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for The Charity of Saint Elizabeth

8/26/2009 c1 8Pandora's Flight
Wow, Kevin... I'm crying.

This is a very emotionally striking story. Very well written =] Clearly, it deserved to win. Congratulations!

You did a great job of making the reader love your characters in a short amount of space. I think my heart broke when Calvin saw Clara die.

And just to let you know, your dialogue is incredible. I don't know what you're worried about.

The only critique I can think of off the top of my head is the punctual part of dialogue.

"Clara warned me against you." The boy said

should be

"Clara warned me against you," the boy said.

Besides that, brilliant =]

I'm excited to work on "Zombies That Are Dead (But Not Really)" now. We need to get a move on.

You may have inspired me to write some more though. I've been really unmotivated as of late...

Good work :)
8/21/2009 c1 slyla1
wow ... that's intense.

your really good, don't stop writing.

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