be awesome if you were ever to return or to update your stories here or on another publicly available site!
2/25/2012 c1 Grace
I've been patient. I really have. BUT I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! It's been nearly 2 years and i think im about to burst from pent up anticipation. You have a way of writing which makes me think "Fuck yes, this is hilarious!". Please continueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
11/26/2011 c1 1moon01234
Interesting. Look forward to reading more.
11/6/2011 c1 wannabeanelvengirl
It looks like I'm a bit late to the ballgame, but I just found this story today. And though It's only a single chapter, I found that it was great! It was funny in a good way, and even though you warned that there would be crude language, I found nothing to offend me. In fact, I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter, should that ever come along.

I really like the way that you chose to write your paragraphs. I find that the physical spacing on the page really contributes well to the way I read your story, even though it's a technique I usually dislike!

All in all, great work! Can't wait to read more.
10/1/2011 c1 1DofD
Oh my gosh. PLEASE UPDATE!
9/17/2011 c1 4Shannyn
Hey, I think you have a great beginning. Haha your characters shinneee. I don't think I've read something so remnicent of typical high school stories but with a maturity that comes from that spice of vulgarity. The sexuality just pushes the limit, and I love it (I like to think I've moved on from reading too typical high school romances, altho I need a little fluff every now and then :P)

Anyway, I'm sorry you moved it all to PH. I can't remember if I tried joining it before, but either they never admitted me, or I never "applied" due to the rules. I understand about reviewing, but it seemed it might prove too difficult for me, esp since I'm about to start some insanneee schooling. I was afraid if I joined, I would learn to hate reading. :/ So I wish you luck in your endeavors! This one looked promising :) Thx for the small blurb!
9/14/2011 c1 1Wanderingreader
This is nice but it's quite disappointing that you will not update it anymore.

I've checked Plagiarism Haven but after reading their rules/policies, I decided not to join. It's time consuming on my part since I'm also working.

If you have time, I hope you will post some of your stories here. Good luck!
9/10/2011 c1 Lily
I'm really disappointed you won't be updating here anymore. I guess I can understand you're concerned about plagiarism. I tried to get accepted in ph on livejournal but it's been a couple months so I guess I wasn't. It's really a shame because this story started out so amazing I would have loved to read the rest :( You're denying your readers..
9/2/2011 c1 wonderland212
My Question:

Why leave only one chapter of your story up-which I assume is to hook us (by us, I mean the reader) into your story- if you know that the community you joined on LG is difficult to join? - I'm sorry it seems a bit selfish and and inconsiderate of the ppl that have been there for u througout the many years that you have been on this site.

BUTTTT!...despite that...

Out of curiousity, I was willing to join the community, I've always considered getting a LG anyways so why not? But once I got my account and was able to read the "guidlines" to the community, I was completely turned off. I have no problem with reviewing stories...in fact it's why I even joined fp in the first place, but to TELL me that I HAVE to have written a certain amount of reviews per month is absurd. Reading should never have to feel like a chore.
8/19/2011 c1 8FlamingInk57
It sucks that I can't continue to read this story but can I just say, this seems like a awesome story and the first chapter is brilliant. It's really well written and I love the characters. Vitelli is such an epic name and I love him.
8/18/2011 c1 Haley Jean
Obviously you don't post/update here anymore, but I just felt like leaving my own personal little mark here anyway(:

When I first began writing stories, I would always start off with dialogue. In the fourth grade, my instructor encouraged it, but in high school I was told it wasn't proper writing. Now, pray tell, what IS proper writing, huh?

Basically, I love the introduction to this, but the only fault I find with it is that the dialogue is confusing because so many characters are being introduced all at once but there isn't any indication of WHO is speaking. However, you reprimand this dilemma by the end of the chapter by adding description to each individual character and literally separating them (i.e the locker scene) and naming them off so the audience has a clearer idea of your colorful cast.

I also wanted to point out something that irked me about Vitelli's character: no matter how man-beautifully sexy he is, the mere fact that he collects dog poo grosses me out. It's just a dirty thought, literally. How Audrey can still find him somewhat appealing after that discovery in his locker has me dumb-founded.

Oh, no offense to Vitelli! Please don't send him out to strangle me...I have a fish to feed ):
7/18/2011 c1 buznuz1
both funny and not too vulgar, love it!
7/14/2011 c1 Erwyn
This is really interesting so far! It's really different compared to what I've read before. Vitelli seems like an interesting character. He's not the average, polite, good o' male lead. ;D I wonder what Audrey will do next and what will happen next.
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