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for Dusk

3/27/2013 c1 3myheart4you
Oh gosh. LOL. This is hilarious, especially throwing that Juno line in there. That really helped :p
1/31/2012 c6 1luke3107
great interesting and had me hooked from the start. shame you seem to have stopped writing it. only hope this comment might spur you on =D. in all seriousness though, this is a really good story and I've thoroughly enjoyed it up until this point.
5/12/2010 c5 2righthere431
aw a puppy! and a human? what's she going to do?
3/23/2010 c2 39Dahlia Wolffe
lol @ jesus-save-my-soul music...

I love your descriptions, ie "his knuckles turning to a shade of white pale enough to make a ghost jealous..." Can't help wondering what was actually going on in his head and what happened to Mabel. I especially like the way your main character goes into his zone and how you describe it. An interesting angle I've yet to see played by any vamp fiction writer, including myself. -.- And spoons? Omg...lmao... Well, this story has stayed interesting and i'm sure it will continue to be...

From We Return Reviews
3/23/2010 c1 Dahlia Wolffe
Well, let me just shake your hand for hating Stephanie Meyer's "work" too, lol. About the story... Love the intro, the twist on the intro to twilight (which you have beat by leaps and bounds) The lamb and the lion, a little too much though. :) By the end of this chapter though, I kinda felt like I was missing something. Like my own work, you probably get more character/plot detail in the later chapters. I can tell who is saying and doing what, but i can't quite picture them. lol. all S.Meyer references aside I'd say it's a pretty good story, draws me into wanting to know what comes next. Keep writing!

From We Return Reviews
2/17/2010 c6 Anise Cary
This was more like the every vampire’s worst nightmare sense-a human whose blood was so alluring, it was irresistible. - again totally LOLed

his blood was singing like a canary in the paws of a cat. - he he he, this line is perfection

ok please tell me you are going to get back to this story, I'd love to read more.
2/17/2010 c4 Anise Cary
Charlemagne's brain was completely off-limits now, transformed overnight into a prison with high concrete walls, electric barbed wire fences and sentries posted every twenty feet. - more great imagery, I can totally picture that

Trying to break it would be like trying to solve the Da Vinci code without any clues. - ok I just had to laugh here

no one else had been willing to except the case - ok I'm sure you've gotten this by now but it should be accept, this is one of those homophone pairs covered weekly in at least one of my classes spelling tests

I'm really enjoying this story.
2/17/2010 c3 Anise Cary
I really like Stella's attitude, it just makes me laugh

My stomach disagreed. This was going to be bad. The kind of bad that made flesh-eating diseases look like good news. - outstanding line, what an analogy

“Just don't think about it.”

But when I tried, the more the thought seemed to drill itself into my skull. - yeah isn't that the way it always is, you know don't look down so you automatically do, ugh

great way to end the chapter, now I just have to read more to find out what Charlie knows that he's not telling
2/13/2010 c6 3Tes Killen

update soon please that last line is going to kill me!
2/7/2010 c2 Anise Cary
OK I literally LOLed at Spoons, too friggin funny. Vomiting at love, well there's been a time or two I wanted to do that. You have a great style. Great ending too, ok I know this review should be longer but I'm moving on to the next chapter and don't want to stop to write much sorry. :)
2/7/2010 c1 Anise Cary
Great start, you definitely got my attention. You use some great imagery here: He was a boy. A very scared, heartbroken boy awkwardly clutching a wooden stake in his hands. The front of his baseball jersey was stained with dirt and grass and blood.

I'm interested in why Stell is so ready for death, why welcome it?
1/31/2010 c6 4lookingwest
You. Are. Legendary.

-why hohoho *smugness* of course I am *smokes pipe by fire place*

But…No, no, no. No, I wasn’t stronger than this. Nobody was stronger than this.

-a singer. Well that's just brilliant. Oh boy! My favorite part!

