for Hand of Sorrow11/18/2009 c1 natmarie
You really do have a knack for one shots. I often suffer from wanting to make them too long or put too much detail into them. You capture the characters, thier situation and dialogue nicely and wrap it up realistically and cohesively at the end. I'm jealous. :)
I like how there are just pronouns and titles in this one with no names, it gives the piece a whole new feeling. Also you still wow me with your poetic language. You pick strong verbs and seem to make each word count. A great talent. The flashbacks are vivid and help bring details into the story. Perhaps set them off in italics to help differentiate them from the rest of the text? With the flashbacks, watch your tense, so it doesn't float between past and present unless you want it to...I'd think since they happened in the past they all should be in the past.
I can picture the whole thing which is incredible and the last scnee is touching. Nicely done.
You really do have a knack for one shots. I often suffer from wanting to make them too long or put too much detail into them. You capture the characters, thier situation and dialogue nicely and wrap it up realistically and cohesively at the end. I'm jealous. :)
I like how there are just pronouns and titles in this one with no names, it gives the piece a whole new feeling. Also you still wow me with your poetic language. You pick strong verbs and seem to make each word count. A great talent. The flashbacks are vivid and help bring details into the story. Perhaps set them off in italics to help differentiate them from the rest of the text? With the flashbacks, watch your tense, so it doesn't float between past and present unless you want it to...I'd think since they happened in the past they all should be in the past.
I can picture the whole thing which is incredible and the last scnee is touching. Nicely done.
11/16/2009 c1 person is gone
This is sounding good so far...
But in the beginning, it's difficult to tell, sometimes, who "he" is. It's all "he". Sometimes I had to read back and figure out which one was meant - the guy tied up or the guard whipping him.
Otherwise I like how you do it, like it's flashing through his memories. It's very well done. You tell us nothing about him (or not much) and what's going on, and yet still we get a good idea of his character and life.
So sad! It sounds like a fairy tale, almost. Like one of those epic love stories from hundreds of years ago. I really liked it.
There were just a few mistakes (like "Instead ~I~ had killed the only one he held dear."), but otherwise - awesome :)
This is sounding good so far...
But in the beginning, it's difficult to tell, sometimes, who "he" is. It's all "he". Sometimes I had to read back and figure out which one was meant - the guy tied up or the guard whipping him.
Otherwise I like how you do it, like it's flashing through his memories. It's very well done. You tell us nothing about him (or not much) and what's going on, and yet still we get a good idea of his character and life.
So sad! It sounds like a fairy tale, almost. Like one of those epic love stories from hundreds of years ago. I really liked it.
There were just a few mistakes (like "Instead ~I~ had killed the only one he held dear."), but otherwise - awesome :)
11/2/2009 c1 fleur de l'est
A great piece! I liked the concision - not so much to do with the length as the way you told the story, every word works very hard for you, and unlike most other fiction, this piece is impossible to skim-read because every line is so intriguing, right from the physical / psychological descriptions in the biginning to the emotions and analyses at the end. The plot creates a perfect platform for the message to be conveyed. I like the way you jumped between points in time using "it is.." - it gives the text a film effect :) Also, I don't like dialogues in my stories, so I'm glad you've kept yours condensed as well!
~fleur
A great piece! I liked the concision - not so much to do with the length as the way you told the story, every word works very hard for you, and unlike most other fiction, this piece is impossible to skim-read because every line is so intriguing, right from the physical / psychological descriptions in the biginning to the emotions and analyses at the end. The plot creates a perfect platform for the message to be conveyed. I like the way you jumped between points in time using "it is.." - it gives the text a film effect :) Also, I don't like dialogues in my stories, so I'm glad you've kept yours condensed as well!
~fleur
10/23/2009 c1 
1You Make My Date
Omg, very romeo and juliet but with a great twist! Look forward to reading more of your work to come.
PS. Thanks for the reviews :)
1You Make My DateOmg, very romeo and juliet but with a great twist! Look forward to reading more of your work to come.
PS. Thanks for the reviews :)
10/15/2009 c1 MockingJuliet
I'll say it again, talent. Honest talent. And I dont say that often on this site, I can tell you that. This was beautiful, and perfectly written. Plus, that tittle is just perfect.
I'll say it again, talent. Honest talent. And I dont say that often on this site, I can tell you that. This was beautiful, and perfectly written. Plus, that tittle is just perfect.
10/2/2009 c1 Sir Scott
This story has all the right elements to invoke the emotion of sorrow, even for the Lady.
