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for Veronica

9/29/2009 c1 Brenda Agaro
That was beautifully written. A tragic and memorable story.

I figured that the boxing is symbolic in this piece. From what I've read in the summary, and from the physical description in the first paragraph and later on, I infer that Veronica happens to be transsexual (ex: "fake blond curls"). And I think that the boy she's fighting is her love interest.

During the part where she puts on the helmet with her name, I see that as something that signifies her identity. She wants to keep on to the name she chose when transitioning, but unfortunately it doesn't protect her (I think that "However, the helmet does not protect much, not even her head." could mean that the name doesn't hide the fact that she's actually male.)

Great imagery during the interaction between Veronica and the boy. I'm impressed with how you manage to execute it so well without dialogue. Very good showing as well. I can feel emotions while reading - the wanting and then the rejection.

That's just my interpretation of this piece. Please feel free to correct me on anything.

Overall, this is amazing. I'm glad that I found this. Very well written. :-)
9/15/2009 c1 12Imminent Paradox
Oh my goodness...

This is seriously good! So poetic and beautiful... I absolutely love it :)

Poor Veronica, though! Honestly, this made me want to cry. I can't believe that the beautiful boy did that to her! It's so sad... and yet, the ending fits very well. I guess that sometimes, you have to write endings such as that to make them memorable- and believe me, that's what this is.

Amazing job! No spelling/grammar errors that I can see anywhere.
9/15/2009 c1 17Eponine254
Very moving and intense, although I feel like it could be fleshed out a bit - I'm intrigued by Veronica, but I feel like, after reading this, I still don't know her. That said, I had a lot of sympathy for her; you painted a very clear picture of her emotional turmoil. Good job!
9/12/2009 c1 Monanee
Thanks a whole dang lot. *sniffs and wipes away tears* You made me cry!

That was beautiful. There are no other words for it. Beautiful. Plain and simple.

Well done! =)
9/12/2009 c1 9Luuk
How can a start this review? a 'Wow' doesn't cut it. But...I liked it a lot. Really. I enjoy present tense for some reason, as most of my stories have that. You keep the tense working well - and the story itself was interesting. I kept on expecting Veronica to beat him or say something. I can't believe the guy did that. I wish I knew what happened next. Oh well, leaves you hanging but STILL ends well. Good job!
9/12/2009 c1 3NocturnalNerd
First off, I like the style in which this is written. The part "little brown rivers" doesn't make sense to me. The ending of it is a bit odd as well. "She simply knows who she is, and for that her blood stains the mat." Perhaps mentioning where she is bleeding from or how, would be helpful. However, I do like your writing style. It's clean, descriptive, and I feel empathetic for the character. Definitely fav.
9/12/2009 c1 6ephemeral dance
Well! This was certainly a very unique and well-written piece. No grammar or spelling errors that I spotted. It was full of emotion and intensity. Your descriptions of the main character and the "beautiful boy," I thought were very good, considering that focusing TOO much on their physical appearances when they were obviously in a situation of action would have been gratuitous and distracting from the story itself.

Great job with this!
9/9/2009 c1 17katietheunicorn
Wow, that was so emotional! I think I felt everything going on, and it pulled at my heart. :o Very well written, I saw no problems with grammar or formatting or whatnot.

Only suggestion: If she is such a strong fighter, regardless of her love for this man, then she should have still got it inherself to win. She could tell him once she won, afterall. Just kinda inconsistent that she suddenly buckled, but maybe its a love thing and I don't get it. ^^;
9/8/2009 c1 1Angel-Leigh Jones

wow what a beautiful piece. So intense with a lot of depth. i could feel her pain. Every girl and guy goes through a stage where there is a guy or girl they want to be with but they don't see them.

I loved the boxing mixed in with it. It made it strong and different - not like a normal i love you, you don't love me story.

Is this a one shot or a novel? I would love to read more.

Angel - the roadhouse

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