-Wow though, you know what's totally weird about this? Even Stella has to stop herself from her metaphorical sexual deviance, similar to how Bella has to "stop" herself from wanting sex from Mr. Purity. Interesting that your parody also has the girl doing her best to curve her sexual tendencies. I wonder if Mr. Guitar Singer is also Mr. Purity, or if Stella is...*ponders*

“Leggo of me!”

-Leggo my Eggo!

Even though this is a parody and such, I'm getting into this-sexual tension! Yes!

“Don’t call,” I begged. His thumb hovered over the SEND button. “I’m fine. Really.”

-That's great that he's actually using his cell phone, because if I recall in a certain BOOK, the girl didn't even have one. And then you know, they put one in her hands during the MOVIE, which, pfft, was totally inaccurate.

“Oh, yes. And assaulting an Officer of the Law,“ the woman added, a hint of a smile in her voice. “That’s punishable by death, of course.”

-D:D:D: ACK!

POST MORE! NOW! And as I stated before, everything was just so smooth and easy to read! You are a wonderful writer! *Applauds*
1/31/2010 c5 lookingwest
Getting into the graveyard turned out to be a hell of a lot harder than I thought it would be.

-Major bummer, haha

I jogged around the wall, looking for some kind of back entrance. No luck.

-too bad so sad, our local graveyard has NO fence. Nothing. Not that...I've ever scoped out the local graveyard...

Great. I could practically hear the bricks laughing at me. Just my luck.

-love that little personification, that was a nice touch because of the whole literary device usage and such!

A dead baby. I sighed. Great. Those were always a killjoy. Not that I’d been having much fun, anyway, what with the falling, and the pain…

-hey, what's worse than a pile of a thousand dead babies?

One live baby eating it's way out...AHAHAHA.

but WAIT. What's worse than that?

...the live baby going back for seconds!

...yeah. I should probably be shot.

God, why couldn’t I remember?

-creative character development, I like how she's going through some internal paranoia here about not remembering, ect.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

-aha, WONDERFUL ending.

I rather like this chapter! It was fun and a light read for me so late at night. I thought it had it's funny moments too, as per usual for the parody-genre, and I can happily say that reading this gave me a few good laughs. Plus you know, it was well written and everything. After doing a lot of editing on other stories today this was SO refreshing since you know how to handle basic grammar and spelling, haha. I was able to sit back and enjoy the ride.
1/31/2010 c2 1Engineer of Words
Right, so here's your review for December WCC. Yeah, I know, it's a little late. Sorry about that.

Anyway, I applaud you for telling Stephenie Meyer to suck it and writing your own version of this godawful story. But they say the story's in the telling, and yours is curious, certainly.

You make no pretenses about being ridiculous - that much we know by the fact that one character's name is Charlemagne [the Charlemagne himself?] and the reader sees him immediately doing 23 under the speed limit or so. You continue this motif with your narration, which is anything but poetic here [see: line about Honky Tonk and Jesus music], but the fact of the matter is that there's a certain charm in the base nature of it all.

But despite all that, you throw in some wit to keep the brain engaged on more than one frequency. "Your emotions gave me an all-access pass" is quite the one-liner.

The town is named Spoons? Oh dear. That's almost as depressing as the thought of Stella being sixteen forever, especially if her hormones consistently functioned like she was that age for centuries on end.

Then the best part, though, is that she almost dies of neurological overload because of love. If that's not a bit jaded I don't know what is, but again I applaud you for keeping the reader on their toes. Curve balls abound in this chapter, and I expect more of the same going forward.
1/28/2010 c1 3Megsi
The prologue is very good. I like how you've followed Stephanie Meyer's nonlinear storyline. It's a playful paradody with a reversal of roles and I like the little jokes about death to throw off what should be a sombre mood.

The dialogue is good; it shows familiarity between the characters of 'Stell' and 'Edwin' and is also amusing.

It made me curious to find out how the two knew eachother and what put Stell in the frame of mind that she wants her 'second death' to be excruciating.

I really liked it =]
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