for She Sits And She Thinks9/8/2009 c1 jesse benderman
Wow you think that much of me? Lol, that's good and do I really make you feel that great?
Wow you think that much of me? Lol, that's good and do I really make you feel that great?
9/6/2009 c1 
612simpleplan13
I think this may need a little more. I think a bit more about why she feels something is off. I'm guessing that's because of the rumors, but it was a bit disjointed and confusing... Plus I wish the thoughts had a conclusion. I dunno, I just wanted more.
I did like the piece though. The way you describe her thoughts really shows how she feels about him. I also think the rumors are an interesting touch. It makes the reader want to know more. Nicely done.
PS If you're bored check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (link in my profile).
612simpleplan13I think this may need a little more. I think a bit more about why she feels something is off. I'm guessing that's because of the rumors, but it was a bit disjointed and confusing... Plus I wish the thoughts had a conclusion. I dunno, I just wanted more.
I did like the piece though. The way you describe her thoughts really shows how she feels about him. I also think the rumors are an interesting touch. It makes the reader want to know more. Nicely done.
PS If you're bored check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (link in my profile).