for Something Worth Fighting For3/30/2018 c1 
5marzmez
Aaaahhhhhg! Formatting again! And punctuation. But, I shall persevere because the story has cought my fancy.
5marzmezAaaahhhhhg! Formatting again! And punctuation. But, I shall persevere because the story has cought my fancy.
5/10/2014 c2 Taint.Revile.Elude
I know they're supposed to get together but it feels like they're being maneuvered...like puppets whose strings are showing, if you will. The entire scene in the kitchen, kiss included, felt forced.
I know they're supposed to get together but it feels like they're being maneuvered...like puppets whose strings are showing, if you will. The entire scene in the kitchen, kiss included, felt forced.
12/10/2012 c54 8Jo Suzuki
Hey! I hadn't read this one before! I absolutely loved it! :D It's a very, very charming story! And I love Natalia's character... I completely get her!
I liked how the angst was underplayed so that it remained only bittersweet; the way it should be! The drama was perfectly balanced as well!
Who said nothing can compare to IOT? This, right here, is wonderful in its own league! ;)
8Jo SuzukiHey! I hadn't read this one before! I absolutely loved it! :D It's a very, very charming story! And I love Natalia's character... I completely get her!
I liked how the angst was underplayed so that it remained only bittersweet; the way it should be! The drama was perfectly balanced as well!
Who said nothing can compare to IOT? This, right here, is wonderful in its own league! ;)
3/30/2012 c2 Krullie
okay so nice so far.. it is just high school isn't my thing. Im more for Uni or office/work place bla bla bla thingy. But I like it so far,, haah its going to be very funny with the sexual tension.. cant wait till that moment
okay so nice so far.. it is just high school isn't my thing. Im more for Uni or office/work place bla bla bla thingy. But I like it so far,, haah its going to be very funny with the sexual tension.. cant wait till that moment
2/17/2012 c54 Navdeep
I love the ending!
I love the ending!
6/27/2010 c54 natmarie
Wonderful ending. Standing ovation. I am impressed and in awe at how you kept it going and it never got boring. A little sappy and dramatic at times, but who doesn't love that ;) I can see this being a wonderful piece with some work. If you need help deciphering some of my babble let me know. I'm always willing to help. I also have some new idea bursts for stories/new stuff up, love to hear what you think. :D
Wonderful ending. Standing ovation. I am impressed and in awe at how you kept it going and it never got boring. A little sappy and dramatic at times, but who doesn't love that ;) I can see this being a wonderful piece with some work. If you need help deciphering some of my babble let me know. I'm always willing to help. I also have some new idea bursts for stories/new stuff up, love to hear what you think. :D
6/27/2010 c34 natmarie
Love the chapter titles, have I mentioned that? Creative. And Kudos for writing so many chapters, yikes! Awesomeness personified. My qualm with this chapter is that it is a lot of dialogue, some it floating, other parts of it not. What is happening, what is going on around the people talking? Another chapter I think taking Nat or Dallas' PoV might come in handy and express the feelings more accurately?
Also, work on how you show passages of time. I understand the scene jumps and they work quite nicely. And the readers, if you leave them with the right image at the end, for example, can pick up that Dallas and Nat dance (totally Aw-ed that whole scene), no need to say they danced well into the night, or if you do, is there another way you could say it? With a little more imagery? Or impact? It's just something to think about. Hope I am not sounding like a broken record. I realize you wrot this all in one go, or at least without a bunch of editing so it will be a consistant writing style. Hope this is actually helping.
Love the chapter titles, have I mentioned that? Creative. And Kudos for writing so many chapters, yikes! Awesomeness personified. My qualm with this chapter is that it is a lot of dialogue, some it floating, other parts of it not. What is happening, what is going on around the people talking? Another chapter I think taking Nat or Dallas' PoV might come in handy and express the feelings more accurately?
Also, work on how you show passages of time. I understand the scene jumps and they work quite nicely. And the readers, if you leave them with the right image at the end, for example, can pick up that Dallas and Nat dance (totally Aw-ed that whole scene), no need to say they danced well into the night, or if you do, is there another way you could say it? With a little more imagery? Or impact? It's just something to think about. Hope I am not sounding like a broken record. I realize you wrot this all in one go, or at least without a bunch of editing so it will be a consistant writing style. Hope this is actually helping.
6/27/2010 c17 natmarie
I decided to wait and review a few chapters later because I felt like I was getting way too repetative. I like how the plot is progressing and things keep getting better with our main characters, just watch your descriptions. You do a lot of telling that sometimes gets boring or is un-neccessary or just seems a little forced (no offense, trust me, I do it all the time). Try and show a little more. Instead of describing why the party is for Dallas making the team jump into a scene at it or before it, or have everyone be talking about it at school or something. I also find myself wanting a little bit more of insight into Nat's thoughts. Could just be me though.
