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for Geography Lesson

9/19/2009 c1 TreeWhisperer
This was so... Touching. It really made me feel something, deep down in my heart...

I loved the mood of this piece. It started out light, but as it progressed, it got a bit more dramatic and heart-felt. Its just so... Melancholic. Its really good though, and it shows that your a really great writer.

The single quote marks annoyed me after some time, though. Maybe you should change it to double quote things. And it was a bit confusing in the beginning. I couldn't make sense of what was happening.

Overall, great story. I look forward to reading more of your stories!

~TreeWhisperer
9/18/2009 c1 2dragonflydreamer
Wow, interesting piece.

I think what really set this apart in my mind was the tone. You had such control over it, so that even though your topic was extremely dark, I didn't get into the angst or depression at all while reading. It was definitely a refreshing change.

I also like the analogy to "geography." It was a nice twist, and a good element to tie into the main idea. I loved how you made it to mean the way he examined her "geography," the main idea of the story, but also made the literal sense of geography a sort of backstory to this.

My only real suggestion for this would be to add more description in between the dialogue. The description, when you had it was great-very vivid, and with creative wording. There were long sections, though, that it was mostly just a back-and-forth between the two. At the beginning, this left me confused, which made it harder to get into the story. It wasn't until maybe halfway through that I really caught onto the piece.

Very interesting read, though. Not like anything I've ever come across.
9/18/2009 c1 Guest
Herro there from the Roadhouse. :) Okay, basically this is a good story on the whole. I like the way you did the character interaction here in a sense that I like how you develope friendship into romance here within an one-shot story. If I interpreted the story wrongly here, forgive me. My brain wasn't in a good state as of now due to lack of sleep. x.x But I think maybe it will be better if you did a certain account on what happened to the narrator's lover plus what has caused the scars. I may have missed something in these two aspects, but I'm not too sure to be honest. But still, all in all a good story. :)

P.S: Pay back via The Eternal Grail. :)

-From the Roadhouse
9/18/2009 c1 5Eshana the Searcher
A very sweet, romantic, yet dark piece. The conversation was perfect for those two. It was simple and easy enough to be believable between old friends, yet turned just odd/awkward enough for the sweet romantic bit. The moments she turned shy were also very realistic, along with the way they acted towards each other.

I'm not sure, personally, if I liked the lack of detail/backstory or not, but for this kind of short story, I think it worked very well. For something like this a lot of background isn't needed and can be made overbearing since the main focus was on them and her scars.

Very well written.

~Eshana
9/18/2009 c1 11HiddenFromYou
I love the description you've put in this. You haven't skipped one detail in telling the reader exactly what you want.

This is also quite sad, and you write that brilliantly. The sorrow and kind-of shame that the main character exhibits is put across plainly, and you really (at least I did) wonder why they never talked of that scene again.
9/17/2009 c1 Dulcina
Not that I'm a fan of first person narrative, but it's good. The underlying melancholy tone accentuated with a hint of poignantly genuine romance was beautifully laid out throughout the whole story. Added with a sense of realism, this heartfelt story is definitely a must-read. Bravo! :)

Point to be noted: it is preferable to use double quotation marks all the time, no matter how 'in-depth' single quotation marks APPEAR to be. ;]
9/16/2009 c1 1The Five
This was really nice. Your treatment of self-mutilation was particularly good - I'm so glad you chose not to go all melodramatic and angsty (blegh) like most people who write about cutting do, because it made your work all the more poignant. I also like the bittersweet ending. Your characters are quite appealing. I didn't get such a good feel for them, but this is a one-shot, so it's actually okay. One thing that made me raise an eyebrow, though, was the word "ordinariness". Your protagonist seems perfectly aware that cutting isn't exactly a normal - or healthy - thing to do, so referring to herself as that is a little strange. Apart from that, cool writing!
9/16/2009 c1 17katietheunicorn
I was entranced by this one-shot. The title brings up a lot of questions, that were answered with beautiful, blissful prose. I enjoyed watching these characters interact and become effected by themselves and each other, because it seemed so real. The only thing I could suggest is to put dialogue in full-on qoutations. Just a hint I picked up from my English teacher. ;)

Good job!

-Katie
9/15/2009 c1 1Crimson Dizzy
To begin with, I love the misleading title. Made me think that I'd be reading yet another high school piece, so it was a nice surprise to see something different.

The way you don't go into detail about why she self-harmed and the vagueness of the ending adds to the atmostphere.

I also found the interaction between the two charcters believable and quite touching throughout the whole piece. The "weird neck thing" was an especially good touch.

I found this story pretty quirky, which is saying something because I've read a lot of cliched self-hard stories. This wasn't like any I'd ever read before. It was also very simply, yet well written.

Overall a great read. Keep writing!
9/14/2009 c1 4xrawritskalix
Wow, this story was really good. I enjoyed the communication between the two of them. It was really sweet, and at the same time it was still completely believable. I always like stories more when you can actually say that the characters seem realistic. I also liked the way that you compared it to a geography lesson. At first, I really thought that it was going to be about geography. I am really glad that I was wrong. Stories where things are based on a sort of metaphor really appeal to me too. :)

~Kali
9/14/2009 c1 9Sakina the Fallen Angel
This was absolutely beautiful to read ~ I really liked the way you handled such a sensitive issue. It felt glossed over, more romanticised than it actually is but the poetry in your descriptions was wonderful. I especially liked the last paragraph because it held a bittersweet tone that just oozed angst.

~ Sakina x
9/13/2009 c1 noooooooooooooooooo
I enjoyed this because, it was indescribably cute, without being mushy. I also like that the characters work well together and their conversation was comfortably thrown back and forth .
9/13/2009 c1 9Luuk
This was a very emotional read. The description was simple, but in a very good way. I could get into the story easily, feel for the narrator and really hear the conversation throughout it. really enjoyed it. I'm sad how it ended - I would have liked the two of them together.

The two were nameless, I believe. no names were mentioned? Gives the story a mysterious feeling. Some things we'll never know.

Keep up the good work!
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