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for Veneer Asylum

1/19/2010 c1 1Zovesta
xD I write far sicker stuff than you.

I like it, it's a nice start... but you should brush up on how to write using the first person. :D See, instead of thinkng, "Molly looks up at me, her wide black eyes looking directly at mine. Her brown fur shivers and a small drop of water falls from her face. I reach a pale hand down to gently pull her blanket up." I just though "Molly's so cute... she's cold, I better cover her up more."

Our thoughts are rather simple, and a lot of book mess this up. You don't need to use SUCH a simple format, since the character can be rather flowery, but most people think pretty simple thoughts. With a lot of skill, you can pull it off and make it a good story. :)

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