I decided to wait and review a few chapters later because I felt like I was getting way too repetative. I like how the plot is progressing and things keep getting better with our main characters, just watch your descriptions. You do a lot of telling that sometimes gets boring or is un-neccessary or just seems a little forced (no offense, trust me, I do it all the time). Try and show a little more. Instead of describing why the party is for Dallas making the team jump into a scene at it or before it, or have everyone be talking about it at school or something. I also find myself wanting a little bit more of insight into Nat's thoughts. Could just be me though.
6/27/2010 c6 natmarie
This kind of reads like a movie. I feel like there is some information that you have in your head as the author that isn't quite getting through to the readers. I don't know if that makes sense. But I know I have the tendency to leave things out or over simplify things because I know how they will work out, or know extra details in my head. Make sense?
I was also wondering. If She wants to go to the formal with Raine what is with all the kissing of Dallas? Maybe I missed something in there. Don't get me wrong, I love their connection, it just made me a little confused. PS. Dalla reminds me of a character in The Outsiders...wonderful book. :) They even act similarly. I also like that it is in 3rd person but was wondering if it would be stronger from a character's point of view. I know that's a big change and overhaul, but I thought it might be worth mentioning.
This kind of reads like a movie. I feel like there is some information that you have in your head as the author that isn't quite getting through to the readers. I don't know if that makes sense. But I know I have the tendency to leave things out or over simplify things because I know how they will work out, or know extra details in my head. Make sense?
I was also wondering. If She wants to go to the formal with Raine what is with all the kissing of Dallas? Maybe I missed something in there. Don't get me wrong, I love their connection, it just made me a little confused. PS. Dalla reminds me of a character in The Outsiders...wonderful book. :) They even act similarly. I also like that it is in 3rd person but was wondering if it would be stronger from a character's point of view. I know that's a big change and overhaul, but I thought it might be worth mentioning.
6/27/2010 c5 natmarie
Hey old friend. I'm back to review this some more now that summer has set in and I finally have some down time once more. I'm sure you have found some more solid revision sources than little old me but feel compelled all the same to help you and let you know what I think. Feel free not to listen ;)It's a lot of rambling on and on. I think this is where I stopped, if you get a double review I applogize (or if it is repetative).
One big thing, make sure you start a new paragraph/new line with every new person talking. That way you can follow the conversation back and forth.
Some smaller things. I know I probs said it before but try setting the scene more. I am all for readers visualizing things but I want some structure to base my ideas off of. Where are they? Are they floating in space? In the same vain, how are they interacting? Is Dallas slouched against a car in the school parking lot? Does he lean in and whisper as if they were sharing a secret? Read through for flow and fluency. Off to read more.
Hey old friend. I'm back to review this some more now that summer has set in and I finally have some down time once more. I'm sure you have found some more solid revision sources than little old me but feel compelled all the same to help you and let you know what I think. Feel free not to listen ;)It's a lot of rambling on and on. I think this is where I stopped, if you get a double review I applogize (or if it is repetative).
One big thing, make sure you start a new paragraph/new line with every new person talking. That way you can follow the conversation back and forth.
Some smaller things. I know I probs said it before but try setting the scene more. I am all for readers visualizing things but I want some structure to base my ideas off of. Where are they? Are they floating in space? In the same vain, how are they interacting? Is Dallas slouched against a car in the school parking lot? Does he lean in and whisper as if they were sharing a secret? Read through for flow and fluency. Off to read more.
5/29/2010 c54 3Luna Mari
Just sent the revisions of this final chapter. I absolutely loved this novel. I loved that they got married and their vows were so adorable and positively beautiful. There wasn't much that I didn't like about the story other than Mollie, but without her interference, the story may not have ended in the same way and Natalia and Dallas' feelings for each other wouldn't have deepened in a way that only a test could've allowed. I hope that your other novel is just as good! 'Twas a pleasure working with you. :)
3Luna MariJust sent the revisions of this final chapter. I absolutely loved this novel. I loved that they got married and their vows were so adorable and positively beautiful. There wasn't much that I didn't like about the story other than Mollie, but without her interference, the story may not have ended in the same way and Natalia and Dallas' feelings for each other wouldn't have deepened in a way that only a test could've allowed. I hope that your other novel is just as good! 'Twas a pleasure working with you. :)
5/24/2010 c53 Luna Mari
Just sent the revisions... That chapter was cute, how Natalia actually took a day away from class to support Dallas! And his gift for her was so thoughtful!
Just sent the revisions... That chapter was cute, how Natalia actually took a day away from class to support Dallas! And his gift for her was so thoughtful!
5/23/2010 c51 Luna Mari
Just sent the revisions... so cute how they woke up together! The aunt's reaction surprised me, but it's great that she was completely for Natalia's moving in with Dallas. I really like this story.
Just sent the revisions... so cute how they woke up together! The aunt's reaction surprised me, but it's great that she was completely for Natalia's moving in with Dallas. I really like this story.