~SirScott
This story has all the right elements to invoke the emotion of sorrow, even for the Lady.
~SirScott
10/1/2009 c1 10Elizabeth Arlen
Incredible! Absolutely incredible! You had me in tears by the end. This is beautifully done; the emotions very real and on the surface. Fabulous job!
10Elizabeth ArlenIncredible! Absolutely incredible! You had me in tears by the end. This is beautifully done; the emotions very real and on the surface. Fabulous job!
9/30/2009 c1 your infection their plague
Beautiful...in a transfixing way.
It was detailed and sad
with an ending I didn't expect
but, then again, I wasn't sure what to expect
I didn't have time, enjoying the details and rich words so much.
Lovely work.
Beautiful...in a transfixing way.
It was detailed and sad
with an ending I didn't expect
but, then again, I wasn't sure what to expect
I didn't have time, enjoying the details and rich words so much.
Lovely work.
9/23/2009 c1 Punslinger
First rate storytelling. You have a fine touch for drawing readers into a strange fantasy world where disbelief is so suspended that we don't want to leave it.
First rate storytelling. You have a fine touch for drawing readers into a strange fantasy world where disbelief is so suspended that we don't want to leave it.
9/22/2009 c1 2Alathea
Aw, that was sweet in the end. Er, not the part where they die! I mean the last sentence, where he presses the flower against his fingers, the flower that she gave him so many years ago when they first met.
It's wonderful to see how you went about telling this story. I've read some of the other reviews where they said it reminded them of the tragic love story of Romeo and Juliet, and they were certainly right. With this said, there could have been the possibility that this story would have been written as a cliche, but after reading this, I'm proud to say that it was far from it. Your choice of using the present tense as well as limited dialogue was used to enhance the intensity of the story rather than take away from it. Not many authors choose this style of writting, and when they do they risk it ending in disaster, and so it is refreshing to see someone who has nailed it to perfection.
Keep up the amazing work!
2AlatheaAw, that was sweet in the end. Er, not the part where they die! I mean the last sentence, where he presses the flower against his fingers, the flower that she gave him so many years ago when they first met.
It's wonderful to see how you went about telling this story. I've read some of the other reviews where they said it reminded them of the tragic love story of Romeo and Juliet, and they were certainly right. With this said, there could have been the possibility that this story would have been written as a cliche, but after reading this, I'm proud to say that it was far from it. Your choice of using the present tense as well as limited dialogue was used to enhance the intensity of the story rather than take away from it. Not many authors choose this style of writting, and when they do they risk it ending in disaster, and so it is refreshing to see someone who has nailed it to perfection.
Keep up the amazing work!
9/17/2009 c1 31Wynter Storm
So sad and so bitter sweet, wow you based this on another work ?, its very interesting, I felt his pain and anger
31Wynter StormSo sad and so bitter sweet, wow you based this on another work ?, its very interesting, I felt his pain and anger
9/12/2009 c1 5Shayle
Nice story. Reminded me of a strange version of Romeo and Juliet. But none the less it was a nice read.
5ShayleNice story. Reminded me of a strange version of Romeo and Juliet. But none the less it was a nice read.
9/11/2009 c1 14The Wilted Gardenia
wow that was some awesome writing :)
lady livia is right, that would make a really good novel!
14The Wilted Gardeniawow that was some awesome writing :)
lady livia is right, that would make a really good novel!
9/8/2009 c1 painted eyes
Oh my goodness! I didnt expect that ending! It was so beautiful, that last line. You really have a talent!
This story kind of reminded me of the 'Across The Nightingale Floor' series... random fact there :)
I liked when you went back in the years, it was really a clever way to recount the main man's history.
Keep up the good work!
~painted
Oh my goodness! I didnt expect that ending! It was so beautiful, that last line. You really have a talent!
This story kind of reminded me of the 'Across The Nightingale Floor' series... random fact there :)
I liked when you went back in the years, it was really a clever way to recount the main man's history.
Keep up the good work!
~painted
9/7/2009 c1 26Mirabella
It made me cry too! It was so sad and terible!
But i like the bitter sweet ending! I love those. It was a terrible ending, but the cute little bit with the pressed flower was lovely! And she forgave him!
It is brilliant and i really want more!
Always before has a boy asked for more! xo
26MirabellaIt made me cry too! It was so sad and terible!
But i like the bitter sweet ending! I love those. It was a terrible ending, but the cute little bit with the pressed flower was lovely! And she forgave him!
It is brilliant and i really want more!
Always before has a boy asked for more! xo