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5/2/2014 c1 5OctoMethuselah
I quite like this story-in a short period of time it not only conveys the love story between the two people, but the apparent insanity of the girl, leaving the reader with something to think about afterwards. In my opinion, much of the ending commentary was unnecessary, since the rest of the story kind of spoke for itself; I felt the addition almost detracted from the rest of the piece, since the time period is different and the pure narration can get a little sluggish. But I quite enjoyed the piece! Good job! ;)
6/16/2012 c1 5Persevera
First time I've read you but won't be the last. I like how matter-of-fact, not angst-y it is. Just the story of the friend fulfilling a need would have been enough but the hint of their past makes it even more compelling
6/22/2010 c1 2S.M. Elias
Wow... Your writing style really is amazing, I love the ending and the obscurity of the scars. I found the relationship between the readers to be simple and sweet, not some ooey gooey romance. Simply brilliant. I really wish I could write like you.
5/22/2010 c1 2ColieM88
Wow! I really like this. My favorite part was that it was not mushy or cliched at all. Definitely not what I was expecting. I will say though that I did not (and maybe it was just me) catch how she got the scars in the first place...war, accident, self inflicted, ect. However, I may not have understood or read it correctly. IF that is the case sorry! Also, I like how there was no pining over the "what was lost" aspect that could have been taken. It was just a found memory.
5/2/2010 c1 12lianoid
Another fantastic piece. It’s well written and emotionally charged. I got shivers reading the last paragraph. I love your work so much, you’re such an amazing writer, my god! I wonder, I can’t remember, but are you going to continue this piece and write a third? I already read the second sister piece to this one, but I’m still eager to know if he responded to her email.
3/29/2010 c1 2White Carnation
Really sweet!

It wasn't at all soppy, really cute, and best of all, it sounded natural. Your sentences flow very smoothly, and I very much admire the speed of this one-shot, not too fast, not too slow. Only thing I'm concerned about is, the girl sounded like she had scars on every inch of her body. Is it supposed to be that way? Did I miss something? Overall though, great story!

- White Carnation
2/16/2010 c1 6A Kiss in the Dreamhouse
I really liked the atmosphere of the story - with the heat and all. Nicely written!
12/30/2009 c1 violetxcantxsleep
Brilliant writing it makes me think of the song "matching weight" (which is a great song). . .and I like how no one has names. sometimes people don't need them. . . is there another reason for that though?
12/11/2009 c1 20Skyward Ending
This was...beautiful. It is not horribly emo with the cutting. The implications of "I don't want to hurt you. Again." give the whole conversation and relationship so much more depth, especially so because it is not terribly melodramatic. The sense of awkwardness between them floating over the friendship made the whole scenario quite realistic. What I liked best about it, though, was how it didn't end with them getting together. How you began it, too, is just...perfect - that sticky, hot setting, right before dawn, sets the whole scene.

The last sentence is a little dramatic, but you pulled it off because of how everything else worked. :)!
10/21/2009 c1 yoursforeverme
this was so heartbreaking, i can kind of assosiate with it. in the end it did make me cry. it's really weel written, sadley i'm no critic and thus can offer no constructive comments, but it was brilliant. you're such a great writer.
10/17/2009 c1 3Kristin Li
I really liked this story. The title drew me in, even though the story turned out to be something completely different then I imagined it to be. I also liked your use of symbolism without being to obvious and I liked how the dialogue flowed really well, though I couldn't really tell the two voices of your characters apart. All in all, I enjoyed it :)
10/3/2009 c1 6Devil's Playground
This was an incredibly sweet little story, and I loved reading it. I really liked that you could make it romantic without having it be so in a traditional or cliche sense; it was entirely original, and made me want to "awwh" out loud. I also like how you left some things open, not entirely explaining them, like the past where the main character hurt him. I also loved the description, especially lines like "the sun’s probing fingers." I can't think of anything to be improved - I think it's perfect the way it is. Great job!
10/1/2009 c1 3Mercyette
This is a very sweet piece, and very believable too.

What I really liked the most is your description of thier physical movement throughout the story. It could really see everything in my minds' eye.

I would like to see a little more information on what was so "lame" between them both. Maybe I misread something but I didn't catch what they were talking about.

Overall, I think this is a really nice oneshot. You should be proud.
9/20/2009 c1 11J. D. Bennett
This is wonderful, absolutely wonderful. I love the symbolism of the question mark scar. The whole piece has a somberness to it, without being too heavy, you know? It has the feeling of a sunrise. Very beautiful, though a tad sad. Is it a true story?
9/20/2009 c1 12silverbluu
I like this story because it reminds me of the book: My Happy Life by Lydia Millet. The madness and the scene seem to fit well together.

I would recommend continuing this story too, there's a lot of unanswered questions left to the imagination of the reader. If you have the time I recommend reading My Happy Life for inspiration.
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