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for Three Small Dots

9/1/2012 c126 Prim the amazing
You are amazing!
5/3/2011 c122 2063M2R
i love breaking the most. very authentic.

this was a beautiful line: 'ripping at his hair, because if he can see his brain he might make sense of things'

i seriously fell in love with 'APART'

every line of it was so cool!

the brackets were awesome (do anyone use that anymore?)
5/3/2011 c125 3M2R
wow. that's a violent write. you make me scared to even review but who cares ahha. i'm just reviewing

anyway, i like that part about 'bright red blood' i love the brackets really does add to the beat.

it sounded like a prose at the start, then it strayed a little to poetry... and by last few stanzas, it was so completely a song. i wonder how it'll sound like with some music to it.
5/3/2011 c126 3M2R
i like this line: " The list of things that I keep inside has grown far past my grandfather now,"

i mean, in today's time and age, i believe teens/ youngsters do have more to worry or more bottled up within them than their parents, grandparents, great-grandparents...etc.

'but i can deal with that. i have to'

don't make it sound like it's so difficult. remember, when you walk ahead, you're proving to that person that he/she is the one who lost this fight because you've successfully lived on, and still be able to feel the happiness of not having him/her in your life.
12/18/2010 c6 4lookingwest
Prize Review Marathon Review from the Review Squad

There were some problems with the discourse in this piece, meaning I thought that the language was a bit uneven-there were times when the narrator wasn't using contractions and was using an extremely formal discourse, and then towards the end they started using contractions and used the verb "got" which was a bit out of place for the beginning. I thought the subject matter and content was well done though, I liked that, thought the idea was unique, and the repetition of the "I want to go to you" was cool too because I think it added poetic flavor to the prose!
12/12/2010 c2 this wild abyss
Congratulations on placing second in the November Review Marathon!

I couldn't really decipher the author's intent in this. It seemed like a lament that he or she can't go back to the good old days, but at the same time, it doesn't seem like that at all. Mostly, it felt like rambling, and I wasn't a fan of that. There wasn't a clear goal in evidence, and that made reading this piece feel sort of wasted.

Once again, the author's tone in this was too whiny for my taste. It's like she or he is complaining, but not really doing much of anything to fix the situation, and that lack of action didn't speak to me in the way it could have.
12/12/2010 c1 this wild abyss
I'm not really sure that I liked this all that much, to be quite honest.

The narrator's tone seemed to be a bit whiny to me, and I found myself frustrated with him/her. It was like she was talking to this person, but not really believing what she/he said. It's hard to relate with a narrator who lacks conviction.

There were also several misplaced commas throughout this piece that really distracted me as a reader. I found that they hampered the flow of things quite a bit and made it hard to keep up.

That being said, you made your point very clear in this piece, and I can commend you for that.
11/22/2010 c30 2dragonflydreamer
RM prize review #2!

Interesting. In general, self harm pieces make me cringe, half due to personal reasons and half due to it just being such an overdone topic. But, really, not bad.

Even though it's describing the obvious action of self-harm, it's obviously implying something more, something I think is completely up to interpretation. I read it as cheating or something along those lines, but that's just me, and I love how it can take on the color of whoever's reading it.

Great opening sentence, too. "I can't believe I made this wound." The bewilderment and confusion is a great way to set the rest of the piece.

I'm not sure if you're going for the overly dramatic angst or not. If you're going for more serious or train-of-thought, I'd try to reorganize some of the sentences. Less 'dramatic commas,' for lack of better phrasing. By that, I mean things like "I just wanted the freedom, the pleasure." Like I said, it depends what you're going for, and it really isn't bad the way it is.

Hope to see you at the next RM!
11/22/2010 c103 dragonflydreamer
Here's a real prize review! Thanks for participating in the RM!

The second line, "trying to achieve," caught me up. I expected the next line to be a continuation of that thought. I like the idea of leaving the notion of "achieve" open-ended like that, but without the punctuation, the phrasing was confusing.

"Maybe I can fix it

A repeat of your youth" I'm sorry, I didn't really understand these lines. Again, are they connected, or separate ideas?

But on the positive:

"Then tear me all down" I like the choice of the word "all" here. It implies multiple parts to this person.

And I absolutely love how the speaker went from saying "I'm just a kid" at the beginning and not being able to live up with people's expectations to wanting to be treated like a man. This either implies growth in the span of the poem or just confusion. I love either interpretation.
11/22/2010 c106 dragonflydreamer
I was gonna do this as a prize review, but I'd rather give you something a little more meaty. This has no reviews, though, so I might as well...

Nifty piece. I'm not quite sure if it's insightful, inspiring, meaningful, or just plain musing, but I don't know, it struck something in me.
11/5/2010 c125 1Ms.K216
"Kept leaning b a c k, just to get a glimpse..." the enlongated/spaced out 'b a c k' doesn't make much sence here.

I'm not sure I enirely agree with the content of this chapter but, the content was well written regardless of my opinion.
11/5/2010 c124 Ms.K216
Check this chapter for punctuation errors. I found quite a few and they were a little distracting. Other than that, I loved the content of the chapter. Black is a great color {idk how you spell it where you live but, I spell it with no 'u'}
11/4/2010 c16 Ms.K216
"Only this time I was you, and 'another' was me, as I was then." This wording is strange to me but, it was really easy to understand the second time reading it. I totally understood 't h a t' and it was a good peice to add.
11/4/2010 c15 Ms.K216
I'm not great with poetry but, this was really good. I didn't see anything that needed to be fixed. {You finaly shut me up! yay :D} I actually really liked the lyrics of this poem. Overall a really great job.
11/4/2010 c14 Ms.K216
"what... what if you hated me?" Remember, no space after the elipses!

I loved the ending. "But I don't need you. I never needed you." I wish the speaker had enough courage to tell the 'dad' that he was un-needed. The reaction would've been a great addition to this chapter.
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