for Analyze Me12/29/2009 c3 SaberlaVibe
I love it. :).
'Nough said.
And throughout the whole story, I don't know why, but my favorite part was where she wondered if anyone makes hot chocolate from scratch anymore. It made me happy. :)
I love it. :).
'Nough said.
And throughout the whole story, I don't know why, but my favorite part was where she wondered if anyone makes hot chocolate from scratch anymore. It made me happy. :)
12/29/2009 c3 GR4CKY
it's apparent that you've put some thought into the sentence structure and all that. i'm liking it :)
it's apparent that you've put some thought into the sentence structure and all that. i'm liking it :)
12/24/2009 c2 unlockurdestiny
Heyy, good story so far,i really enjoyed it. Keep up the good work and update soon !
Heyy, good story so far,i really enjoyed it. Keep up the good work and update soon !
10/17/2009 c2 inSAMniac
MELI.
:D
you got some pretty hilarious stuff going on!
you have a lot of dialogue so a suggestion is to put more descriptive writing to balance it? if you get what i'm saying? :)
other than that!
Can't wait to see more so GET WORKIN'!
:)
sam
MELI.
:D
you got some pretty hilarious stuff going on!
you have a lot of dialogue so a suggestion is to put more descriptive writing to balance it? if you get what i'm saying? :)
other than that!
Can't wait to see more so GET WORKIN'!
:)
sam
8/28/2009 c1 
2A Fan Of Fans Who Have Fans
CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE! heheheheh
2A Fan Of Fans Who Have FansCONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE CONTINUE! heheheheh
8/23/2009 c1 prmei
it's an okay start but you have missing words or punctuations sometimes and a few spelling mistakes.
Also... when this story began, i couldn't tell if the point of view was from a female or a male. at the mention of Jones i thought it was a male but then you mentioned "younger sister" and then it was cleared. i understand that in your summary you put "She" first, but take into consideration that this could have still been taken from the male's point of view.
try to be more clear next time to stay away from any confusion. confusing the reader (when it isn't part of the plot) isn't a good thing. you could lose them that way.
thanks for the read though.
prémei
it's an okay start but you have missing words or punctuations sometimes and a few spelling mistakes.
Also... when this story began, i couldn't tell if the point of view was from a female or a male. at the mention of Jones i thought it was a male but then you mentioned "younger sister" and then it was cleared. i understand that in your summary you put "She" first, but take into consideration that this could have still been taken from the male's point of view.
try to be more clear next time to stay away from any confusion. confusing the reader (when it isn't part of the plot) isn't a good thing. you could lose them that way.
thanks for the read though.
prémei